Relationships Community
problems
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to relationships, abstinence, arousal problems, birth control, cohabitation, commitment, communication, couples counseling, desire, sexual technique, and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

problems

i am stressed out. i just had my son 6 wks ago. when he was 2wks old my grandmother passed away. i left to her fenural and my bf did not come because of work. i felt alone and upset because i wanted him to be with me. while i was gone he ran into some women and got one phone number. this other girl is bi sexual and she calls our house from him. i got upset because of everything that happened i told him that i didnt want him to be friends or anything with her. he got mad, said that shes got a girlfriend and that i have nothing to worry about.
how would you feel after having a baby feeling fat and ugly, all of a sudden an 18 yr old that is skinny and is bi all of a sudden comes into the picture. honestly.
my son is colic he crys every night for like 3 hours and bf said that i am spoiling him thats why hes crying. he doesnt seem to understand our son. it cause so much fights its not funny, last night he said f*** stop crying and yelled at him.. i could not believe that. he is 6wks old he doesnt understand and daddy is yelling at him.
i dont sleep with him anymore its been that way for a few weeks now. i keep seeing him leaving me for that 18yr old. i question him alot more now, like wheres he going and whos he calling. i feel that there is no more trust. even though he did not do anything to me. only that whole other women calling and stuff. i feel alone.
i want to make this relationship better, i dont what to lose him. but i cant help how i feel. its tearing up this relationship. i need advice something anything.
ksanden
Tags: Relationships, Baby, friends
Related Discussions
7 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
172411_tn?1287089865
he is 21 and he doesnt got to partys he golfs lol and sits on his computer, talks on the phone.
he hasnt been to supportive since our son has been born i am b/f him and he gets mad at times because he cant feed him unless i pump.
ksanden
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
sorry you're going through this.  a new baby is stressful enough without having to deal with what your b/f is putting you through.  if he gets upset over your concerns for the relationship, gets frustrated easily with your son and you see him leaving you....see something wrong with the picture?  It's not worth the frustration.  It's a two way street and both people in the relationship should be willing to give it a shot.  From what you're telling me, he's still in the "party" mode...btw, how old is he?
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
In all honesty, I would leave him.  To yell at a baby like that is unacceptable, and I don't think you can "spoil" a baby when they are crying.  Every parent finds their niche with babies- one of my friends finally found her son would sleep only when on his tummy, my dad discovered I just was always cold and liked to listen to music, etc.  I don't know how old either of you are, but for him to get another girl's phone number doesn't sound like a "lets be friends" type of thing.  They just met and she told him she was bi?  I don't know that that would come up in initial "be friends" conversations.  Anyway, he sounds like he is selfish and you deserve better  :)  Lose him... he's not worth your time or emotions in my opinion.
Blank
173939_tn?1333221450
If you have any other family to stay with for a while, do so and just focus on baby and yourself. You can not really wait for your boyfriend to grow up and be a mature and tuned-in dad at the moment. The first weeks and years are for bonding and if he yells at his infant, he already blew his chance for bonding. I do believe that every child should have a dad in the picture but right at this moment you are just going to go nuts and there comes the time when parents need to have the same parenting approach to convey any message to a child. If he thinks you are spoiling a six-week-old, he is out to lunch anyway. Don`t take his current womanizing to heart, though, as hard as that must be. It is likely just an expression of his confusion and immaturity. He will probably grow into his new role somehow but for now I would work on creating a more peaceful environment for your son which seems hard if you live under the same roof. Just think, a newborn`s brain and emotions develop so rapidly in the first couple of weeks. Make this time as pleasant as you can and do not compare yourself with any skinny 18-year-olds for the next 12 months, okay?
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
I believe that you should definitely do what is best for you and baby. However, I do understand that he may get frustrated, and his way of dealing with it is anger, but that is not healthy. I respect your wanting to be with him, but if they are just friends, how come you can't be introduced to the friend too? As a couple, that should be something you have together. How would he like it if you just up and met some guy, and said Ok babe... I'm going out with "Steve" or something like that? Trust me... He would not approve!!! Well... maybe if the guy was gay. But for the girl to be 18 and a lesbian, basically sounds to me that she is just experimenting, and is most likely bi sexual, or he could be just using that as an excuse to make you "feel better" and so you won't think anything. I still say that you should at least ask him how come you can't meet her. You know... If they're just "friends". Get where I am going. and if he still continues to keep it a private relationship, then... you should definitely leave, because that means there is bound to be something going on. And, if you don't want to leave, and stick by his side. Then maybe you should find you a guy friend, or a "pretend" guy friend, and tell him that you have plans to "hang out" with him, and see what your bf thinks about that. If he tries to throw in the fact that the girl is a lesbian, then tell him you know how society is, and at that age it is just experimenting. Let me know what happens. That is interesting.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Hmm, golf, huh?  Anywho, you're two are still very young.  I guess he's not mature enough to handle a baby or maybe he didn't expect to have a colicky baby.  It's a lot to handle.  DH and I are both in our late 20's and it (DD was diagnosed with reflux at the age of 3 months) put a great strain on our relationship as well.  
Trust is huge in relationships.  Without it, there is nothing.  I would tell him to get it straight before he loses his family.  Sometimes guys need a wake up call.
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
Your priority has to be your baby and your baby's safety. The way in which he yelled at your baby might be a red flag for the potential for him to abuse your child--even if he doesn't mean to and it comes out in anger. A crying baby can really put people over the edge if they are not mature enough to handle it.
The whole thing with the other girl and the way it was presented to you is so that he can have fun guilt-free and without you asking questions. And, honestly, if he wants the skinny 18 year old, then he will go for it even if you were just as skinny. He might justify it with the fact that you just gave birth and don't have your shape back yet, but any man who TRULY loves you would stick by you. If he was mature, he would realize his priority is to his child too.
Questioning him on where he is going and with who will only push him further away or make him be more sneaky with his actions.
The whole thing does not sound healthy right now. I would suggest you take time apart from him--find somewhere you feel safe to stay (i.e. with family, etc.).
You just can't risk that the next time he yells that he might grab the baby or do something he regrets too.
You can't change anyone else's thoughts or behavior, but you can't change yours as well as the way you allow how people treat you.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Relationships Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488_tn?1310696703
Blank
New Cannabis Article from NORTH Mag...
Jul 20 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
3 Reasons Why You are Still Binge E...
Jul 14 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating: What Your Closet ...
Jul 09 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
13167_tn?1327197724
Blank
RockRose
Austin, TX
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
3149845_tn?1386354841
Blank
Life360
fort lauderdale, FL
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
TTinKKerBBell
CA
1268057_tn?1399131913
Blank
Londres70
France
3060903_tn?1398568723
Blank
Nighthawk61
Other