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i am screwed
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i am screwed

i am in an online relationship with a guy for 2 yrs...we hvnt met yet.in the initial 8 months i din trust him so i faked my pics/identity...it wasn't intended but dunno what made me do that.
but later i confessed everything n he accepted me the way i am.we continued with our "dirty talks"
n then oneday he asked for my naked pics just to "check if i trust him"...i did it readily
without giving it a second thought as he was leaving me cuz he thought i din trust him.
After that i sent him many naked pics of mine n recently i came on web cam as well...i fingered my *****..pressed
my oobs hard..did whatever he asked me to..n now he says cuz i "played" with him for 8months..i am not a good girl n that i am indecent..he checks my phone daily on the web cam..he abuses me..says tht i hv sex buddies n tht i **** with the carpenters n painters too...he calls me a **** n all this hurts me a lot.
i am obssessed with him..i love him a lot..i hv all dreams..all dreams with him..but don't know this behaviour of his'
makes me feel so sick...i know i cnt live without him..but he never understands me..neither believes me..even after all the things i hv done..i dun even go out with my frnds if he "orders"me not to.
sometimes i feel like leaving him n live my life but everytime i actually think about it..i feel really miserable..my chest feels so heavy..i feel torn n empty..
i dunno what should i do..maybe you all can help me out?
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19 Comments Post a Comment
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1035252_tn?1371343440
After all the things YOU have done? What about the abuse and the cruel things that he does to you?! You have to leave him. You don't live near him so you can just block his phone and all of his internet IDs and you NEED to do this. this has the makings of internet stalking, which I've been through before and it's a living nightmare. Be forewarned that a man like that may try to use the pics that he has of you to try to control you.....but you can report something like that to the police.

You need to get out of this relationship. Run, don't walk. You're going to regret for the rest of your life if you let this guy jerk you around and abuse you..you deserve better.

Also, in the future, no guy NEEDS your naked pics to prove that you trust him...he's a complete slime to do that to you, and he may be a creep who is completely not who he says he is.

I'd say run. run now before you're in too deep. You say you're obsessed with him...that's NOT love. good luck hon, this sounds like a dangerous situation that you need to get out of ASAP.
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303824_tn?1294875001
Can I ask how old you are and how old he is?

I agree with Ashelen, you need to RUN and run fast! I can't even imagine how toxic your "relationship" would be if you guys lived together. He sounds like a control freak which is a huge red flag. Not only that, but generally men like that also like to beat up their women physically and mentally so they can continue their control. He has already succeeded with the mental aspect over you.  You have the choice to stop this! All you have to do is ignore him and go do something else instead. Go hang out with your friends and family. Pick up some hobbies that don't include the internet. I would consider you very lucky that this has only been an online relationship because this guy sounds a little scary. Actually a lot scary!
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13167_tn?1327197724
Kritzee,  I said it to you back in August and I'll say it again.

This is how women get killed.  By making themselves completely vulnerable to whackjobs on the internet who are clearly controlling and dangerous.

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973741_tn?1342346373
Did your first sentence of this post say that you haven't met yet?  I'm concerned about the deficits in your life that allow you to think this is a relationship at all let alone one worth saving.  I am being blunt here.  While I, of course, think he is nuts, scary and a grade A jerk----------  I have to ask you to question yourself and motivation for this kind of relationship.  On line relationsihps are not real relationships.  Getting together and hanging out in person, meeting the family, having dinner together . . . that is a relationship.  Texting and talking dirty over the phone is just two bored people playing around.  Again, I'm being blunt.  But I do hope that you look at how you got into this whole thing and how to get yourself out.  Stop contact with him and find ways to LIVE life for real.  Be with people, work on your esteem (sending wrong profile pics is a sign that you are insecure . . . and his acceptance of it is a sign that he is preying on you), build your life so that you are happy and fulfilled no matter what man is in your life.  

