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i cheated, now what..
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i cheated, now what..

So me n bf r pretty serious, talking bout moving in n he says that im his best friend, i love him, but this wknd i go out to a bar with friends, sometimes i like getting attention from other guys just dancing n talking but i never actually want to b with them, this night tho the one guy i always thought was hot was dancing n flirting with me, i was completly drunk, when all got back n every1 passed we ended up making out.. When im drunk i dont take a sec to think i just act on urges, so it got as far as sex, when we were done i sobered rt up n was sick.. Im not sure if ne one heard us if they did that b bad.. I feel so guily, sick, hating myself so much i decide to phone my bf n tell him i've been dancing with guys but i didn't tell him nething else..i think hes suspects something tho cuz he keeps asking if thats all that happened n i lie, if he found he'd b thru with me n i love him so much i will do anuthin to keep it quiet but this secrets killing me..i just. Dont know what to do
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, first hello.  I read a few things that are a problem.  At least you are honest in saying you like to get attention from guys.  However, you realize that this is a weakness, right?  When we 'need' this outside attention to feel good or it feels so good we just can't say no to doing it, it makes me worry.  That is never conducive to a mature relationship.  Sure, of course it feels good to get attention from the opposite sex but seeking it is an issue at some point.  When you are willing to jeopardize a current relationship with someone you 'love' a lot.  Something to think about----  how can you feel good about yourself and have a good time without flirting or making guys want you.  

Second, this drinking is an issue.  Sounds quite sloppy and that is really not a good thing to be doing.  You put yourself at risk every time you get drunk and do a hook up.  It makes you less willing to say no (as happened here) or puts you in a situation where someone could hurt you.  Rethink the alcohol as it does not seem like it is working for you.  When I was younger, it didn't take long to figure out what girls could handle it and which ones couldn't.  It doesn't mix well for some girls that can't keep their S#it together.  

And now you've cheated.  Did you just kiss or was it more?  I personally don't care much when someone has cheated and is uncomfortable with the information.  Seems kind of just that they carry a burden after making that bad choice.  Up to you if you tell though.  in THIS scenario, two people just dating and I'm guessing you are of a young age, he deserves to know.  He should have the same opportunity to get drunk and get attention from girls and possibly make out.  Fair is fair, right?  Okay, well.  I'm sure you'd hate that.  But he does deserve to know.

How old are you by the way?  
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134578_tn?1404951303
I read this as you saying you did have sex.

Was it unprotected?  Better get tested for STDs before you sleep with your boyfriend again.  (You think you have problems about what to tell him now, just wait and see how much harder it will be to tell him that you have exposed him to chlamydia or the clap.)

You say you love him so much, but you're still liking to go to bars and get attention from guys and dance with other guys, and were willing to sleep with this particular guy because he was hot?  I think you had better do some real thinking.  Right now you love your boyfriend so much and don't want to lose him, but I think you're really saying you're suddenly afraid of losing him and have decided you love him as a result of the fear of loss of him.  I'm thinking you wouldn't have been in the bars dancing with other guys if you had felt it all that strongly for him.  Like, you want Mister Nice as back-up, but you still want to have your fun.

If you were with a guy and he wanted you as back-up but still wanted to go out and have fun with girls at bars, I'd guess you would ultimately tell him that either he wants you all the way, or he doesn't, and he should decide.  That's what you should be doing also, I think.  Decide if you want this guy enough to put away childish things (including attention-seeking behavior), or decide to let him go.  Don't keep on with him if you think you'll still want the attention from other guys.  Not fair or truthful to the situation.

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480448_tn?1403547723
Ditto Ditto to the above posts!
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3149845_tn?1386354841
I would not mention it as would mostly end your relationship. You had a drunken fling but your not married, You made a mistake. I say this because if you and your b/f were big time serious you would be married by now yes?

I would however,  as annie brooke suggests, have some tests done weather it was protected or unprotected intercouse if you intend to have sex with your b/f again.
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Avatar_n_tn
I totally disagree with life360. keeping secrets of this nature is conductive of an immature and unhealthy relationship. You may not be marriage, but I'm guessing you have a mutual commitment to stay monogamous or this situation would not be a problem. If you truly love him, then you should respect him enough to be honest. He has a right to know what exactley his relationship is and decide to continue it or not.
However, from your end, it sounds like you are not ready for a committef relationship. Encouraging men to give you attentiin, attractive or not, is a clear warning sign that you are not in a place for a committed relationship unless your willing to do some serious inward reconstruction. As of now, it sounds like your just afraid to lose the nice gut but if you really enjoy the party scene that you've described, what's wrong with chosing to be single? In that case, you wouldn't be hurting someone else and you'd get to have the fun you enjoy. Best of luck to you!
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Avatar_f_tn
It sounds like you're really not ready for a relationship with just one person at this time. You should let this boy go so he can find a girl who will be committed to him and not seeking attention from other guys.

You should just stay single because then you can go out as much as you want and flirt and/or sleep with however many guys you want and you won't be hurting anyone else in the process. It's ok to be single and do that and it sounds like that's the kind of lifestyle that you want. Relationships aren't for everyone because some people get bored or they don't want to be tied to just one person. That's ok it's not a bad thing it's just not what you have right now.

The sooner you break it off with your bf the sooner you can start living the life that you actually want. You should not stay in a relationship that is not what you want out of your life. You will only end up resenting your boyfriend and passive aggressively keep hurting him because he isn't want you want and that's not fair to him.
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Avatar_f_tn
wow so all this has been hard to compute and you're all right, I decided that this drinking problem is and issue and if I want keep my bf at all and respect him I will stop the drinking so that will ease off acting urges.. I thinking everyone has those moments where they think that guys hot or just curious  but never act on it, I personally don't think I would ever act on those urges if I was sober, still doesn't make it right at all... I love b/f a lot, I've done the single thing for a long time and I think I finally found the relationship for me, but I do get those urges and insecurities in which I act on when im drunk unfortunantly... im going to get tests done immediately and re think my life  style and grow up... i have no career path set in front of me yet, i might want to think about doing that and it will get my mind off of always wanting to party and drinking and be responsinle.. i am 24 and need to get a move on badly.. it defenatly sounds like i want the single life but i don't... i want to find that special person obviously and i thought it was him, i still think it is but i think its a the point of no return.. i don't think im going to tell him about it which so selfish i know and i may be the worst person, but he treats me so well and loves me hard, the only thing i can do now is change in a big way? a big big way obviously.. thank you everyone for you're advice and sorry if I've disappointed you with my answer..
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134578_tn?1404951303
Nobody is in your exact spot and so nobody has a right to be disappointed or otherwise. I would only say that if you have been shocked into a definite decision to be with him loyally forever, it is not the worst thing that could have come from a one-night stand.   I definitely think you're on the right track about drinking.  A friend used to binge drink, and she would literally get falling-down drunk at semi-public events on weekends.  She was a law student -- can you imagine any law firms wanting to hire her if word got around about her behavior?

Please just keep in mind that wanting to be with someone because he treats you well and loves you hard, is not the same as wanting to be with him because you love him hard.  Marriage or a committed relationship will have its ups and downs, and if you don't love him as much as he loves you, there's the chance that after a while you'd be bored with him or annoyed with trivial things about him.  It takes a lot to keep a long-term relationship going, and feeling like you settled for a good guy might not be enough.

Good luck, you responded thoughtfully and constructively and that's great!
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