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'how to get over someone
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'how to get over someone

Me and my ex have been broken up for about a year and a half, in this time we have still met up now and then and then sometimes stuff happens, not the full way or anything but yeah. He has no emotional connection to me he has said and we always regret it every time it happens and then we get in fights and stop talking for a while. then the cycle begins again. This time felt like the last time it will happen a few weeks ago. I feel numb now coz its more like a routine. We decided not communicating now would be the best thing and we dont have eachothers numbers anymore. I find this so difficult and feel like ive become this crazy ex because I email him saying I want to be friends still and then the next day say I know communicating isnt a good idea. I just keep doing this and I hate myself everytime i send any email. He was my bestfriend and he's been really hard to replace, thats why its so hard to let go esp as we have kinda kept in contact after breaking up.
Basically, im wondering how am I meant to be full over him and let go completly? I have really good days where I realise i really am better off and other days where I;m sad and nostalgic and just want to hang out with him again.
Is there an easy cure for this? I realize this is my own fault but it doesnt make it any easier to get out of.
Any help or wake-up calls would be some good feedback.
Im just over going thru the ups and downs and know i deserve someone who does care but i dont know how to let go of such a huge part of my past.
14 Comments Post a Comment
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2146732_tn?1336930741
I know this could be really hard, if uve seen my part u know I know what I'm talking about. I had a guy that I did this with.we'd break up not talk then is send him a birthday card or something, we'd talk again, but then I just realized he was not the one for me,he called me one day & was like of ukicked new out of ur life&i had to explain to him it just want us any more. Take done time to urself,u said u know ur better off. Read a book hang out with ur friends,family,find someone else who might spark ur interest,u may find that ull be over him in no time.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome to the forum.  Ugh,  the dreaded post break up hook up.  Lots of folks fall into this trap.  It usually lasts until one of the two hooking up finds an important new signficant other and then the other person in the hook up is devastated all over again.  

My heartfelt advice is to break it off completely.  No meeting up to 'talk', no texting one another, no phone calls.  Nothing.  Break it off and officially move on from him.  Because otherwise, he is like a band aid for your lonliness.  

so, one last call----  call him and say that you need to move on and therefore, it is best for you to stop all contact.  You wish him well but this is about you right now.  and then stick to it.

Fill your time with things you want to do-----  any hobbies you have?  Throw yourself into it.  Any things you always wanted to try?  Now's the time.  Throw yourself into work.  Go work out.  Spend time with friends and try to make new ones.  Spend time with family.  Journaling is excellent to track good and bad days and triggers.  When I was going through a break  up, I found Sunday afternoons made me sad because it seemed like all I saw were couples.  So, I started always having plans on Sunday----  going to the movies, going to my sister's house and hanging out with my niece, etc.  

and remember this-----  the longer you keep your heart tied up with this old guy that you don't have a future with, the longer it will be until you meet someone new.

You need some time with NO ONE to sort out feelings and yourself.  But down the road you will meet someone new that you can work on having a good relationship.  You have to be totally free of this one for a while in order to do that the right way.  

Okay, good luck.  Time heals.  Give yourself time AWAY from this guy.  peace
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3149845_tn?1386354841
You never get over it as your relationship, like any other relationship (even with pets) are set deep in our psyche.We have dreams of them, songs remind us of them, even smells. Whats makes it more wrenching if they broke up with us , as leaves a sense of frustration much like loosing something. People dont like to loose. Also you were rejected so its like unfinished business. Your personality was put out to him and he did not accept it. No one likes be rejected and your left with a hole, unfinished business and questions.
Just take some time off away from him and let life take its course. I was in a similar situation and took 30 years to reconnect and now we are best friends 30 years later. Just let it go and live your life and find someone that your personality will work with as did not work for him.
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh my gosh. I am going through the exact same thing right now. If it makes you feel any better, I have been actually sleeping with my ex. He has made it all too clear that he does not want me back, but he enjoys the sex.... of course. So, I have been sleeping with him mostly in the hopes that he would come around and want me back. Not happening. He is just fine without me while I am pining for him. He does not call me not does he contact me unless I contact him to have sex. He really could care less, but I am soooooo attached that I keep doing this. Then, when he leaves, my heart is broken again and again and again. I know I have to stop. It is killing me emotionally. I just do not know how. I think about him 24/7 and just wish that it would come back.
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Avatar_m_tn
Unfortunately, I don't think you can get over someone when you keep inviting them back into your life.  Every time you get back together for a little while, it's short lived and the rejection starts yet again.

Remove yourself from that loop.  Make him a "no contact" person and stick to it.  Really, is there any reason to contact him now?  Any valid reason?

You need time for you and you only.  I agree with SM above.... Listen to her.  She's very wise.
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480448_tn?1403547723
I agree completely with SM, brice, and the others who have said to make a clean break.  You're messing with your own head, and not allowing yourself to get over the relationship and move on.  You are getting sucked in by the familiarity, and confusing yourself.

I did this with an ex, and boy did it mess with my head BADLY.  I was almost completely over him (a task which was NOT easy, I did not handle the break up well), and he reemerged one night when I was having a party.  We spent the night together, and he was even saying things like "I've missed you so much"...etc etc.  In the morning, when the fog cleared (and the alcohol, yikes), he told me he was already dating someone else and our night together was nothing but a mistake.  I was CRUSHED all over again, it was terrible.

