is porn replacing me?

[mmt85]

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years In that 10 years, we have lived separately twice. We have been together since I was 19, so along the line we both questioned other relationships and personal identity. We have since been back together for 2 years now and now can honestly consider such a huge step of marriage and children. Before we got back together, I was honest and told him I had dated someone else during our time apart. I asked him if he had and he said no. I began to question him when I started to realize that our sex life was going down the toilet. Every time we "tried" to have sex, he either wasn't fully erect or he was soon to be completely limp during sex. We finally got to the point we will go more than 4 mos without having sex. This is a HUGE bother to me. We have always had a healthy sex life. I have addressed the issue many times and I have gotten responses such as he got distracted, he's tired, or hes too hot. So, I began digging. I went through his phone and computer. I wasn't too surprised to see all the porn on his history. He will literally surf the web on porn sites for hours. It is nothing fetish or graphic...mostly nude photos and couples videos. I brought this to his attention and let him know that it was not making me feel good about myself, especially in the bedroom. He assured me it was no big deal and every guy looks at porn and its easier and more convenient. Since then, he changed the password on his computer (which I know) and now uses his phone for most of his porn watching. He will literally go to another room with his phone or computer when im asleep. If I go out for an errand, he spends the time watching porn! This is literally making me crazy. I finally gave up on going through any phone or computer history because it mentally wore me out! Has porn ruined his sex drive for the real thing? Is  counseling necessary? I have spent 10 years with this man, and I refuse to marry someone who would rather watch porn than have sex with me. If any one has advise on how to remedy this situation, I'm all ears.

[Chima7]

There has been evidence that guys who use a lot of porn end up having issues with getting it up more often than not. So, his porn obsession seems to be contributing to his erectile dysfunction more than anything. You should look for those articles online, google it. Print out those articles and show them to him. Tell him that he is causing his own problem so it's his choice whether he wants his porn and remains impotent or if he wants the real deal and not be impotent. It's his choice.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi,
Life is meant to be lived. Two people working together to accomplish their goals as a single unit. Participating in society and being rewarded as their creative talents blossom. Comforting eachother during tragety, leaning on eachother during times of failure and being there to enjoy success.

It does not appear that this is what he is doing. From what you describe hes just hanging around watching other people make love and fanticising.

This is not what these short years of life are about and i would consider either being alone to avoid all this unnessessary drama or find someone that wants to live.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I'm very sorry about this.  I AM glad that you are just dating and not married.  He does sound to be using porn as an escape and to the extent that he then can not have sex with his partner.  And he won't admit that there is a problem.  It is unusual for a young man to have continuous issues with getting/keeping an erection.  

I would ask him to begin the hard process of getting real help from a psychologist.

But sweetie, I would consider that this isn't the best relationship for you to be in.  This is a long process to undo some of the psychological issues he now has due to his USE of porn (yes, many men look at porn but he USES it in an unhealthy way to the detriment of his real relationships).  I would consider that he may have some depression or something like that going on and the porn is kind of a mask to it or a 'drug' for him.  Hard to live with.

consider that you'd be better off with a healthier partner or at the very least, one that is more sexually compatible with you for a long term relationship.

good luck