From someone with anxiety I get the same thoughts as you. I guessing this is anxiety causing insecurity.
I agree with SM and Tink and want to add that you don't have to act on your feelings. As I was reading it, I was picturing you quietly checking up on her, but it turns out it's a big loud thing and she's being grilled. You can't always help your feelings, but you can certainly help your behavior.
When you say you "don't like her going out to dinner with her girlfriends", do you mean you don't allow it, or you quietly don't want her to do it but she is able to do it anyway?
I don't know if you have kids or what ages they are, but you are entering a big danger zone time frame for divorce. She may be reaching the end of what she'll tolerate and the jealousy that used to seem cute and flattering is now seeming menacing and restrictive.
I agree with SM that you need to check in to being treated for anxiety.
BTW - I think showing cleavage is vulgar, so that alone isn't a big deal. The other stuff is ruining your relationship.
Hi there. Well, what I commend you for is realizing that you have a bit of an issue and not liking having it! So many refuse to ever look honestly at their shortcomings and stay stuck in patterns their whole life because of this. That you can admit that you (like all of us) have flaws is really wonderful and promising for making meaningful changes in your relationship.
Quick question--- the first thing that popped into my mind is that you are having obsessive thought. Is that accurate? That you can not 'quiet' your mind?? That is a symptom of anxiety. I'm wondering if you've explored this avenue. Anxiety is treatable. The best course of action is often therapy with medication. I would talk to your gp and check into a licensed psychologist that you could see and discuss this with. I can almost promise you success with that course of action in overcoming this. Lots of luck
You are putting unfair pressure on Your Wife because of Your Own insecurity.
Probably an insecurity that was an issue with You before You even knew Her. You are making this Her burden as well as Yours and this is not good - for either of You.
This isn't about being "old fashioned" - and it isn't about Her - it's about Your lack of self-worth. It would be good to seek counseling so that You and She can realize why this is an issue with You. You Both deserve Your Trust, Faith and Belief in Her.
Good Luck
Hi and welcome. It sounds like your not giving her the attention that you know she needs and is causing quilt turning into jealousy.
It not easy to give attention when people are together that long esp if you are old fashioned and believe the wife should take care of the husbands needs like the Cleaver family.
Maybe buy her some roses and give her a nice big kiss and tell her you love her more than anything and thank her for putting up with you this long.