masterbation and pornography

[Yummy0]

I have been married for two months, I knew my husband for a year and a half before we got married.It still bothers me that he might look at porn and masterbate. he says he has a low sex drive and that's why he only interested in having sex once maybe twice a month. I don't understand if he has a low sex drive why he still has to look at porn, he has looked at a lot of porn in the past. It makes me feel not good enough, that he has got bored of me and I'm not attractive to him anymore. He would like me just to accept that he does look at porn, but I find this very difficult.

[teko]

I c no problem with porn as long as both parties in a committed relationship agree that there is nothing wrong with it. However, if that is not the case, then it is wrong. When two people get married hopefully they are aware of what each likes and dislikes, and it is a matter of respect for your partner and your relationship. In my opinion, if you are into porn and putting it above the feelings of your partner, then there is a big problem with it. Is it worth making your significant other feel dirty, replaced, not good enough? No, it is not and if it is, maybe the relationship should not have gone as far as marriage. I think it is called compatibility issues. My husband does not get into it, finds it silly and immature. He says a naked woman does absolutely nothing for him and never has. I, as well find nothing stimulating in a naked man and never have. We are compatible. Does it offend us for others to delve? Not a bit. No jealousy, no telling one or the other we can or cannot do something either. We just dont get into it, and after reading some of the posts of the hurt caused by it, I am so glad we dont. But for this poster, it is a big deal and should not be happening.

[broke123]

i wonder what % of men looks at porn. just out of curiosity... im one of those that doesnt see a problem with men looking at porn. or women looking at porn. its not that evil.
u should ask him what is it that he likes about porn? not in a way that he will get defensive, but as a casual sex convo (those r still ok right?) maybe its something simple, that u can do with him. maybe he has a fetish or a fantasy, and is too embarrassed to ask you. if this is an open topic and is up for discussion i think its much better then puttin Taboo on porn and stalking his computer to see if he went to look at porn. if he wants to look he will look, he will just hide it better. why would u want him to hide something?
maybe u can watch it together? :)
i hope u guys work this out ;)

[Judy246]

You haveonly been married for only 2 months!!!! and I don't understand how he states to have a low sex drive, yet enjoys porno quite a bit. Something is not right...maybe he's addicted to porn, maybe, you were not aware that " this is something "normal" for him, but in reality it's not.  I would definately have a hugh problem with this because something is  just not right and what's scary is that you are still in the honeymoon stages of your marriage. I think it's best to communicate directly to him, especially in the early stages of your marriage...f from the very beginning and come straight out and tell him of your concerns. What you like and don't like.

HIS behavior is not your fault and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  it's his issue that needs to be address as soon as possible, so that your relationship does not start out dysfunctional. If he is having sexual problems, then he needs to go to his doctor and simply get it checked out and make sure you have full access to the computer's history to see what he is looking at and I would put the computer in your bedroom, to make him aware that you are there and will investiage. Good Luck.

[teko]

Any thing wrong with porn? I would only say to you that if his doing this makes you feel this way then there is definately a problem with it!  And you are not alone, lots of women feel the same way, as would I.

Some would tell you that there is no problem with it, but to me it is like a drug. You start looking, get addicted to it and then keep delving into what goes beyond. Who knows where it will go? Has no place in a committed relationship in my opinion.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Well, I have seen similar questions asked here several times and you are going to get some say that there is nothing wrong w/ porn and some will say that it's wrong.  I personally believe it's wrong on many levels, but you have to decide what is okay for you and what is not.  You have to decide what you can live with.  Only you can make that call.  No one here can make that decision for you.

I had a very good friend once that went through this.  Her boyfriend would look at porn and masturbate all the time.  And this girl was willing to have sex everyday!  She just couldn't understand why he prefered the porn and masturbation to her.  And I cannot tell you that I understand it myself.  I couldn't.  She eventually left him for this and other reasons.  But I know that it really hurt her and her self esteem and no man is worth that.  I wish you the best of luck though, with whatever you decide.