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lonely
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lonely

I have been with my husband for almost four years and we used to do everything together I hAve had a disease for 5 years nothing contagious but there is no cure and not many docs know about it so I'm not being treated about the past year I have really went down I'm home bound my husband really don't have nothing to do with me he is not supportive in fact I get called lazy all the time but its the disease not me but he goes to work comes home goes to his shop or leaves the house and bedtime comes around he comes to bed and we go to sleep we really don't talk I'm always by myself and its getting old he don't spend time with me or his step kids and I don't know what to do to get him to I can't talk to him about it without it being a big fight and I need some tlc and afraid our marriage is coming to a end and I love him so much I don't want that to happen but its like the cars he fixes or friends r more important actually everything is more important I'm just tired being alone
8 Comments Post a Comment
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Hi, what is the disease that you have... Having this info will help people to respond.
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973741_tn?1342346373
I'm sorry to hear this.  I agree more info about the disease would be helpful if you are comfortable sharing.

He seems a little angry with you.  Does he feel you should be doing more?   Did he think you'd be working when he married you?  Did you work when he met you?  could he be resentful of this?

Do you have any other people in your life besides him?  Friends or family?
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7053344_tn?1405892476
Have you suggested having a date night with him? Maybe that'll get the spark back. Could he feel your disease is holding you back from doing things with him?
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry I have dysautonomia/pots I was doing everything when we got together cleaned house worked in yard and had a job and about a year of us being together I started going down and he does stay mad at me a lot I don't know if its because of the disease or not and I know about the past month he really has nothing to do with me and when I try to pick with him or kiss me he tells me to stop and huffs and puffs when I try to kiss him and it hurts cause I do love him
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, I'm so sorry.  This coincided with the onset of your symptoms?  

When you talk to him, have you asked him about his feelings on the matter?  It's hard because sometimes the answer can hurt but if you start talking, then perhaps you can begin talking about how to change things.  Counseling would be so terrific for the two of you but know that if he isn't budging at all in terms of how he is acting and you two aren't talking about it, it is hard to get him there.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks Yea I have tried to get him to go he agreed to go but he never attempts to go I have made appointments and something always comes up
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480448_tn?1403547723
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.  

If I may ask, do you think that perhaps some of the issues you've got going on, with the way you've gone downhill could be related to depression, or other emotional "fall out" per se?  It would be understandable for you to suffer from depression and/or anxiety secondary to your chronic conditions.  I'm just trying to get a feel for if maybe he's somewhat justified in how he feels, that you could be doing more?  If depression is an issue, then that needs to be addressed, as depression will cause you to isolate yourself, pull away from the things you used to like to do, and it will kill your motivation.  That combined with your conditions would make daily life very difficult.

Just try to be honest with yourself here a bit, IF he is at all justified in the way he feels, that he thinks your lack of "work" at home isn't 100% due to your illnesses, then that's something you could work on together.  You could start by admitting to him that you've done a little bit of self assessment and have come to the conclusion that he's not completely wrong.  It's hard enough to deal with the stress of watching a loved one suffer, and there are a lot of other emotions that come into play as well....anger, resentment, sadness, regretful, guilt etc.  Some of those emotions are sometimes justified, and sometimes they're not so much, but either way, they're no less significant to the person experiencing them.  

Marriage is a two way street with both parties needing to do their part.  If indeed you feel that you've deteriorated so much due partly to an emotional aspect, addressing that will likely make things a good bit better in your marriage, not to mention it will make YOU feel a whole lot better!  

Obviously, if you're completely physically unable to do these tasks, then the issue is going to be more about his tolerance level, his frustration, and his emotional status.  Just remember that while you feel he's being cold, that may be a defense mechanism.  He may feel totally hopeless, yet at the same time, resentful (even though an illness is no one's fault) that he feels he has to do everything.  It's sometimes tough to dig deep and look within oneself to determine what role WE play in a relationship problem.  Either way, it's a tough situation for you both.

I wish you the very best.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I am depressed but that's not y I can't do things its the disease itself but he don't do nothing to help me at all
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