kind of found the right guy????????

[sarah42nd]

Well... I think I finally found a guy I can kind of settle down with,finally. He cares for me ,calls me and is a good person. He's  never hit  me ...He's basically the total opposite of Rod. But one think gets to me ... It's the way  he talks to me some times. I don't like it... Like when he calls me  sometimes he'll be very vulgar and rude. We never fight or anything .



I don't know if he means to be this way or not. ( yea I have talked to him about it )But I don't want to invest my time and effort into a relationship, if its just going to end up like  all the rest of them .


What do you guys think?

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Run from the jerk.

Find counselling so you are no longer drawn to abusers.

[pertykitty]

sarah!! vulgar and rude remarks are not something you will accept! you deserve more, but i think untill you find a way to heal from all this, you shouldnt be searching for a man to make you happy. you have to make yourself happy. we all care about you and that is why we are so honest. tell this man he isnt worth your time and that you dont want to hear from him again. you know darn well that things will probably get worse as time goes on. sweetie you have to know you are better than that!! take care and i hope the new year brings you peace of mind and the strength to do what makes you happy

[idesofmarch]

It sounds like you have a history of abuse.  I think that you should look into a support group and they can help you break the cycle of abuse.  Take atleast a year to work on your issues of low self-esteem.  No relationships in the meantime.  Almost all abuse starts with verbal.  Listen to your gut feelings and break it off with this guy.  You don't have to give him a long list of reasons just tell him that your not ready for any relationships at this time.  Do not promise to get in touch with him when you feel ready either, He is NOT ever going to be a good choicefor you or anyone else.

[PlateletGal]

I agree with RoseRose, sarah. As you know abusers start out by calling you all of the time, seducing you and getting you to fall for them. And then their true self comes out later on... starts by disrepecting you, calling you names, throwing things and gets worse after that.

Please remind yourself every night that you will NOT settle for less and you deserve better ! If you truly believe that, then a real man will come along.

Good luck and Happy Holidays to you & your family !

[Trialanderror]

I so agree with comments above. One more thing: is he vulgar and rude towards you or is he that way talking about other people and situations? If the latter, you could give him the benefit of a doubt but be cautious about the whole relationship. If it is directed at yourself though, I would give him the boot right away. I found that people who even treat things without respect, like books, cars, CDs etc, usually end up treating people without rrespect eventually.
And that is not what you need when push comes to shove.

[Laurka]

for whatever it's worth... here is my opinion.

first of all, i agree with RockRose 100%!!

in addition to that some guys get like that when they know they've got you for sure, but in the reality they want some "hunting" some "victories"... so i would give him these chances, but from this moment on he would be striked out as a "settlement" guy... until he improves his attitude...

[sarah42nd]

Yea ...thanks.... It's the way he talks to me ....
I've decided to just not waste my energy in that relationship....

[pixijal]

Don't waste your time...
Where are your standards?

[RockRose]

"He's never hit me"  is a pretty low standard,  Sarah!

When you're dating,  you're relationship is as good as it gets.  He will probably be more respectful,  more caring,  trying harder to please,  and spending more energy trying to win you than if you get married.

If he's already treating you rudely and with vulgarity,  it'll only get worse.

I'd say if his behavior is already bothersome,  keep looking.