irresponsible father

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

So my baby is 3 months old and her father is extremely irresponsible it pisses me off he thinks it is okay to leave the baby in the house while he mows the yard or he will sleep while holding the baby on the couch I made a huge scene and told him if he ever does it again he will never hold the baby without my presence. I am so angry and he sees nothing wrong with sleeping while holding the baby!!! Or drinking while babysitting I seriously am just done explaining he's an idiot and putting his own child at risk. I'm wondering if it's just my idiot husband that's like that or are all dad's like that I really don't know? ?

[addlover]

I would stop calling it baby sitting.  He's the father , it's just parenting. May sound like samantics,  but baby sitting sounds like a temporary position
Just my 2 cents

[specialmom]

Hi there.  There are lots of parenting styles and the truth is, most babies are just fine.  What concerns me is the level of anger and threatening that is going on.  That is not good for the baby or the relationship either.  As adults, as parents---  we TALK about our concerns calmly and work them out.  If we are getting all yelling and acting like WE always know best and our partner is an idiot, that will take its toll.  And if you leave your husband, he can sue you for partial custody and then he'd be in charge all by himself during his entire visitation periods!  Isn't it better to handle things in a peaceful manner showing each other respect?

People have different opinions.  I have a darling picture of my husband and our baby snoozing together.  Baby fell asleep and while sitting there my husband dozed off.  It's very cute.  And the truth is, many MANY families co sleep.   I know that I myself have dozed off while holding my sleeping baby.  This is not bad parenting or idiotic behavior.  You can voice what you feel the concerns are and ask him not to do it or to be very mindful about it.  

As to a baby in a bouncy seat . .  .  those are pretty safe.  Not like baby is rolling around or toddling around unattended.  Young babies are the easiest because they will usually be totally safe in something like a bouncy seat for a  bit of time and HAPPY.  I put my baby in a bouncy seat and got chores done, dinner made, ran down tot he basement for a second, etc.  Now, I guess the concern is that he is outside and mowing so can't SEE baby.  And if you feel that is inappropriate, talk to him about it.  But it is not like he committed some major act of neglect there.  

And getting drunk. Well, I don't understand ANYONE who gets drunk all day.  That is concerning.  But was he drunk or having a beer/drink?  That's not a big deal to me but maybe it is you.  Are you exaggerating or do you live with an alcoholic who drinks at all hours of the day?  

So, I can understand your concerns but also think you are handling things in a way that is not going to be helpful for fixing the problem.

I heard this advice---  think it was fantastic.  When your partner does something you don't like---  you tell them that you want to talk to them.  You say quickly, this is why I am annoyed because you did X. Then you say, so, I'm going to act like your defense lawyer and come up with WHY you did that.  then do just that----  talk like you are his lawyer and give all the reasons in HIS DEFENSE.  And then say, I can see your side and why you did it but here is my side for why I wish you wouldn't.  And this takes the defensive nature of the discussion out of the picture.  You don't sound like you disrespect him and where he is coming from, etc. and it goes better.

I married an educated man that I love and respect.  he does things differently than me often.  But because he is someone I respect, I trust him.  We are partners in all things including raising our children.  I don't have the right to act like everything he does is completely wrong and if I had that little respect for him, I'd never have married him or chosen to have kids with him.  Marriage is about being a team.  You need to be a team with your husband rather than his superior in parenting.  good luck

[sep19_2]

And yes some people have a really laid back type of parenting. But when something happens to the baby, it will be a wake up call for them. Its better safe than sorry i always say. Theres just no need to take that chance with the health and safety or your children.

[sep19_2]

Your welcome hun. I hope he changes for you and the baby and listens to you a little more. That must be Really hard to not trust the person you had a baby with to actually take care of her. Good thing she has a great over protective mama. Just keep getting on him about it and hopefully something will stick.

[LaurenC86]

Wow... that's surprises me that he would still do things.like that after taking the parenting classes. I don't think I would trust him alone with baby, and I know that's got to be really hard on you. Hang in there, hopefully things will get better. But until then I think I would just take him off unsupervised baby duty for awhile. And you're welcome, I totally get where you're coming from!! Better safe than sorry I say.  

