omg i cant deal with this i need to vent

Question

Ughh i feel like im going to loose my mind. Ok so my husbands a fulltime farmer works seven days a week 13 sometimes 14hrs a day. Well that's nt why i feel like this. He has a seven year old son who lives with us. His mother is hardley in the picture and when she is she makes it worse. Well this past week he was sick has to take three medicines three times a day. Well he doesn't listen to me he yells at me nd when i tell him to do anything he starts crying hysterically idk what to do with him anymore by the time his dad gets home hes asleep. Im six months along and he dont make it easy at all i feel like im going to just end up leaving my babies father bc i cant handle this anymore what do i do?????

Jinx_777 · Answer

he could have taken you to court and you not even know it.  depends on where you live.  all he would have had to do was put a small line in the newspaper giving you notice of a court date.  you would have had 30 days to appeal.  If he just took off with him, you would think that the law would be on your side.  I personally do not trust our juvenile justice system.  I think this is bothering you especially if your step son is close in age to your child.

what a crappy thing for him to say to you.  I am not a spanker and do not think that does anything positive for a child.   the kid probably hates you more now thinking it was your fault for him getting in trouble.   did the child hear him say that to you???  If so, he just made it a million times harder on you.  he will have learned to manipulate his dad into hating you.  

my advice is to have patience with the child.  it will get worse when the baby gets here.  unfortunately that is how it works.  I hope it gets better for you because in the end, you need to worry about you and the baby.

jleeflcntrygrl · Answer

Your husband sounds like a jackass he's lucky u r helpin raise a 7yrold

Nighthawk61 · Answer

I'm so sorry that this boy is acting out so much for you. My family became blended when the kids were 11 and it wasn't fun for anyone. It may sound funny but , do you like to listen to music at all in the house? and do you have any hobbies like crafts or painting that would interest the little guy? Does your step son ever see his mother? It seems that you can lure him into thinking you're okay, if you show him how to have fun. Dancing to music, singing, painting, drawing. He needs to be read to. Do you read to him? I'm sure you could catch his attention if you started a good book with him. Let him read it. and you listen maybe? You'll be involved in a great adventure and before you know it, he'll love you, just as he should.

You're a good mom,and I'm so sorry to hear that you haven't been in touch with your little one. I'll pray that you can somehow resolve that , because he needs his mom, and soon he'll have a sibling. Don't stop looking, It means so much to kids that estranged parents never give up trying to see them. God bless you. Keep posting and let us know if things are getting better?

RockRose · Answer

contrera - it sounds like when he left,  you DID have legal custody.  As his mother,  you'd have legal right to custody (as the father also does) unless that right is taken away from you in court.  If you hadn't been taken to court and had your custody rights taken away, you retain custody rights to him. 

Have you just tried to find him online through things like whitepages.com or signing up for a background check (it's really cheap).

contrerasgrl0731 · Answer

Yes i have tried everything i could do to get custody or even split custody and all they have told me was they have to try and find him tban we would have to go to court . No i didnt have legal custody neither did he and since he's his biological father i cant realldo much

contrerasgrl0731 · Answer

Yes i have tried everything i could do to get custody or even split custody and all they have told me was they have to try and find him tban we would have to go to court . No i didnt have legal custody neither did he and since he's his biological father i cant realldo much

chica1314 · Answer

Personally I dnt think spenkin him or anything is goin to help I would spendin time wit him n truin things that he like show him that ur not goin to up leave n be in n out of his life like his mother show him that u r there for him n that u love him......make takin meds a game out of it n wen he is bad try puttin him in that corner for 7 minutes or in his room with no tv or toys or anything I dnt think hitting would make it better......my husband is my son step father n thats wat work for us we had the situation

RockRose · Answer

contrera - how much of this difficulty you're experiencing is pain that you don't have the chance to mother your own child and are upset that you're having to mother one that isn't yours?

I'm not casting stones.  It just seems likely that most of what's making you unhappy about this boy is he's receiving the attention your own child deserves from you.

I agree with myaugbaby that you need to do something to find your child. Have you sought legal custody of your 4 year old?   Did you have legal custody before your ex took the child away?

myaugbaby22 · Answer

He definitely shouldn't have said that. A seven year old is at the age of understanding yea he may act out because maybe he feels some kind of way about the way his mother isn't there but thats a sit down talk for you your husband in the kid. Just spanking him and blaming you isn't helping him learn for next time its just making more angry with you for getting him in trouble your husband needs to do better. I bet you are and will be a great mother. And im sorry about tour first child is there anyway u can try to get joint custody the courts could find him.

contrerasgrl0731 · Answer

I couldnt belive he told me that. I told him hw could u say that i try my hardest to be their for ur son as best as i can i do EVERYTHING for him things his own mom wouldnt do nd still dnt do. Im just fed up with how his son is he doesnt realize im the closest thing to a mom he has. To top it off it hurts me soo much, i have a 4yr old with my ex. He took him away 3yrs ago i have no contact with i dnt even know where he lives how he is doing or anything i cant be their for my son bc his father dnt let me and here i am giving my everything to a child who doesnt appreciate it i hate feeling like this

jess-ann5 · Answer

What the hell... He shouldn't be placing blame on you. Im sure you're doing the best you can. Its hard for step parents. Step children naturally rebel agaisnt you! On top of that being pregnant, of course you're gonna have some trouble. You are going to be able to raise your child from the get go without influences of absentee and/or crappy parents. You will be able to control the way your child is raised. You don't or didn't have that control with your step-son. He can't compare your step-child with your own, its like comparing two different science experiments that have different variables!!

contrerasgrl0731 · Answer

Ok so my hubby came for lunch and we talked about it told him how i felt. He spanked him had a talk with and now its pretty much my fault bc i cant handel him :( his words were if u cant deal with a seven yr old how ate u gna deal with the baby. Is it my fault?? I feel like im gna b a bad mom i hate how im feeling right now

jess-ann5 · Answer

I am a step mother as well. I feel your pain. There are two things you need to do:

1) Talk to your husband and have him talk to his son. Wake his butt up and have a talk with him. You need to tell your husband that his son's behavior is stressing you out to the point where its hurting your relationship, and not to mention the stress the hurts the baby! You husband needs to make sure that his son knows that he backs you up 110% in the discipline that you provide. No exceptions! 

2) You need to establish a stricter discipline pattern. This will take time and LOTS of effort. You also need to think of ways of disciplining him that will make him take you seriousily. It sounds like he is using your emotions to make you give up. I don't know how you feel about spanking but a nice wooden paddel could make a complient son. Lol Or you can try telling him, You will not play your playstation, toys, see the daylight or have your favorite snack until you take your medicine without the attitude and drama. Stay consistent and take away the things he likes! Again, make sure your husband is backing you up 100%.

I hope things get better! Keep us posted!

lala_mommy · Answer

Talk to your husband, it'll probably help if he sees daddy and you are on the same side- plus he needs to talk to him to help him understand his behavior with you is not ok. Hope it goes well with you momma, ;)