not like the person you love

[doingitalone]

I love my husband but I really don't like him, how is it possible to love someone with all your heart when you don't even like who they are? I feel resentful, angry, dissatisfied so I try to leave him, I tell him I don't love him anymore but when I say that, I know that I am lying. I feel my heart swell with love when I think about him, but I also feel my head being angry. I would die for him, I cant imagine life without him, he is my best friend but I am not happy. he is on the fence about marriage counseling, one day for it, the other against. I feel so confused, we love eachother so much but I feel like we don't like eachother.

[Kayannaboo]

I get it every way shape or form. I have this kind of relationship with my mom. I love her world without end, I would do anything for her but I can't stand her. Often times there is so much anger directed at her from me but I love her and I don't wish for another mom. This leaves me wondering, what else is there to the story? Certainly, its hard for me to believe that you just woke up one day not liking the man you married. Did he do something wrong? or is it that you two have been fighting alot? <<< this may be caused by familiarity (getting to "used" to each other). Sometimes when you live with someone, every little pick, turn and gnaw gets on your last nerve. If that's the case, miss each other! You don't even have to leave the house. Do your own thing and leave him to do his.

Anna

[specialmom]

There can be an eb and flow to relationships.  The love you do feel is what carries you through the harder times until they get better again and they do often get better again.  One of the keys is to focus on the positive.  What DO you have in common and like?  Spend some time thinking about these things.  Plan some dates or family time or alone time with him around these common areas.  Have some 'no deep convo' dates in which you put it ALL aside and just stay in the moment of the date and keep everything light.  It is a way to reconnect.  A date doesn't have to be expensive, it can be a simple picnic.  Or if you have kids, put the kids to bed a bit early and do after they are asleep-------  an appetizer and glass of wine by candle light or watch a movie together, etc .

I've also found it to be helpful to look at the relationship and life through the other person's eyes.  That 'gaining perspective' is crucial because it helps us understand where they are coming from.  I did this with my own husband and I saw a man that busted his butt working for his family to come home to a wife at times who was slightly unappreciative (ugh) a bit bossy (double ugh) and often self centered (ugh, ugh and ugh).  That 'gaining perspective' exercise really helped me love him more because when you see life through someone else's eyes, you gain respect for their point of view.  I was just living life and being me until I started to see things as he saw them.  Self reflection made me see some things that I could do to help the relationship and made it better over all.  Does that make sense?  

And when it is one of the days that he says yes to marriage counseling----  be ready to go with the info you need to make an appointment.  Set it up THAT day even if the appt. comes on a day in which he isn't thrilled about it----  you can remind him that he said it was okay the day you made the appointment so you might as well go and see what it is about.

But marriage therapy is sometimes a bit hard, I want to warn you.  It does try to help you look at the problems and what I'm getting from you is that you need to think more about the good parts.  It can absolutely help and I highly highly recommend it-------  but both people have to see it as a way of growing closer.  
Okay, I wish you luck.  I've been in a valley before with my husband and we came out of it with flying colors.  I love him, I like him, I want to be with him always.  So, don't think just because you are going through a bad period that it has to mean the end,  good luck and peace

[Londres70]

How long have you two been married?  

Any major issues before or now in the marriage?  

Even if he doesn't want to go to therapy, I would encourage you to go alone and sort out this resentment and dislike for your husband dear.  Maybe in time if he sees you going then this might encourage him to go too.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm sorry You feel that way too.

It's confusing how You can say You love Him but You don't like Him.  I don't understand how You can have it both ways.  Maybe You need to FOCUS on what You love instead of what You don't like.  The counseling is an excellent idea.  Grab Him and run with that on one of those days that He's "for it"

[LyakGarcia]

maybe you are just used to being with each other,  I'm sorry that you feel that way