Nothing good can come of that situation.  End it, once and for all, or get back together, if you both think you should be together, but don't play mind games with yourself.  Like brice said..make a strict "no contact" rule and stick to it, no exceptions.  You need to move on, and accept that it is over, something you won't be able to do if you're still seeing him in one aspect or another.

Good luck!
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Agree with SM, Brice and NG......do yourself a favor and make a CLEAN break.

"Is there an easy cure for this?".......Unfortunately no.  

You just have to stick to your guns and not contact him.  When you feel the need to contact him.....journal......go jogging/running......listen to some music, etc. (you get the point).  You just have to redirect your thoughts from him to something else.  Over time this will get easier and easier.  

There is no "quick" fix or "easy" way to do this......just got to find a way to do it.  
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Avatar_f_tn
thanks for all your feedback, its all is logical and makes sense.
He emailed me after i had posted this and said that he does not hate me but thinks we shouldnt communicate anymore and will make my emails go into spam so he doesnt get them.
I just hate how I reached the point of being ''the crazy ex', coz i never intended to ever be one. I feel quite humiliated really that it got to this point and he is the one who has to make the final decision, not me.
lots to learn for future..
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973741_tn?1342346373
Ugh, I'm sorry sweetie.  Sometimes our heart hurts so and we end up making not such great choices.  We've all been there and it is part of the learning process.  

Try to think of this as a new chapter in your life.  You will go on to love again and will find a better partner that you can be with forever.  Okay?  

Stay busy, journal your feelings, give yourself some time.  A little TLC is in order here.   But you WILL recover, I promise.  Take care of yourself and stay in touch with us to let us know how you are doing.  Peace and luck
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1268057_tn?1399131913
"I feel quite humiliated really that it got to this point and he is the one who has to make the final decision, not me."........this isn't about who is making the final decision; this is about this needs to end and each party needs to move on dear.  

Everyone grapples with something and this is just your "something."  No need to feel humiliated.  Trust me, he has done you a favor.  In fact, if he wasn't a decent person he might of let this continue knowing it isn't right.  

I can hear you are in deep pain.  There are lots of lessons to be learned here.  Don't beat yourself up over this; just try to move on from this.  
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Avatar_m_tn
About him making the decision?  Big deal.... let him have that and be thankful that the time has come for the break.  Whether he made the decision or you did, it's been made and now it's your job (both of your job, to be fair) to make this stick.  

I've got the feeling that you are holding a bit of animosity towards him for "making the decision".  Drop that, right where it stands.  I've also got the feeling that you know that enough is enough.  The proof is in the pudding and someone had to make the call.... just be glad that it was made, and stick to your guns.

Your health, sanity and quality of life are dependent on moving forward from this point, and the decision makes the path "pre-paved".  Use that as your get away.  Do things for you.  Reconnect with old friends, but do yourself a favor and don't rush back into the dating scene.  YOU... this time needs to be about you.
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Avatar_f_tn
im thinking it might be a really good idea to see a concelor to sort this all out. i didnt talk to him for a few days and then facebooked him and then he blocked me. I don't like being this desperate anymore and it's kind of controling my life more than it is healthy to. I think I definitly need to sort out myself before anything happens in the future. Thanks for the advice you have given. IT has helped, im just too weak to do this on my own and need to talk to someone on a regular basis about finally doing something about me not the situation because i'm the one whose fault it is to have gotten to this.
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Dear, you should seek professional help as it sounds like you really need it.  This in my opinion is bordering on pestering/stalking and this is infringing on his life.  

One of your statements is EXTREMELY concerning......"I feel quite humiliated really that it got to this point and he is the one who has to make the final decision, not me.".......this would indicate you are totally out of control in regards to handling this situation the way it should be handled.  

Have you done this kind of behavior in the past?  

Please go seek help before this gets COMPLETELY out of hand.  

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13167_tn?1327197724
She,  the only way to facilitate this process of getting over him is to force yourself not to think about him. And believe it or not,  that's not that hard once you learn how to do it.  You can do this for any train of thought you don't want to have,  or even when you get a song 'stuck in your head'.  

First,  you need to have a little ceremony for yourself to mark the "ending".  I could suggest you get a box (or a garbage can,  whichever suits you!)  and put all the things that really really remind you of him in it. Gifts from him,  letters,  a shirt he really thought was sexy,  etc.  Put them in the box (or garbage can),  close it,  and get it off your radar screen.   Then sit down and write out the good and bad stuff about him,    and put on some really sappy love music about loss,  and cry.  Put that paper into the box,  close it up,  and put it AWAY where you don't ever see it.  

Then,  every time he crosses your mind immediately force yourself to stop thinking about him.  The problem right now is you indulge yourself these thoughts,  and in fact you SEEK to think about him.  He'll still cross your mind,  but the moment you realize you're thinking of him,  stop it and think of your Christmas shopping list.  Or what you are going to have for dinner.  Or your favorite TV episode. Have something planned ahead of time that you will think about instead of him.

And then time will take care of the rest.

Best wishes.
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