is he playing me already??

[yankee_girl]

I been with my boyfriend not to long its only been a month. I met him on a dating website. He's great i have a lot of fun with him were always going out we get along great. He tells me that he wants a serious relationship with me, and we will last a long time, but when hes with me he texts a lot and i saw a girl name with the dating website we met on it said "Dian Pof" so this means he's talking to another girl. When she texted him he pulled the phone away real fast so he prob doesn't know i saw that and this is the second time i saw that but he prob thinks i ddn't see it. What do i do? Do i ignore it? Or should i have said something? Do i try to bring it up in a converstion now? or do i just wait and wait for it to come up again and then say something? I don't want it to seem like i don't trust him and im a controlling physco.

[RockRose]

yankee,  what do you want in this relationship?

What he wants,  and he's told you very clearly,  is an intimate sexual relationship that lasts a long time.  Meaning,  he wants to have sex with you for quite awhile,  and then he intends to have it end.

Is that what you want also?  Do you want a series of relationships throughout your life that last quite a while,  and then end?  Because that seems to be the most he's wanting.

[yankee_girl]

its not about sex, our relationship is not like that at all. He's always wanting to see me and he takes me out a lot. I met his friends and family. I see him often, he always wants to be around me. He's so honest with me if i do something he doesn't like he will tell me right away. He will tell me something even if i don't want to hear it. Even if he thinks it will hurt me he still will tell me and then he tells me how he feels about me and how amazing i really am. So he can be honest with me but i just want to know who is this other girl and what do i do about it?

[teko]

You are a month into a relationship with a guy you met online, that wants to have an intimate relationship with you, and all the while is texting other online hopefuls? What part of that do you not understand.  He is a loser, a fun loser maybe, but nonetheless a loser.

[Judy246]

The guy is playing you and a relationship with trust and doubt issues early on is a warning sigh and usually does not work out.  If he met you on a website, I'm sure he has met other girls and is probably communicating with them too.  Don't let him play you. Tell him what you saw straight out...he has some explaining to do and if you are not able to trust him now, you will be headed for heartache tomorrow.

It very early on in the relationship and there are a lot of great, fun guys out there that will love you and you only for who you are.  Judy

[Mitch82]

Yeah I will have to agree with the above mentioned posts, you have only been dating for a month, it is possible that he is in contact with a few other girls, this may be due to the fact that he is on a online site and still getting contacts, he may not intend on doing anything about this or he may intend on pursuing these girls.  Choice is yours you can be naive and ignore the signs or take control and let him go.

[heatherlynn22]

he did he come right out and say that you are exclusive right now? if not...he may still be playing the field seeing what else is available. he's telling you what you want to hear so that you don't go off searching for anyone else either. have you tried asking him about it? telling him that you are ready to be serious but if he's not then....had him the walking papers.

[waringblender]

You should assume he is seeing other women and/or sleeping with other women if the 2 of you have not openly discussed exclusivity.

If this is okay with you, then go ahead and keep seeing him. Frankly, I need the exclusivity once I start having sex with them. It's the only thing that will make me feel emotionally safe. It doesn't matter WHEN you start having sex - if you want or expect exclusivity once the sex begins, you need to discuss it with him and be very clear that that is what you want and expect.  Otherwise, he's not doing anything "wrong" by playing the field, texting other women, being interested in other women, or sleeping with them or dating them.

I was dating a guy for a few months who was really gung-ho about a bunch of "social groups" that he joined in our city. He was going out almost every night to one event or another with different groups of people. We did not have an agreement to be exclusive, so of course it made me nervous that he was doing this, as he of course had the potential for meeting larger numbers of women this way (which is one of the reasons I assume he was doing it in the first place).

If we had agreed to being exclusive and only seeing each other, I wouldn't have cared about his groups and the activities as he was doing, AS LONG AS it didn't interfere with our time together.

But he bailed on me as soon as I asked for sexual exclusivity after having slept with him for a number of weeks.

You need to be clear about what you want from him. If you don't care if he's sleeping with other women, it's fine. But get him to clarify it for you either way. Then make a decision.

[yankee_girl]

i never said we were having sex and were not!!! a month is to soon for me and yes we are exclusive he asked me if i wanted to be i said yes and he calls me his girlfriend but then theres nights that he dissperars from me and i don't hear from him and then he comes up with an lame excuse.

[Judy246]

I'm proud of you not giving in early in the relationship and I recommend that you sit down with him and have a discussion on how you are feeling and don't be a codependent (not that you are) type of woman.  It's ok if he does not call you every single night or have to know his every move. He did introduce you to his friends and family, which is a good sign, but if your inner voice or woman's intuition is telling you something is wrong, you have the right to investigate it and get answers. Judy

[mami1323]

Then he's not as serious as he says he is.  First of all, being together only a month and him making it "official" is way too soon.  I would've saw a red flag just from that alone.  It would have been much more impressive if he was honest with you and said, hey let's take this slow and see where things go and then did what he did on the side.  Because he's not giving you any hopes and not putting any conditions on expectations.  But since he's been deceitful even after a month, then you will know how the rest of the relationship will go from now on.  I would cut it off now before you become more invested with him emotionally and sexually.  Basically he wants you to be the exclusive one but wants to still play the field.  Good luck.

[RockRose]

Yankee you're profile shows you were alone and lonely and not in a relationship April 30.

I really think you're rushing this commitment and exclusivity thing.  It sounds like you've been with this guy 2 1/2 weeks at most.   No one should commit at that point.  

[vmvnpv]

I honestly don't think he's playing you.  He told you what he's looking for in a relationship but that doesn't necessarily mean he's going to have sex with you and dump you (as one pp said).  You guys met about a month ago online through a dating site.  He's still feeling you out and deciding if he wants to pursue a relationship further with you.  He's also doing the same with at least one other girl.  That's called dating.  When people date they usually date a few people at a time and decide which one is a better fit for them.  Now if he made it clear that you two are exclusive (which it doesn't seem he has) then he would be a cheater, player, whatever.  But you guys are still in the early stages of dating and you seem to be getting too attached.  Sit down and talk to him and see where you guys stand.  If he doesn't want to make it exclusive yet it's your chance to date other guys and get to know them too.  He may not be the right one for YOU.  Why waste all your free time with a time you may not want to be with in the end?

I am a bit concerned with him telling you what he likes and doesn't like for you to do, even if it hurts your feelings.  It seems too early to be so picky and bossy, especially if he's dating other girls besides you.  He seems to be a bit controlling which could lead into more serious things.