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if I'm dreaming, is he dreaming?
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if I'm dreaming, is he dreaming?

I keep having these world bending, intence dreams of an ex that I haven't seen in 6 years.  When I wake up in the morning after one of these dreams, I feel like my whole world has been shaken. Like, I feel that on some other level of the universe we're trying to be connected in some way.  I'm married, he's in a relationship, the last I heard.  I'm happy.  I don't think of him in the day time, but then all of the sudden in spurts, I dream of him for days.  In my heart, I feel empty and broken.  Some of my dreams are just that, dreams.  nothing special, he just guest stars in them.  But sometimes, I can't shake them for weeks.  Whats wrong with me?!  And when I have those dreams, the ones that shake my world, are we really connecting on some level?  Is he dreaming of me?  sometimes after i wake up, I just know, he had to have had a dream about me too.  Is that crazy? or is the universe trying to tell me something?
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1673736_tn?1304184412
Dear Sunspinner,
Dreams are interesting to study.  If you ask 20 different people their opinion you'll get that many different answers.  From my experience with them, I find that our dreams are a way of processing the past.  Our spirits and emotional selfs process things in many different ways and dreams are one tool they use.  The connection you feel, is my thought of what an intense relationship you both have, and perhaps are still both connected on some level.  I dreamed about my ex for more than 10 years after the relationship was over.  That was twice as long as the thing lasted.  And even though I was married again and very satisfied, my dreams were sexually intense.  So to help you with them, write them down, when you wake up.  And try to allow yourself this without judgement.  Just let this happen and writing it down, will help it to pass out of you into the world, where it belongs.  
If you need to do some sort of ritual to try to release yourself from the relationship, you can try that.  I took my wedding band and buried it in the earth, my way of giving the relationship back to the universe.  
If these continue to bother you and get worse or more intense and interfere with your sleep, you may want to pursue seeing a psychologist about processing these dreams.
Take Care,
Lilyrose77
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184674_tn?1360864093
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You can't control your dreams. But as for grasping at the thought of there being a possible connection between the two of you--I don't really have an opinion or any advice to offer on that.
What I can tell you is that I also still dream about my ex from time to time, in many of the same ways you explain the frequency of your dreams and how the dreams are played out. Do I consider us to still have some sort of spiritual connection because of the dreams I have? Absolutely not. The only connection I still have with my ex is legally required of us because we share a child together. Other than that, I want nothing to do with the jerk, as I'm sure he wants nothing to do with me. We've been broken up for four years, and were together for eight years. Currently, we are both happily married (or at least I am) to other people and have moved on with our lives. But the dreams still happen for me occasionally, and I'm sure they do for him from time to time as well. If he doesn't dream of me still, I don't care. I can't stand him, so if I'm not showing up in his dreams, then all the better, lol--and I wish he'd get the heck out of mine!
Here's the thing though. We did share quite a few years of our lives on an intimate level, and even if we didn't have a child, we'd still be left with the memories. A part of your life was deeply invested in this person, and at one point, this person was everything to you. No matter how much you wish to distance yourself from that person now, and no matter if you've happily moved on with your life and don't care to look back, the memories will always be there. You can't erase a portion of your life. In that sense, I agree with Lilyrose77, dreams are simply a way of processing your past on a subconcious level. Basically, a way of dealing with the memories you have of your past. How the dreams are interpreted and dealt with is up to you. You can choose to carry on after you wake up and think nothing more of it (as I most often do), or pursue a professional's help to help you figure out how to cope with what you're dreaming if it bothers you that much, or is so frequent that you don't even want to sleep anymore.
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1666434_tn?1325265950
Sometimes dreams can indicate unfinished business and this can simply mean unfinished business that you may have with the relationship you had with this person.  Sometimes going over what happened, what went wrong, etc. can help.  You may have old fears that are trying to come to the surface in your dreams.
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184674_tn?1360864093
That's an interesting perspective about unfinished business. I know I have unfinished business with my ex that burdens me every single day--he needs to pay more child support and step up to his responsibilities as a father. This bothers me so much I don't even have words to describe how much it upsets me. Likewise, nearly every dream I have about my ex, I am angry with him, even if the dream qualifies as a "good" dream. Some dreams I've had about him in the past, I've had an anger so intense in the dream that when I wake up, my fists are clenched, heart racing, and I feel "fired up." That anger stays with me for days, sometimes weeks at a time.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for the advice.  I value all of it.  I think I agree with the unfinished business.  we were talking intimatley for a while, he was over seas.  while he was gone, he told me not to wait for him because he was so far away and who knew when he would be back.  so, i started seeing someone.  As it turns out, I ended up marrying him, pretty quickly.   We fell in love hard and really fast.  but I always wondered, what would have happend if I would have waited, or should I have waited on him?  Did I rush into a marriage that i should have held off on?  I love my husband, but I can't help but ask, what if?..  Maybe that's where my dreams come in.  playing out another path, a different world.  
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi.  Well, I'll be honest.  I've had more fab dreams about men that were not my husband than I can count.  Sometimes someone  from a previous relationship will pop in there.  

For me it isn't unfinished business.  It is just a dream.  I would not read too much into your dreams.  I really wouldn't.

Question though----------  are you getting along great with your hubby?  

Here is something quite personal for me.  Some of my dreams that are awesome . . . in them I am young, gorgous and the person I'm with is intensely attracted to me.  Not that my husband isn't . . . but I'm in my 40's, got a couple of kidlets, and been with my husband a total of 14 years.  I feel like my husband is attracted but I'm sure the "womanly" part of me liked the way he looked at me before I was super familiar.  Does that make sense?  So in my dreams, I have that feeling of someone new just really into me.  It is not so much unfinished business as just something that I guess I crave a bit.  And reality is----------  what it is.  No doubt my husband loves me and still acts like I'm hot and all.  But we still have been together for a long time.  

So, maybe it is part of that kind of thing too.   Anyway, I do feel dreams are harmless.  Okay, good luck
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