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opinion continued..

So continuing what I asked about the stay at home mom so I'm exhausted!!!! My mom nd me were talking about this morning how I was exhausted this morning she asked if he would be getting up nd I said no cuz he had work she asked me what time I told her at 1 pm she told me she thinks he should helping more which I agreed I try bringing it.up everything morning can u get him he gets all mad if I leave.him in the room for a second.cuz I have to use the rr nd he would cry
I let him sleep in every day becuz he has work even on his days off nd he thinks since I stay at home I need to do in 24/7 it ***** I'm.tired I would like to sleep in once ! Thats y I kinda want to go back to work so he has.to watch him at night to ..
Idk what to do!
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there.  Well, there is a balance thing that does happen when one works in the home and one works outside the home.  

I got up with my sons during the night and woke up with them in the  morning if it was a morning my husband got to sleep in.  It was in my best interest to keep him well rested.  I could drag around the house tired but I had the luxury of not having to impress anyone or answer to a boss.  My kids didn't care if I had bags under my eyes, yawned all morning, and work my pj's until 10.  when you work, as you know, it's not like that.  

So, I do think he should be able to sleep when it is a day he can, get rest, etc.  

BUT, you need to get him used to watching the baby.  Some men are intimidated by it.  What you do is say "here is baby.  I'll be back in a few,"  And walk out the front door.   Of course, do this when he is at home and you know his schedule.  The go out for an hour.  If he is mad, he'll get over it and you just say "well, I need a break OR I needed to get X done.  I let you sleep in so thought you'd have no problem playing with your son for an hour."  

I don't get to sleep in either sweetie.  Haven't but a couple of times since having kids.  It's my trade off.  I'm usually up before everyone and to bed after everyone.  If my kids wake up before they normally do, I get up with them.  I tend to do the bulk of the housework as well.  I make dinner.  But then my husband will play with the kids while I do dishes.  (I use to take a long time doing the dishes as it was a little 'break' and fun to watch them play.)  As my boys got older, my husband could relate to them more.  NOW, they are 8 and 9 and my husband will take them for long bike rides, or go swimming with them, or go play tennis, takes them to cub scouts, they go hiking, they go to the hardware store, etc.  But when they were tiny, he didn't really relate as much.  He got used to it when I forced the issue.

But I am still really respectful of the fact that he works his tail off for us to live.  He gets special benefits because of that.  And I get the blessing of being home with my kids which I love.  good luck
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I really feel like women who stay home with the kids are expected to be on the job 24/7.  It is not easy to raise children from birth and never get a day off.  Sometimes going to work seems easier, you get breaks and an hour lunch.  My twins are 4 years old and I'm about to lose my mind!  
I empathize with the poster, she should get a day to sleep in.  How about he sleeps in on one of his days off and she sleeps in on the other.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank u on the whole sleep in I just feel like we both had him I should at least get one day to sleep in! Nd special mom I've tried to leave the house and ask him to watch him while I go get a coffee he's like I'll just go with u which is great but I want to get out and when he gets home nd I try to do an errand he will ask if I'm taking him with me meaning wants me to then earlier he refused to change a poppy diaper
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank u on the whole sleep in I just feel like we both had him I should at least get one day to sleep in! Nd special mom I've tried to leave the house and ask him to watch him while I go get a coffee he's like I'll just go with u which is great but I want to get out and when he gets home nd I try to do an errand he will ask if I'm taking him with me meaning wants me to then earlier he refused to change a poppy diaper
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, he needs to do some of these things.  You need to plan something on a morning he has off and plan it just for you.  He gets to be in charge of the baby.  let him know ahead of time and if he is not happy, well, he'll get over it.  

When I had my first son, I was getting a bit stressed.  I was on the phone with my sister who told me to take the baby to my husband and say "I have a break.  You are in charge of the baby.  Do not disturb me for a little bit."  

I did it.  

I went to our room and shut the door.  and this actually became our routine for a little bit.  He was in charge of the baby for like 2 or so hours every evening.  And on Saturdays, it was about 3 or 4 hours.  I'd take a nap, I'd go to the grocery store, etc.  But I'm not sure he would have done it until I said he had to.  Mostly because he was uncomfortable with it.  Once he started doing it---  no big deal.

Same thing when our sons (we have boys 15 months apart) got a bit older.  He never took them out of the house without me.  I longed to be home without kids once in a while to do exciting things like clean!  (ha)  So finally I said---  TAKE THE KIDS TO THE PARK.  I do it every single day---  you can handle this.  Then he tried it, it was fine and he began taking them every Saturday to the park and I would clean.  It was a great routine when they were 3 and 2.  

My point being, sometimes you have to demand a bit and get them doing it without resenting that you had to kind of force them into it in the beginning.  (lots of people think their partner should WANT to but who cares how it starts if they become better helpers/parents.)  good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank u! I know I need to get firm on it I just don't want to.start a fight u know?
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973741_tn?1342346373
If you do it from the standpoint that you respect he works supports the two of you but this is his child as well so he needs to bond and spend some time with baby, then it might go better than you think.  I'm sure he WANTS to be close to his baby, right?  
In the long run, remember,  while you may be getting a break for yourself----  you are actually helping him be a better dad.  good luck
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