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marriage

Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. Weve lived together for 3 years. We also dated for 2 years when we were younger. I have a son(hes not the dad) but he acts more like a dad to him than his own dad does. Went we first started talking about marriage-he said 3 years till we marry and 4-5 till kids. Its been 4 years now. Now he says he wants to buy a house, get married and THEN have kids. Im to the point where Im about to give up! My son is now 6 yrs old and by the time we have kids,my son will probably be a teenager! Which is EXACTLY what happened to my boyfriend. Hes 24 and his next younger sibling is 14-and he HATED that growing up! What should I do?!
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Avatar_f_tn
Now, why would he want to buy a house before he gets married?  And I am assuming you do not have a ring on your finger yet and you clearly have no date set for a wedding so when was he planning on pursuing this getting married and having more kids part?  I don't think it takes someone 4 years to decide if the person they are dating is the person they want for the rest of their lives... And where did the magical number of 3 years come from?  

Its been 4 years... He said he'd marry you in 3.  But you live together and share everything together - so why make the commitment when he can have it all with no strings attached?  

Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
Well sweetheart some men take longer to take that big step then others. I dont really know the reason he might want to wait for marriage but I defiently think if you really love him then you should stay with him. The one thing you don't want to ever do is pressure a man into marriage when he isnt ready. When you get married you want to know that he proposed to you because its really what he wanted. But I do understand where your coming from sweety but if he isnt ready theres really nothing more you can do. Some men just take longer then other! Just let him know how your feeling and hopefully that will help.
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13167_tn?1327197724
Patty,  your son is already too old to have a sibling to grow up with.  Even if you got pregnant right now,  there would be 7 years between them.  When you have that much distance,  you really don't have the "peer" sibling relationship anyway.

But I think you  need to decide what you want in life - and if it's marriage and more kids,  you need to tell him.  That's fine if he doesn't want that,  that's his choice,  but you both have a right to make choices about your destiny and you have every right to say I thought the plan was go get married - if not,  I'm moving on.

There is not reason to live your life according to his plan and just give up yours.  Both plans are equal,  they just aren't the same and there's no reason to throw away your dreams just because he's dragging his feet.
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Avatar_f_tn
Bearhitch took the words right out of my mouth. Some guys are afraid of commitment, when it comes to marriage. But if you let them have everything without getting married, then why would he want to get married.  I also dont think it takes a person 3 years to figure out if you want to marry someone, because technically, you will be learning new things about your mate until the day you die.

I would persue the issue to see what HE REALLY WANTS, because if he dont want to get married you need to figure out if you want to stay with him continuing doing the same thing.  And far as buying a house b4 marriage, my cousin got married at court house(it was very cheap), they are having a cermony a year from now, which will be june 09, and they are working TOGETHER towards their future and building TOGETHER.

Im sorry, i dont beleive in playing house, my FATHER told me, if you give him everything, he will be content and probably not propose to you for a long time,(not saying he may not love you, but just scared of marriage).  Im sorry, if you tell me you love me and want to spend the rest of your life with me, whats wrong with making the next step.  I think you need to talk to him, see what he is thinking and let him no how you feel.  Good luck
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