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my boyfriend talks down to me
my boyfriend broke up with me a while ago. when we got back together , he made me all these promises about how he was going to be nicer. he really made me believe him. he got on meds and agreed to go to a therapist. although he didnt end up going, he was better to me. but now he is back to talking down to me again. As soon as he does, i loose all confidence in myself. I have tried to talk to him. and its good for a while...but when it happens again and i dont know how to stop him, then and there. I just end up crying, which i think ....makes him feel like he is in control.I just need to know how to make him realize what a jerk he is being.
any advice would be wonderful. thanks in advance.
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13167 tn?1327197724
cole,  why are you with him?

Life's short.  Move on and later look for someone normal.  It starts with you,  though.  You have to attract and go after normal guys,  not like this guy.  
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502065 tn?1329191119
You don't deserve to be spoken down to like that!  Especially if it is affecting your confidence! Leave him, find a nice lad that will make you feel good about yourself! You are ALOT better then him, make the wise move and leave him. If you dont want to leave him then only way to make him realise is play him at his own game.

But you probably are best leaving him. Best of luck,
Ben
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I think you know this is not right or that this relationship is healthy for you. You want tips on resolving this and making him see the light. That is not going to happen. We cannot change people nor make them c the world thru our eyes. Leave now and avoid the issue 20 years down the road. The result of this relationship is losing yourself.
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leave this relationship, and move on and get your self esteem back, you need to work on on this, otherwise there is nothing wrong with you, it is him  luck  jo
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684030 tn?1415615923
You said the key word, "control."
Put-downs, berating and "talking down" to someone is a powerful form of emotional manipulation and constitutes mental abuse. He's your boyfriend; and, he should be lifting your spirit with loving and supportive words; not tearing you down and bringing you to tears. Explain to him that if can not keep his negative and un-welcomed opinions to himself or find something more meaningful and constructive to say... that he should keep his mouth shut!
Also, tell him clearly and directly that if he is unable to break himself of this destructive and annoying habit, that your time together will have to come to an end.
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686059 tn?1293837427
No one deserves to be disrespected, talked down to, mistreated, hit ...love shouldn't hurt, but unfortunately we are in this inperfect world with inperfect people.

Every time he makes you feel insecure, he feels empowered and if he treats you this way now, if you marry him, we will read your name in the obituaries.

Please take back control of your life and NEVER permit anyone to treat you less that you deserve to be treated....with respect.

For you health and safety....dump the guy!!!!

There are so many guys that will accept you for who you are and treat you the way you want to be treated.  With patience and surround yourself with good friends, family and a good environment, you will blossom. Good luck and please take our advise at heart....he is no good for you and will only bring you down.....get rid of him.  Judy
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ya know why he talks down to you? To boost himself up because he is very insecure for one. And, as you said, the price is how you feel about yourself. The lower you feel about your the more likely you will not leave. If he can convince you that you are lucky to have him, that nobody else will put up with you, and you believe this ****, he has got you. Trust me, this guy is a loser and you really are missing out by staying with him. He should put you on a pedestal, holding you up and this is the opposite what he is doing. He is the one with the problem, but the longer you stay, the more he will convince you that he only does this because YOU caused it. You desserve soo much more. By staying and doing nothing, you are allowing it, which causes it to happen again and again. And eventually when the words do not have the effect he is getting now, the hitting will start.
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686059 tn?1293837427
I truly believe it will just be a matter of time, before he will become physically abuse. Love shouldn't hurt...please leave him, while you can. Judy
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Thank you everyone, so so much. All of your words are so powerful. Each and everyone of you should know you have helped me a great deal. Really, thank you.
-cole
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303824 tn?1294875001
Everyone that has commented is RIGHT Nicole! I hope you will listen to what they are saying and take their advice. I have been where you are, only add physical abuse to the list. I was controlled, I was scared, I had nowhere to go AND I was pregnant. I got out of it, had my baby by myself. That was 8 years ago, and it was the BEST decision I ever made! I met my husband about a year a half after I left my ex. He is so wonderful to me and our children. He shows me what love is supposed to be...fun, loving, being silly, holding me, my best friend, etc... I would have never found my Mr. Right had I not left the jerk I was with. Just something to think about...
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