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lost

Hey u guys I have never posted here before but I have read a lot of post. But anyways here's my story I have been with my bf for 8 years and have a 4 year old daughter we have lived together since day one long srry my mother took him in bc his mom didn't want him anymore and every since then we have been together. And now we have our own place but anyways for the past yr or so I would say a lot of **** has changed like it is so diffrent now its like he don't even care about me anymore he calls me names every single day he's always doing **** that pisses me off and I try my best to make him happy I try and get the same days off from wrk so we can spend time together and when I do he  always has something to do or he wants to sleep or something and like if he's sad or something I'm always there wiping his tears or holding him but when I'm sad and crying he tells me to stop crying bc the bby don't need to see me crying  it just hurts my feelings even more and if we go out to eat or something very rare hell get mad if he has to pay for mine it doesn't bother him to pay for the bbys but it pisses him off if he has to pay for mine or if I ask him for some money it makes him mad.. ill try to love on him and he will kinda like just push me away. It's just so weird bc our sex life is great and I don't understand how u can love me and **** when we have sex but no other time? I have also asked him several times about marriage and he always tells me that he's not ready but its like Damn Wat about me being rdy I'm just so tired of dating I want something more from our relationship and he don't and another thing I don't understand is that every mothers day,Valentines.birthday,and Christmas he will buy me a ring everytime and it kind of hurts my feelings bc Wtf is a ring that don't mean anything ! Srry for the long post I just don't know Wat to do I don't wanna throw it down the drain just tired of trying and putting all my effort into something if nothing is going to change.. please help thanks
9 Comments Post a Comment
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1962649_tn?1332448451
holy cow--you want to MARRY a guy that treats you this way? WHY?
because you are tired of dating?  i would run for the hills if i were you. this guy is not treating you right and why are you tolerating it? marry him and it will only get worse. 50% of all marriages that start out really great end in divorce and your relationship is already a disaster. do not marry. run for the hills!
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1962649_tn?1332448451
Qualities of a Successful Relationship

This is what we should all be aiming for apparently!

Love
Support
Tolerance
Communication
Realistic expectations
Caring
Trust
Nurturing
Sense of humor
Commitment
Respect
Know how to handle conflict
Problem solve together
Interdependence
Caring
Enjoy one another
Have fun together
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Shell u are very right I don't know y I would want to marry him ya know? I think its bc I don't want to be by myself but yet I feel by myself when I am with him so alone and scared hell I am pretty much by myself thank u for ur advice u are so right!
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"Qualities of a Successful Relationship" submitted by Shell921 - I SO AGREE!!
This is our "right" - ALL of us, HIM, HER, YOU, ME, - ALL of us!! - this is what We should strive for!!  

MARRIAGES!! - (even "Relationships") NEED Love, Trust, Honor, Respect, AND Desire.  People in relationships need to EMBODY the adjective forms of  these words:
LOVEABLE
TRUSTWORTHY
HONORABLE
RESPECTABLE and
DESIRABLE

If one of the Persons stops (or fails to be) one of these things - the Relationship (Marrige) will suffer!!  We need to recognize, realize when this happens (each and every one of us!!)  And we need to make decisions that most likely will affect the REST OF OUR LIVES!!

Good Luck with Your decision!!
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1962649_tn?1332448451
Yes TTinKKerBBell i agree it is our RIGHT in all our relationships to be treated with respect and love. I eliminated the users and the takers from my life years ago and now only have people around me who respect and love me and treat me well. NO relationship can last if there is not RESPECT and TRUST at the core, Friendships also must have these!!

Bubbly you need to learn to love yourself more and then you will not accept crappy treatment. If your children see you accept crap treatment then that is what you are teaching them to accept in their life. Don't model accepting crappy treatment. Break the chain. Break the cycle. Choose health and respect!
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1268057_tn?1419171505
Your statement...."we have lived together since day one long srry my mother took him in bc his mom didn't want him anymore and every since then we have been together."  Hmmmm....if his own mother didn't want to deal with him that's pretty bad.  

You stated you don't want to "throw" this down the drain, well....to be perfectly honest this is ALREADY at the bottom of the drain.  

You deserve better; don't settle because you don't think you will find anyone else.  

BTW:  After 8 years and a 4 year old child together I think it is safe to say this man is NOT interested in marriage.

Agree with Shell and Tink.
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1962649_tn?1332448451
I think we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. If we feel contempt for ourselves or think very little of ourselves, we may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to us. If we are willing to tolerate negative treatment from others, or treat others in negative ways, it is possible that we also treat ourselves similarly. You may want to consider how you treat yourself. What sorts of things do you say to yourself? Do thoughts such as "I'm stupid" or "I never do anything right" dominate your thinking? Learning to love and care for ourselves increases self-esteem and makes it more likely that we will have healthy, intimate relationships.

You teach people how to treat you. You want better treatment? Start by making friends with yourself. Be good to yourself. Take care of yourself. Protect yourself. Stop giving away your power. People who don't support you, respect you or care about you are not worth it. Learn this lesson NOW while you are young and avoid a lot of frustration & pain for the rest of your life. What if you knew a woman your age and she was in your situation? What advice would you give HER?
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Thank u all so much everything that yall said makes so much sense to me now! Thanks
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, I think these wise ladies have given really excellent advice.  I'm not a huge person on just thinking about the romance of the relationship but find all of the practical details to be as if not more important.  

It is okay to end a relationship with someone that doesn't treat you well.  It is still hard to do but in the end, that is how you set an expectation level for those in your life.  If you expect them to treat you well and won't settle for less, you won't attract people that dump on you.  And that is a much better way to live.

good luck and I do hope that you let this guy go and open yourself up for a relationship that is more kind and respectful.  Peace
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