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pregnant and hating my husband
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pregnant and hating my husband

My husband and I have always had disagreements and problems.But since I've been pregnant they havent declined.If not only got worse.To be honest I have alot of hate towards him for alot of reasons.One just how he is.To list a few,he sometimes picks his nose and whips it on his pants,doesnt bath as much as he should(meaning at least once a day)without me asking him to,hardly ever washes his hands.Doesnt make enough money to pay all our bills so we fight about that alot.I am on bedrest and have had no emotional support from him.If anything he contines to want to fight with me about everything.He also has a memory problem as in we can be talking then get interupted and he forgets then what we we're talking about when we continue.Asking him do something around the house has been a chore.Yet all he talked about is wanting a baby for yrs.We lost one now that I'm pregnant again and having problems throughout the whole pregnancy he still hasn't changed.All he does is say I btch at him.But I feel I wont ***** at him if he doesnt give me a reason to.I just feel like giving up sometimes but cant because im pregnant now and can not make it on my own now.I already have two children to raise.I refuse to raise another one on my own(divorced) but also do not feel I should have to raise a grown man!Can anyone relate with me?
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17 Comments Post a Comment
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13167_tn?1327197724
Why did you purposely try so hard to  get pregnant by a man you despise?  Why would you do that?  

There is no solution to your problem.  You did this on purpose.
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Avatar_f_tn

Well... you made a mistake by getting pregnant in this relationship. But we must get past that and focus on what you are going to do right now. First thing I can think of is get counseling right away. You may want to go by yourself at first and then your husband can join you in the future. You need to figure out where all of your angry is coming from and address these issues with your husband (write a list).

There is going to be an innocent child involved in your lives soon. Please give this child a chance and make sure that you are either working on fixing this relationship when the child is born --- or get divorced. Whatever you do, please do not stay in an unhealthy relationship and especially when there is an innocent child involved.

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164559_tn?1233711618
I agree with Rock Rose, it was very ill advised to get pregnant when you are in a troubled relationship.  A baby only makes things harder.

However, the cat is out of the bag so to speak, so we must deal with the situation as it is....

You need to get in counselling immediately.  Both marriage and financial, since you are having a hard time meeting your bills.

I do not know if this marriage can be saved.  I hope so for all your sakes.
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142722_tn?1281537216
I didn't metion anything about mistake - I just agree with the post when she said baby was from God - seems like you agree also :-)  I just said relationships change.  If she was unhappy when she got preggo then maybe she should have thought twice in ttc.  Maybe I didn't read her post correctly.  Take care.
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142722_tn?1281537216
I am with the post above.  I am not going to say you were wrong in getting preg. relationships change - I know bacause I am 6 months preggers and my bf wanted the baby and now doesn't - I am leaving him.  I am going to my parents even though it is tight in space.  Just remember that when your preggo your emotions can change, plus your on bedrest.  Go talk to someone and decide what you want to do.  If you can't work it out, there is always away to do it on your own.  I did it once and I am going to do it again - even if that means I need help from my parents.
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164559_tn?1233711618
I believe we said deliberately getting pregnant when you are on umhappy is a mistake.  We in no way said her child is a mistake.  God sent her that child.  

And I would tell any women to avoid getting pregnant while in a trouble relationship.  Not to do so would be irresponsible as a child is an added stress on a stressful situation.

I do realize that a lot of babies are born under less than ideal circumstances.  And I have compassion for any woman who is on her own.

We also went on to give her support.

This is a pubic forum and we answered honestly and from our life experience.  

