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how to tell if your ex has changed or how to let go
My boyfriend & I had some problems & I was tired of my needs (emotionally, physically etc) plus he became some1 who never even bothered to show me much attention. As far as come home from work..go to bed..get up eat that's it. So we've been apart going on 2 months. He continues to text & call saying he sees what he needs to change etc. I told him last week Plse don't text or call I would when I was ready. He still did sayin he loved me, he didn't kno what he did blah blah..I don't think he's seeing were not together & bc I don't talk to him I'm mad. What should I do!? Ignore him now? See him to see what he's like? I kno he is stubborn & it will take a lot for him to change. I've never had "time apart" then want it over & they not realize it. Plse send some advice my way..I'm so confused & by now I have kno clue what to do next!
Hi friends! Just an update if anyone has checked in on this. Its going on 3 months & Ive kept strong! He had already been invited to an event at our church last weekend, so I saw him there & just as friends chatted a little but nothing more. We went to a little outside eating place to chat, when I quickly realized he had not change one thing..still his old self, hateful to me over some very small things that were said..outta the blue. So since I haven't seen him & then I did & it wasn't pleasant I realized if by now he wants me back "so bad" he was willing to fix some things, was obviously not true. So I haven't spoke to him but a few times..but tomorrow he's coming to pick his guitar up & since by now he hasn't gotten the point (& now I know for sure from a long text about he still being in love w me & blah blah) I told him Id explain everything tomorrow & I guess I will have to break down & do the hardest thing & tell him I need it to really be a complete break. I do feel I have lost feelings for him, yet idk if I should bring that to his attention or just say I think we need this real break? Bc I want to lessen the hurt for him plus give him hope for the future (which by now idk if there is any bc I c no change in his behavior) So that's where I stand. & all you guy's advice has really helped as I have came back to this post to remind myself how I felt this day. Im moving passed being alone..bc its kinda nice now. & I want to be single for a long time & wait on that godly man I know God has in store for me. So anyway if anyone can answer these few questions b4 tomorrow that'd be great! =)
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with annie to make it clear you are on BREAK. Which means that for now, you are not wanting to be with him. Stick to this and see what else life has to offer.
People occasionally change but he had time to show you who he is. He may temporarily show you attention and be interested in you but I am going to guess that he'll slip right back into the old pattern. His personality sounds very different than yours.
Don't let fear hold you back and take him back. Instead, be brave and seek something better for yourself. good luck
People occasionally change but he had time to show you who he is. He may temporarily show you attention and be interested in you but I am going to guess that he'll slip right back into the old pattern. His personality sounds very different than yours.
Don't let fear hold you back and take him back. Instead, be brave and seek something better for yourself. good luck
If you want it to be over, write him a text or a letter or an email or just call him, and say "It's over." If his stuff is where you live, tell him "Come get your things." Then go on with your life. The subtle approach is not going to work with someone who does not realize what you are getting at.
If you think it can be fixed, tell him what he is doing (or not doing) and what he then needs to do. But that you're going to look for the change and only believe it when you see it.
If you think it can be fixed, tell him what he is doing (or not doing) and what he then needs to do. But that you're going to look for the change and only believe it when you see it.
You don't give a lot of info what Your issues with Him are but I will say:
My personal opinion is that People can (and do) make "life style" "changes".....as in, one might quit smoking, quit drinking, quit using drugs, quit gambling, (lifeSTYLE).... but People don't often change Their "character". So, the real question here is: what kind of changes are You looking/hoping for, and is it "realistic" for You to ask/expect those changes? Are these "character" changes You would like to see, or are these "life style" issues?
I I suggest that You look/wait for someone who has the same Standards and Values that You have - rather than look at someone who "promises" or "tries" to "change"
Good Luck and Good Wishes
Tink
My personal opinion is that People can (and do) make "life style" "changes".....as in, one might quit smoking, quit drinking, quit using drugs, quit gambling, (lifeSTYLE).... but People don't often change Their "character". So, the real question here is: what kind of changes are You looking/hoping for, and is it "realistic" for You to ask/expect those changes? Are these "character" changes You would like to see, or are these "life style" issues?
I I suggest that You look/wait for someone who has the same Standards and Values that You have - rather than look at someone who "promises" or "tries" to "change"
Good Luck and Good Wishes
Tink
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