Good luck.  I did not mean to sound harsh at all---------  but do worry about what is going on with you.  
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285927_tn?1380802356
He is probably married, got three kids and a few more like you on the side. What were you thinkin? And what if he decides to post or trade those pics you sent, not to mention whatever else he had. Two years of an online relationship? What do you feel is so wrong with you that you have to lie about who you are and hide behind a computer. Get out there and meet real people you can touch.
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Avatar_f_tn
Like rockrose I remember your previous post in august - this is the same guy that is demanding that you bleed when you have sex or he'll say your not a virgin and be furious and leave.

I find it hard to give you advise because if it were me - even ONE sign of this behaviour and I'd run so fast in the opposite direction.

Why do you want such a nasty, controlling awful guy in your life? If he's this way now before you've even met him - GOD HELP YOU if you were actually in a relationship with him.

I saw your other post about if you can tell from looking at your vagina if your a virgin - the answer to that is no.

So what happens when you meet - have sex - and you don't bleed (because not all women do at their first time, some do some dont) - can you even imagine how he is going to react? The first time you have sex should not have you full of fear that he'll decide your not a virgin and become furious.

You have done everything he has asked and have recieved scorn, abuse and degradation because of it.

There are plenty of nice sweet guys out their who wont treat you like dirt under their shoe as this guy is.

YOU NEED TO CUT this guy out of your life. One day you'll be in a normal relationship, look back on this and think 'why did I put up with that discusting guy'.

I doubt you'll take this advise because you say yourself "i am obssessed with him". But if you want happiness and peace - you might.
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Avatar_m_tn
the things that he made you do......to me are repulsive ....you should have distanced from him since the moment he asked for your naked pics...that is not trust, that is just to brag to his friends.....leave him already and find a nice guy that can apreciate you for yourself....im a guy and im disgusted by this man....the  way i see it, is that he doesent have respect for women......i dont think you love him ,you just love the feeling of being in love....in this message you dont write anything about his  qualities, something that has impressed you....you need this relation because ... you cant get a real boyfriend????better alone that with a guy like that ,respect yourself more, dont do what the others tell you to do ...just do the right thing
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Avatar_f_tn
its just  not obssession..i really love him..when i have dirty fights with him..i come up here n put up questions cuz it hurts so much to see my guy behaving this way ...it really hurts me..n i know all replies will be against him n i feel too guilty later..he is a sweet person n i trust him badly..:(
its just that i cnt figure out why things are going so wrong :(
i take it as to be a "normal" relationship when its not..i hv been bad at the very begining..i faked..i broke his trust,,i lied..i am bad..its not him...he accepted me even after what i did to him..he is not bad :(
but when he is actually with me i feel too bad at times he abuses me..cuz its unexpected from him :(
n he makes me do crazy things..like just now he made me text a frnd(guy) to "never call or mssage me again" cuz that guy asked my no. from a frnd of mine...sometimes its so insane..:(
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Avatar_f_tn
we are both 19 years old..
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Avatar_f_tn
its not like that..i wrote it in frustration n sheer sadness..so that is why it sounded so rough..its not him..but me who has been bad to him..i can understand why he gets mad at me..but even i feel bad..but i guess he'd never understand me..he loves me i know that..n i trust him..he trusts me too i know that..or else why the hell would he be with me..still sometimes it gets bad..n its just because we dun want to leave each other ever..
n this relationship is really tough..he is sweet to me most of the times...makes me smile even when am sad..n i know he says everything that is good for me..but when he gets dirty..its too much to handle..i feel bad..
n its not tht i cnt get a bf in real..i never wanted a bf..it just happened..i have a real life..n even he does...we do talk to each others frnds/sis..
even our parents know about us..
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580755_tn?1357673215
This screams of self-esteem issues. Your blaming yourself for his attitude and for his mean ways.
If you even meet up with him and lets say you get married, this guy will do whatever he wants and you will think that it is your fault. He will have sex with whoever he wants but will blame you and you will accept it. he will hit you and beat you but you will think that it's your fault. Get this...YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, THE GUY IS A JERK. HE DOES NOT DESERVE SOMEONE AS SWEET AS YOU. HE IS NOT A MAN, HE IS A LITTLE BOY. THE ONLY PERSON DOING ANYTHING WRONG IS HIM.

