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my fiancée never EVER wants to have sex
Im engaged to my GF. we r both 25. before we moved in together we had sex 3 to 4 times a night all week long. she always told me she loved sex. HOWever once we moved in together she instantly rarely wanted to have sex. I would asked her why this was and she said she just never feels like it. I realize that over time the sex slows down but wtf we have only been together for 1 yr

We are very in love we cuddle all the time write love notes, etc. I am a very affectionate and nice. I always offer to massage her back, I help out cleaning the apartment and doin dishes etc.

she just never wants it anymore and it is really starting to bum me out. any time i bring it up she tells me thats all i think about. When we do have sex ,about once a month, it is not romantic or fun, no foreplay, she lays there, puts on an act, and just wants me to finish fast.  and the only reason she lets me have sex is so i wont bring it up in awhile.

it is starting to make me feel unattractive and depressed.


I try to talk to her about it, she says she doesnt no why but she is just never in the mood. then it always leads to an argument becuz she never wants to talk about it.


WHAT DO I DOOO.
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Avatar universal
Is she on any type of medication? birth control?
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she is on no medication or birth control
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hm.  Well, I'm sorry as I'm sure this is disappointing to you.  Man------- 3 to 4 times a day to once a month is a BIG change.  Has anything happened?  Is she under stress?  Some people can have depression and this can lead to a really low libido.  But this is so strange that it went from point A to Z so fast.  

I'm going to be honest with you.  Think long and hard if you can live like this or if you would want to.  While there may be something going on to cause this low sex drive that can be rectified ---------- that she doesn't see it as a problem to lose the intimacy with you she once had is a super big red flag.  It really should bother her too.  That leads me to believe that it isn't getting better any time soon and could become a life long pattern with the two of you.  Could you or would you want to live like that with your spouse?  

Don't answer here but do some serious introspective thinking.  What happens in dating is we meet someone and at different points we evaluate them and the relationship to see if it should go further.  This may not be the wife you always dreamed of.  Better to get out now than after the wedding.  I'm sorry to say that as I'm sure you want this to work out.  But this is a pretty big compatibility issue and her attitude is worrisome.  good luck
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13167 tn?1327197724
I agree with sweetpea and Specialmom's thoughts.

In the meanwhile,  I have another thought also.  I've had times (usually due to birth control pills,  but also after having babies) where I had zero libido.   It's really hard on a relationship.  In the interim while you're trying to figure out what's happened here,  I'd recommend sticking to quickies.  I know this isn't what you want,  but in the interim,  you'll get a lot more sex since she really doesn't want it,  if she knows it's going to be quick and you're not going to try to make her pretend she's enjoying it.

For her at this point,  it's a bit like mowing the lawn.  I'm  really very willing to do it,  because the lawn needs to be mowed,  but please don't make it last any longer than necessary or make me act like it's a pleasure,    and don't talk to me  later about why I don't enjoy mowing the lawn.  It makes a task she's probably minimally willing to do kind of unbearable.

The thing is,  she loves you.  Who knows why women's libido switches on and off,  it might be thyroid for her or something else,  but from my perspective,  I'm telling you it's awful when it happens.  She probably spends a lot of her day trying not to turn you on.  If you would just make it easier on her by being quick,  this might blow over.

If not,  then I agree with specialmom.     It sounds like you're facing  a future with a woman who doesn't enjoy sex.  Although with me,  and other women,  sometimes it quickly does come back.

Best wishes.
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13167 tn?1327197724
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i think  RockRose has the best answer I did not mean to select special mom
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1169104 tn?1303353238
i agree with rock rose. not soo much fun for your fiancee either. It probably bothers her too and rock rose explained it best. As a women, i know that when you put too much pressure on the sex thing it makes the women less likely to have sex because of the libido problem along with the stress making it way worse.

Try giving massages and doing things like this without trying to get sex out of it. The problem if you put too much pressure, anything that would potentially lead to sex, she will avoid. So remove the expectations and overtime, it will come back. Men have problems with patience, so my best advice is to be patient, romantic, caring and thoughtful without sexual gain. The rest will come naturally.
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Avatar universal
sabby good advice as well, i have done all those things and they never worked either, i would never bring up sex for over a month and always massage her and what not.  the problem is actually over. we talked about it one night and she admitted that she was feeling unattractive becuz she has put on some weight and did not ever feel sexy or comfortable naked.

our sex life is back on track and romantic, fun, and everything.
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1169104 tn?1303353238
Im glad you worked it out. Best of luck and I wish you many more romantic and fun sexcapades ;)
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