OK, heres the deal. I have been with my husband for a little over three years all together. We have a 20 month old daughter together. He is very jealous and controlling. Our issues seem to be him always accusing me of cheating, meanwhile he has been the one looking at other woman and sex chat lines. I feel as if he tries to blame me for cheating to cover up whatever he does. i am so over this i am on the verge of divorce. I have always been an independent woman until our daughter came. Now financialy i depend on him. I don't know how to beat these issues anymore. i am so tired of being accused of **** i don't do, while he's is the one into looking at other woman via web or mags and sex chat lines. Any advice would help.
By accepting this behavior and allowing it to continue you are in a way saying it is okay. Can you say to him that he needs to stop this behavior or you don't think you can continue the relationship? If the relationship is important to him he will have to change. I know it's hard when a child is involved..........but how long can you put up with that? And if he does not stop this, financially it would be hard, but not impossible, and you would be happier. But do you still love him? Once again, it's hard when a child is involved but if it's a destructive loveless marriage this is also not good for a child. Good luck.
I don't think his jealousy is the biggest problem here. It seems like him chatting with women online is an even more betrayel in the relationship. My fiance is a jealous guy, we worked on those issues and he's still jealous but not to the extent that he used to be. It took us almost breaking up because of his jealousy for him to realize he was going to screw up a good thing. However, your husband is talking to strange women on sex chat lines. He is developing intimacy with them regardless if he's in the same room with them. That is completely unacceptable in my eyes. Financially there is help out there and that shouldn't be the reason you stay with him. Do you have family or friends that can help you?
it definately sounds like this is his guilty concious projecting itself on to you. unfortunately, i don't think this will change until he does. if he manages to stop looking elsewhere to get his jollies and changes his behavior, he will feel better about himself and his relationship and ultimately, treat you better. imo.
You have a serious situation on your hands and it will only get worse if you take it. Of course you are dependent with a young child-but you are not as helpless as you think. Your husband thinks he can bully you because of it- and cheat- or at least ogle other women. He is doing the classic "controller" behavior-- blame you, threaten you--and do what he likes. If he feels guilty, he will accuse you all the more.
You need to get out of this situation. But you need to work through it carefully with a counselor, in case your husband is capable of violence. If he is, you need both a counselor and legal help from the domestic violence unit in your city. If he is not violent, and you are sure of that, then talk to a counselor for your next step, However, what she or he might tell you is to tell him you are leaving if he makes any more accusations or uses the chat rooms. If you do choose to go that route, it can't be an empty threat. You need to move out- and if need be, go to a shelter for women in crisis ( most YWCAs have one and there are usually several other places in most cities). You can get your life back- and maybe, if he sees that he will lose you, he will agree to go to counseling and this marriage can be saved. But if he won't stop this behavior, you have to stop it for him by changing your life. Go see a counselor so you have someone with more facts than I do,,, and he or she can guide you through your decision making process. Pepper Schwartz
Im not married/never have been...but by him accusing you of doing things usually means he is the one who is feeling guilty about what hes doing. Hopefully you two can work it out for the sake of your lil girl.
Thanks for the advice, I am actually looking into meeting with a counselor. I have been married before, and was a single mom for many years. I am not scared to leave, just trying to make my plan so i don't have to put so much on others to help me. He is actually working out of town right now, so him not being here has been nice. I know he has issues and we have gone to counseling a few times, but he never likes what any of them have to say, GO FIGURE!!! Anyhow, i do appreciate all the input, I know what i need to do. Staying is not an option anymore and i don't think he wants to change. He likes being the victim of his childhood and making others pay for it. It's very twisted and i could kick myself for getting involved.
Well i hope it all goes well for you..i can imagine how hard it will be being on your own again. Ive been with my bf for 5 yrs and thought of leaving him many times but knowing i couldnt make it on my own...especially financially. Good luck
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