my relationship

[rdorc3]

Hi everyone!! My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we have a daughter together and a baby boy on the way. In the pass 4 years we have been through a lot in the cheating department that is in our relationship. He's a cheater. I know that he have sent girls inappropriate messages which include phone sex and naked pictures if himself. He told me that he has never physically had sex with another girl but I dont believe him because we've been through this so many times. We were broken up for a while until I got pregnant with our second child so I decided to give it another chance. Once again we're back where we started he's cheating again. He still says he hasn't physically had sex with another girl just the messaging. Part of me don't want to be together but the other part does because I want my kids to have both there parents together and living in the same roof.. I just want some advice on what to do.

[Nighthawk61]

Maybe check out talking to a therapist about why you chose him, and why you stayed as long as you did, so you have not a chance of repeating it with the same type of guy. Sounds like you've been there and done that, now its' time to find the right man with the right morals. IT"S NOT YOU. Please remember that always. You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
Best of luck, please know you can private message anyone here, we all care about how you are handling being a single parent, and  your pregnancy for the LONG RUN. Okay. Peace and good wishes for you and the kids. Liz

[Jrenee88]

I always say a broken marriage but a happy family is always bettet then a somewhat intact marriage and a miserable family.

[thirdtimemum]

You need to get rid of him! Sorry to say, but i don't believe he will ever change his ways, he can't even change his ways to be a better father to his two children! I know its hard to be on your own, especially with a young child, and being pregnant, but believe me, you will be better off on your own. It's also not good for your young child to see mum and dad fighting once again over his infidelities. You can still give him visitation rights to the kids, there's no need to get nasty over the kids, but in the long run you will be better off without him.  Like i always say, you never know whats around the corner :)

[rdorc3]

Thank you ladies for the advice. Just updating you that we are no longer together and he is a great father he buys everything we need but I no longer wanna deal with the cheating. I don't have any STDs, but that was never an issue, just to let you know

[Kayannaboo]

I completely agree with the above posters. Never settle for less than you are worth. I find that women tend to expect men to "change" for this reason or another but set no standards. Instead, "incidents" such as cheating and abuse are swept under the carpet. Hence, men believe that they are free to do whatever they wish as they know that they will be taken back. Now that you are pregnant it is imperative that you find the strength to remove yourself from that destructive situation as it will only get worse with a child involved.

God bless you!

[Life360_Dave]

Since your pregnant and hes possibly been with other women make sure you have a complete STD test including Herpes for the babies protection and health. Having relationship issues is one thing and having STD issues is another.

[specialmom]

I also agree with the above posters.  I'm a little confused by your saying you were broken up until you got pregnant (which usually doesn't happen when one is broken up . . .   :>) }.

Because of that statement, I must add that you've kind of chosen this road with him and that is something really important to explore.   You pretty much had all the info you needed during that break up but still ended up pregnant again.  That would make this a bit of a pattern for you too and I would so hate for you to repeat this.  You've attached yourself to a guy that you've believed has been unfaithful for a very long time and you really have to know why you settled for this so that it never happens again.

But I agree with above.  You either stay with him and he cheats or you leave for good because he is one of those chronic cheating kinds of guys.  Now, porn is not cheating but you are talking about actual talking to live women and having little sexual relationships for him---  you don't believe it is just on the phone but he's actually gotten together.  And he won't stop.

So, you have to decide.  best of luck to you as I'm sure it is hard especially with two kiddos in the picture.  peace

[Londres70]

Agree with the above posters.

All the best.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Unfortunately the stage was set when You 'tolerated' the cheating in the first place.  You further 'tolerate' the situation when You say You want Your Children to have "both Their Parents living together and living under the same roof".

There is no reason for Him to stop His behavior because You are still there, still 'tolerating'.  You can stay of course but this 'broken' home at present.  It's already a 'broken' home as They will learn that Mom and Dad are not on the same page.   You and Your BoyFriend are modeling behavior to Your Children.  They will grow up seeing that it is okay to cheat on a relationship OR They will grow up thinking it is okay to be cheated on.  Which of those scenarios would You choose for Your Children to have/tolerate in Their Relationships??

You asked for advice on what to do.  My advice is leave Him before there is a 3rd Baby.  

I speak from experience.  I was married for 15 years to a man who cheated for 15 years - from the very beginning of the marriage till the very end of it.  The longer I stayed the worse it got and included Friends and Relatives (Sisters-in-law).  There are no words in my vocabulary to describe the anguish and despair I felt during the entire 15 years.  By the time I had the strength and courage to leave I had 3 Children.  I repeat, You should leave before there are 3 Children.  To be a single Mother of 2 is easier than being a single Mother of 3.  This I know is true.

GoodLuck

[RockRose]

I just went and read through your profile and saw your question about whether it's normal not to be able to stand your boyfriend when you're pregnant.

In my opinion,  it's totally normal not to be able to stand being around some guy who's cheating on you while you're carrying his second baby.   I don't think I could be in the same room with him much less be loving to him.

[RockRose]

rdorc,  this is your decision.  You can choose to be a single mom and raise these kids by yourself while he has some visitation rights,  or you can choose to stay with him as a couple living together while he cheats.

The option you really want,  that you will both be together and have a faithful loving relationship under one roof isn't on the table.

So it's up to you.  Does he make enough money to make you comfortable and is he a nice loving dad?  If he's not all those things,  I wouldn't even begin to consider staying with him.