If that offends you I am sorry.  I stand by my original post.
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Avatar_n_tn
Unlike everyone else I am not gonna say that you getting pregnant was a mistake b/c i firmly believe that children are a blessing and no child is a mistake (shame on all that say it was a mistake), but i can truly relate to you when you say that everything he does makes you sick to your stomach but do you think that it is possibly the hormones from the pregnancy that makes you despise him so much right now? If not then i say dont stay where you are not happy b/c in the end you will hate yourself for it and him and not to mention that children pick up on the tension between people and they are the innocent ones in the situation so dont put them through it. thats what i had to look at with my son and my relationship with his father. and if he is a real man he is gonna take care of his child/children regardless of you guys situation.
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Avatar_n_tn
TY for your comment.Your the only one who clearly understands and can relate and for that matter made any sense.I do not appericate ANYONE saying my baby was a mistake or whatever rude comments you had to say.Perhaps if thats how you feel then maybe your outlook on family needs to be corrected.My pregnancy hormone issues has nothing to do with my child being a mistake or me needing to get a divorce.Im sorry I dont believe in quitting everything when something comes up that needs to be worked on.Since I posted that first comment,and also talked to a few friends it is clear my horomes are what is the cause of my emotional status being as so.I also went to visit my OB about this and he gave me some friendly advise,and cleared up that my pregnancy is why I feel so out of whack lately.But anyway unless you truly know a person or have walked in their shoes do not pass judgment on them for words you read.And everyone needs some advise or to vent every now and then for whatever reason.I feel sorry for the ppl who think divorce and calling some one elses unborn baby a mistake is the answer.
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Avatar_n_tn
No dont get me wrong I love my husband.We've been together for years.Married not long.But my problem is I didnt start feeling this way until I became pregnant.(hints pregnant and hating)That is why I was asking for advise of some sort.He has improved but I suppose I just needed to vent and prehaps gain some advise is all.No one can sit there and tell me there isnt something that you disagree with or dispise of your spouse.Little things are whats annoying me lately.I've also been very emotional which I know is to be expected being pregnant.But everything is annoying me.I stay sick to my stomach and havent been sleeping good and I think thats playing with my emotions more then anything.Far as everything else goes,its good.I already have almost half of what I need for our baby and that's made me happy.But this is a relationship forum and I dont think I'm the only one here with a problem so give me a break on the rude comments why don't you.I didnt ask for that.I dont give them and dont appericate them either.
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Avatar_n_tn
I am currently going through the same thing with my husband. I hate him since I have gotten pregnant and yes, he does pick his nose. It took me getting away to my family for two weeks for me to  miss him. When you live and depend on someone it is hard to  be nice to them. My husband  read this strand and apologized for the things he does sometimes. He knows he has to change them, he just doesn't always know what  the problems are. I yelled at him also all the time, but when you yell they block you out.  So tell me do any of you think I should have worked on my marriage or quit. It is perfectly healthy to hate your spouse when your pregnant. I'm glad that your relationships were perfect while you were pregnant, but not all of us are that lucky. I'm bi-polar and had to cut ,my meds  cold turkey. My husband had it bad. I am much better now but I know if I had people like certain ones on this thread telling me I did these things on purpose, trust me my husband would not have been the only one getting yelled at. I DID NOT CHOOSE TO FEEL THIS WAY, AND NIETHER DID TCC. May God bless,
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Avatar_n_tn
I am 8 months pregnant and I want you to know that I am a psychology major.  You actually love this man very much but because your body is going through so many hormonal changes right now the way you feel about yourself is probably hate.  All you need is to love yourself and you can help improve the flaws your husband has.  Remember that you are worth it, and so is your husband and most importantly the beautiful life that you both created together signifies the true deep love that you both share for one another.  Trust me I have my days where I can't stand my man either and it's because I am pregnant and swollen and look in the mirror and my self esteem is down so it affects the rest of my relationship.  Try this every morning when you wake up look in the mirror and tell yourself 10 times I love you and I am beautiful.  It works trust me, those positive thoughts will equal positive results.  All men honey pick their nose, fart, belch, forget to take showers or brush their teeth, mine even bits his fingernails in bed and spits them back out, ughhhh.  But you know what I get on him and communicate how much it bothers me and try to push him out of bed.  I find solutions to the pollution, like buy him soap or toothpaste or a new toothbrush.  And financially we struggle everyday, and argue over it too but it doesn't help so when it comes to the money I just pray and say God I know you will make a way, and somehow the bills get paid, not on time and often late but eventually paid.  Now since you have a lot of time in bed relaxing and to pick your brain write down some goals not only for yourself but for your family.  When you write them down and visualize them they become achievable.  Just motivate your man to clean up, and let him know you are not taking any prisoners, shape up or ship out!  I can almost guarantee if you follow these guidelines improvements will occur, good luck and go get 'em!
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Avatar_f_tn
Don't listen to these people, I am in the exact same situation with my husband, and I totally get it. Alot of the things he does he did not do before I was pregnant!!! It can make you feel a little trapped or got. Also your hormone levels changing causes you to get very irritable very easily which a man could never understand or try to accomidate. I hope things get better for you and your husband and that most of this will go away after the baby comes. Good Luck and Congradulations.
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646779_tn?1281999641
This post is 2 years old.
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Avatar_f_tn
Right on sister. Yes every marriage is its own journey, and I think its cute that little things like that bother you about him during this stage. I know you love him and that says a lot.
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1962649_tn?1332448451
wonder what happened to this lovely immature couple. man picks his nose and wipes it on his pants? holy cow-! she was pregnant but "hated" her hubby. oh wait no she loves him. some of the posters on here are truly crazy!
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Avatar_m_tn
MY girlfriend or ex is five months gone she hasnt spoke to me since week ten two weeks after cold turkey her bipolar meds and having to start her thyroid meds now mines is diffrent i have tried to keep contact with her and be there for her with the babyshe hasnt let me iv got just over three months before my daughter comes into the world and it cuts me up why she has done this .. did you go back to normal straight away after baby came and prob like ur hubby iv had it real nasty from her and i mean nasty and before anyone says this wasnt an evil girl before she had turned on a towpence asked to marry me on a sat and a monday ended everything by weds cut all contact .
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Avatar_f_tn
I am totally with you on this!!! And I didn't read anything that said your relationship wasn't working out. Now that I'm pregnant, I can't stand being around him, kissing him, him touching me, his breath and I have to have him shower after he gets hime from work!! And on top of that I feel no love for him. And all of it makes me sick!! But they say it is normal happens to a lot of preg women. But he should be understanding, and it'll pass soon after. I feel horrible that he has to go through that but I can't help it.  God bless!!
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