Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

i'm a jealous husband...always have been

i am a 50 year old male.....i've been married for 26 years to my high school sweetheart......i've always been very jealous and lately its gotten worse.....i always have thoughts that my wife is cheating on me or flirting with other men. she has never given me a reason to think she is cheating, but its just a thought i cant get out my mind. ive went as far as to search her emails and even  went to her search history on facebook to see if she ever searches for other men........i hate when i get in my jealousy mood, cuz she always ends up crying and wonders how i could question her...... i'm old fashion i guess, i dont like her to go out to dinner with her girlfriends at night without me. and im just talking about dinner. (she doesnt drink and never has). i dont want her to wear anything that will reveal ANY clevage at all...... i always question her if she talks about sexual things with her girlfriends.....it just makes me mad when i think of her joking about sexual things with her friends. if she is telling about her day and mentions that she talk to a male because of business, i always want to know if she thought he was attractive......i dont know what to do cause i know its putting a strain on our marriage....but i cant help what comes in my mind.....
5 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
From someone with anxiety I get the same thoughts as you. I guessing this is anxiety causing insecurity.

Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
I agree with SM and Tink and want to add that you don't have to act on your feelings.  As I was reading it,  I was picturing you quietly checking up on her,  but it turns out it's a big loud thing and she's being grilled.  You can't always help your feelings,  but you can certainly help your behavior.

When you say you "don't like her going out to dinner with her girlfriends",  do you mean you don't allow it,  or you  quietly don't want her to do it but she is able to do it anyway?

I don't know if you have kids or what ages they are,  but you are entering a big danger zone time frame for divorce.  She may be reaching the end of what she'll tolerate and the jealousy that used to seem cute and flattering is now seeming menacing and restrictive.

I agree with SM that you need to check in to being treated for anxiety.  

BTW - I think showing  cleavage is vulgar,  so that alone isn't a big deal.  The other stuff is ruining your relationship.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, what I commend you for is realizing that you have a bit of an issue and not liking having it!  So many refuse to ever look honestly at their shortcomings and stay stuck in patterns their whole life because of this.  That you can admit that you (like all of us) have flaws is really wonderful and promising for making meaningful changes in your relationship.  

Quick question---  the first thing that popped into my mind is that you are having obsessive thought.  Is that accurate?  That you can not 'quiet' your mind??  That is a symptom of anxiety.  I'm wondering if you've explored this avenue.  Anxiety is treatable.  The best course of action is often therapy with medication.  I would talk to your gp and check into a licensed psychologist that you could see and discuss this with.  I can almost promise you success with that course of action in overcoming this.  Lots of luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal

You are putting unfair pressure on Your Wife because of Your Own insecurity.
Probably an insecurity that was an issue with You before You even knew Her.  You are making this Her burden as well as Yours and this is not good - for either of You.
This isn't about being "old fashioned" -  and it isn't about Her - it's about Your lack of self-worth.  It would be good to seek counseling so that You and She can realize why this is an issue with You.  You Both deserve Your Trust, Faith and Belief in Her.
Good Luck
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi and welcome. It sounds like your not giving her the attention that you know she needs and is causing quilt turning into jealousy.
It not easy to give attention when people are together that long esp if you are old fashioned and believe the wife should take care of the husbands needs like the Cleaver family.
Maybe buy her some roses and give her a nice big kiss and tell her you love her more than anything and thank her for putting up with you this long.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.