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

For understanding and the support I cannot believe some people can be so calm and careless about a little helpless infant it scares me

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

Thank you sep19_2 and LaurenC86

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

We took lots of parenting classes that's what upsets me :(

[LaurenC86]

And definitely don't leave him alone with baby if he's gettin drunk, he needs to grow up and realize he's responsible for another life here. Good luck!!!

[sep19_2]

And also my daughter was born premature and stayed in the hospital for a month before coming home. She weighed on 4 pounds when we took her home. So we were both very catious of our actions and what we did and did not do around her. But no matter even if we had a full term baby i would have still been very over protective and catious. But thats just us. Everyone is different and has different views on parenting.

[LaurenC86]

I agree with you, I'm in parenting classes right now, and took them with my first as well and they stress more than anything to NOT sleep with baby. I'm in other programs as well that stress this as well. Its one thing if it's an accident for a few minutes to doze but to intentionally sleep with baby is very unsafe and I've watched video after video on this matter in the classes I'm taking and seen the stories parents have told that thought it was safe or no big deal and ended up accidentally suffocating or dropping baby. So I personally would freak out about that too bc any parenting class you take stresses the importance of not doing this. And mowing the lawn without a monitor or any kind of supervision is completely irresponsible as well. If I was you I'd make him attend parenting classes that can teach him all this and until he does to nit leave him alone with baby. There are many places that offer free classes if you are in the US, just call your local health department and they can set you up with some.

[sep19_2]

Sorry for all the typos!! My phone is being crazy. Hope you understood though. Best of luck to you.

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

I am scared to know what else all moms do or is okay then. Maybe I'm wrong and crazy and overly cautious but that's not going to change

[sep19_2]

I dont think your your over reacting at all. I understand all your concerns andbi woildnt be pleased with my daughters fayer either of he did those things. He never leaves her unattended while she is awake or sleeping, god forbid something happens and he doesnt make it inside fast enough to get her. My daughters father also never has fallen asleep with the baby on him, he is to scared she might have rolled off. Some people are heavy sleepers and dont realize whats happening when theh are sleeping. She only has ever slept in her bed or bouncer or swing. But he is great at staying up for her. He doesnt drink so i dont have that problem either. My daughter is now 2 yrs old. And we are on baby number 2. Dont listen to others you have every right to be concerned just have a serious talk with him and let him know your fears.

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

No one purposely rolls over or on the baby while asleep it just happens. Accidents happen

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

I am not easily angered. Wow I expected MOMS to be more understanding I did not expect everyone to think being irresponsible or sleeping with baby is okay when there are so many possibilities of crushing the baby. And I have ONE baby not two not three and I am responsible for her if everyone wants to take the chance and sleep while on the couch with the baby or not watch the baby or drink with the baby okay yall. Not this mama

[MSmith2012]

With mowing the lawn maybe just address he should have the monitor with him. Sleeping on the couch many people cos keep as long as he's not rolling I've on the baby or dropping baby then calm down.  The drinking, if he's just having a beer or two abs is still full able to take care of baby what's the problem. Now if he's getting drunk then there would be a problem.

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

I understand everyone has different views on parenting but I do not agree or think it is okay. I also know how my husband sleeps which is why i was so angry

[sabbylopez]

I sleep with my baby every night and my husband does to im having my third child and both my two are still alive. The only time you shouldn't sleep with a child is when you are completely understand the influence. I agree with the ftm syndrome. Mowing the law yes that is idiotic but sleeping with baby? Sounds like you are easily angered and taking it out on little things.

[proudmommytobe15]

Honestly the chance isn't very high.
I've never seen anyone kill a baby whole sleeping with them on the couch.

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

I just don't want to risk it like why take the chance you know?  

[WhiteJasmineRose3]

I try to be understanding but I'd like my baby to make it past the infant stage while my husband figures out how this parent thing works

[proudmommytobe15]

It sounds like you have ftm syndrome. As long as he's not a crazy rolling sleeper , your baby is fine. You can argue but I've slept with tons of babies on my chest on the couch. They're all living. It's like the luvs commercial with the first kid. Then by the second kid. Calm down. I do think the drinking part is terrible , but the other stuff isn't awful. Tell him to take a minute when he mows the grass or to do it she he doesn't have baby

[proudmommytobe15]

I agree with the first post