My boyfriend of almost 4 years has been dealing almost all this time with depression and insomnia resulting from a traumatic experience in his life, that still has some lingering real aspects with memories and his lawsuits against some people that were involved with this experience. Antidepressants have not helped him, and he is finding some solace from naturopathic treatments. He has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and I have suggested that he re see a psychologist that we know, however, his finances (and mine at the moment) are extremely thin, so he has put this off saying not yet. Meanwhile, he just recently lost a job and so his self esteem is rock bottom, and he had to move back in with his parents as he can't afford rent. I had to do the same temporarily, but am focusing on getting my own apartment again asap. Needless to say, there is no sex, and even though he has the desire, his depression and our living situation is dampening the opportunity and his ability, when we get together on weekends. We do hug and kiss however. However, a family member told me that he is going almost consistently on the computer to chat with women since he lost the job. When I brought it up, he said he is not meeting anyone, or sleeping around, it is just something to do to escape the boredom and depression. I don't like it, and he knows it but he seems too depressed and too tired to be motivated by any healthier suggestions at the moment. Any ideas how to get him refocused on real life and the good things he has?
Sounds to me like you have done an awful lot to help him refocus already and nothing you suggest is the right thing. Even if he is only chatting he has chosen to fill his emotional needs with people he doesn't even know over letting you do fulfill him in this way, cheating sexually is not the only form of unfaithfullness. I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you need to spend time building your own future and come into yourself instead of putting all of your energy into someone who doesn't want your opinion and doesn't make any effort to make things better.You need to move on and come into your own, this person sounds as if he likes having you around to feel sorry for him, what a waste of your time,let someone else waste their time doing this for him. You could do so many things,create and have many opportunities with the time you spend worrying and babying someone who enjoys being miserable.Best wishes, sometimes the hardest decisions are the most worthwhile to make!
I agree with the previous posters. Push come to shove the only person empowered to make changes in your boyfriend's life IS HIM. No matter how much you care he has to want to improve himself. It doesn't work any other way.
You may need to make some decisions, especially if this relationship is draining so much of your energy. He may seem helpless, but the post traumatic stress syndrome can serve as an excuse (e.g. "I can't fix anything because I have this..."). People do that - sunbconsciously or not - particularly if they are being well taken care of by everyone around them. As long as they stay helpless, they don't HAVE to do or take responsibility for anything. I know you want to help him by taking care of him, but ask yourself how much is it helping him in the long run?
Post traumatic stress disorder is a serious illness! He should get as much help and support from your side as he needs, despite him seeming to be distant and not taking any advice serious...that's just what the disorder does. It just leaves you bland, empty...unable to care for anything neither your gf nor yourself.
The problem with mental illnesses is that most of the time the partners and family suffer more and feel more tired by their efforts than the patient himself. He just lives in his own bubble.
He needs to see a psychologist!!
1) a combination of medication and therapy is the most effective option
medication only levels his brain, therapy will eventually get him back to taking his life in his own hands.
2) you can be included in single therapy sessions to help you understand what he's going through and how you can support him (it's less draining for you when you know exactly what you're dealing with and how to help him effectively)
3) the longer he waits, the more difficult therapy will be
My partner and I are going through the same thing and I find people who haven't been there can't really understand.
That you hug and kiss and he even says he still wants you is a sign he loves you. It might be a pitiful sign of love compared to "normal" relationships with "normal" guys but it means so much and that's exactly where you should take all your energy from to go through this with him together...with the help from a professional.
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