My suggestion is to stop all lines of communication with him. Find and see a therapist to address your self esteem issues. Find a guy who is local and who you can see on a daily basis face to face.
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580755_tn?1357673215
Oh and do not send him any more naked pics and do not show yourself naked online anymore.
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Avatar_f_tn
Quit making excuses for him. He's a nasty scum ball who's being a jerk. I'm with the others and if it were me I'd delete him from everything, block him, change my number and if he had my address...move. He oozes psychotic killer and/or controlling, abusive nut job.
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1035252_tn?1371343440
I agree with everyone here. stop making excuses for his abuse. you did NOTHING wrong...you sound miserable to me and who wouldn't be with an abusive controlling boyfriend? you are in danger....you need to cut him out of your life, I'm sorry sweetie I know how hard that seems but like I said...I've been stalked before and it nearly drove me to suicide.....and this guy is controlling you just like my stalker used to control me...get out NOW before it's too late I am NOT KIDDING. and no you didn't make him "sound bad"...he IS bad, no matter how nice you try to make him sound.

cut him out...stop making excuses..and if he tries to contact you, call the police. I am not joking and I'm sorry to sound so harsh but you're in serious danger in my opinion.  even a man who abuses you "unexpectedly" is an abuser and capable of so many horrible things...please, love yourself more than this. you deserve better.
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973741_tn?1342346373
What is concerning to me is your unabated adoration of this person.  You feel you "love" him with never having met him and you are willing to gloss over some serious red flags.  This does not bode well for something good to come out of this.  

I think your statement "I just wanted a boyfriend" is quite true and you are willing to make this internet correspondance into that.  Let me tell you that in this world there are all kinds of people and if you want a "boyfriend"--------  pick someone live and in front of you and someone that does not have lapses in kindness.  Those men exist and every woman needs to be PATIENT to find them.  

I think that you have to make up your mind that you want better for yourself. good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
I am sorry but this sounds like a very dangerous thing,you have never met him but he is making you do things like this he sounds ill sick to me if he has an obsession with you through the net imagine how he would treat you in the flesh,this is not love this is sick you need to get out of this before something bad happens to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
This is NOT love. He is a very unwell guy, mentally.

He askes you to do sexual things on webcam and then punishes you for it???!!!

And thats just one thing, hes done several major creepy things (demanding you bleed the first time you have sex for example........WHAT A CREEP).

You aren't in a relationship with this guy (you haven't even met him) - and you really should keep it that way.

Also - I'm sure he has attempted to have these creepy controlling online 'relationships' before - but when he shows too much of his personality the girls run a mile. He is 'grooming' you for a future abusive relationship - he is at the stage now where hes assessing how much you'll tolerate.

Good luck - you're going to need it.
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303824_tn?1294875001
With all of us saying the same thing, who do you think is at fault now? You or him?
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Avatar_f_tn
Have the confidence to be your own person - if he loved you he would trust you enough not to check your phone and not to co-erce you into sexual acts.  If he thought he was going to love you he would have met you by now.
All people have a good side and a bad side.  You obviously love him and see his good side - but you posted on this forum knowing that you would get responses telling you to leave him and that indicates to me that that's what you WANT to hear and so might actually WANT to do.  We have to take the good with the bad in relationships, but there's a really good reason why some behaviour is deemed criminal and he's crossing that line.  
Talk to someone from your family and friends, or even your doctor (whoever you trust) completely honestly, and I mean every detail that comes into your head,  about this, however hard it may be - strangers can't know you or understand the situation.  
The internet is always a poor substitute for real human relationships.
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