MHello everyone, I was married 4 months ago and we just found out were pregnant!!! We are thrilled!! However my twelve year old is not. She has not held back expressing that. She says she likes being the only child and seems to be resenting me and my husband. My daughter and I have always been very close so this really hurts me. She loves baby's but wants no parts of this one. I really want her to be happy with me. This also hurts my husbands feelings. She says that everyone will forget about her. Couldn't be further from the truth. Please help!!!
Hi there and welcome to the forum. Well, I think you are probably making grave mistakes with your approach. This is a new marriage and she's trying to get used to that. Instead of telling her how thrilled you are---- tell her that NOTHING will ever change how you feel about her and that she is still your first baby. Throw in 'most important' baby for good measure (the new baby will never know . . . I promise). You need her to feel totally secure and not shove your excitement down her throat so that she starts choking on it. I don't mean to make that sound rude but if you think of what she might be feeling, that really helps. Her mom that she's had to herself is now shared wtih a new man AND THEY are so super excited and thrilled to be having their own baby.
Nope, be excited privately with your husband but not gushing with her.
And your husband is silly to 'have hurt feelings'. He should be more empathetic to an immature 12 year old trying to deal with the feelings of all these changes in her life.
Congrats on your baby but remember, she has feelings that are legitimate and deserve your sensitivity.
When the baby is here, she'll fall in love unless you and new hubby pout and make it her against the baby.
good luck------ I'm sure it will all work out if you soften your approach with her.
I re read what I wrote and the shove your excitement down her throat may have sounded a little harsh. I didn't mean it that way but was just speaking of how your own emotions may get in the way of being sensitive to hers.
I was in the exact same boat...like exactly. My daughter was 12 when I got pregnant with my second child. The only difference is that I was not married. So, that does as quite a bit of turmoil to the situation. Try to make her part of the baby experiance. Tell her about weird cravings you are having, ask her if she would like to go shopping for some baby stuff and let her pick stuff out. Ask her if she wants a brother or sister. Don't alienate her from the process. She may not want anything to do with it now, but I bet when you find out girl or boy she is ganna have some ideas for names....and probably shoot down a couple of yours. Try to make it fun and give her some responcability like decorating the nursery or something like that. And like the other comment said...keep letting her know that she is the first and you will always love her no matter what....hugs and kisses go a long way, even with a 12 year old....sometimes a little tickle too...get silly and creative. Good luck to you and let me know if you want to talk more.
This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information.
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.