question

[ihavelied]

My partner has had a girlfriend for 3 years and has also dated me for 2 years (we didnt know about each other). When he was found out by her he decided to chose me and the last 6 weeks since I found out have been great and we have spent a lot of time together and things are workign out really well and I have forgiven him and am looking to move on. My issue is that he still speaks with her on the phone (but only when she calls him) and I have seen that they are meeting up for a chat on Sunday although he hasnt mentioned it to me. I have also had a text from an unknown number last week informing me that they were out together at a music concert (I think she sent it to him so I havent mentioned it and think it is a lie to cause trouble). Do you think I should be concerned as he really seems to love me and spends all his spare time with me at the moment? He can have her as a friend right although I wouldnt want to hear him chatting to her when I was with him. Am I being naive - I really cant think that he has any intention of leaving me and we have a great holiday together to look forward in the next few months.
Thanks

[mami1323]

He won't leave you because he doesn't have to.  He can do whatever he likes and knows that you will still be there.  Don't you see?  

[Judy246]

I belive you have posted before with this issue. Let's get out the check list and RED FLAGS!

* When you met him, he had a g/f that you were not aware of right, which
  means from the very beginning his relationship with you both him has been dishonest,
  deceptive, broken trust, had his cake and ate it too. Left the other g/f only because
  he got busted, chose you, but talking with her again (DING DING DING RED FLAG!)

* He chose you!...what a lucky guy that he can pick and chose as he pleases
  and you said, ok...I forgive you.

* Currently he is communicating with her (doesn't matter who calls who), meeting
  with ex for chats, together at concern (DING DING DING RED FLAG HERE!)

* Should you be concern? You are kidding me right? No really, you are kidding?
  Hell yeah you should be concern, was he not cheating with her to begin with?
  What will it take for you to accept that he is playing both like 2 fools!

* He spend his spare time with you....suprise!...he is spending quality time with her too!

* He can have her as a friend too right!... Hell no and I would have dumped him on the
  spot for just talking to her.

* Are you being naive. ....ya think....yes, very because you are very insecure and
  controlled by this guy. He has a hold of you that you don't want to accept that
  he is playing you both, because you both are letting him.

* He's not going to leave you, but he's not going to leave her either, but until
  you fall on your butt and realize that he is a born cheater we will continue
  to repeat all the above again.  

[teko]

Right! But yer so worried about him talking to the one he dumped? So if yer so happy, and you dont care if he cheats but do care that he talks on the phone with the one he dumpt and yer all ready to forgive him and allow him to keep on keepin on, then what is the problem? I missed it... Sorry, Im older and I have these moments from time to time!

[heatherlynn22]

so as long as he spends a majority of his time with you you don't care if he's out sleeping with other women??what if he ends up creating more children? or bringing home a disease?

he is NOT a great guy! he is a pig! if my husband EVER cheated on me he would have divorce papers on his desk so fast it would make his head spin. if he flirted or was affectionate with other women no. that is a big NO NO NO. if he wants to act single....he can be single. simple as that. you're enabling him to go out and be with other women without fear of punishment. what if the tables were turned. what if it was you who was out cheating. do you think he would be so quick to forgive you? i highly doubt it.

[imanaddict]

If you're okay with him cheating, then so be it. As long as you forgive him for it, he'll continue to do it. If that is the life you choose to lead, then I wish you all the best!

[mami1323]

Perhaps you should seek some counseling.  Please don't take any offense to what I'm saying because I've been cheated on and forgiven that person but I will not forgive again because I know that I'm deserving of better.  I do believe A LOT of men cheat, however, I do believe that there are some good men out there that won't.  To say your man is a good man but yet he cheats is sort of ironic.  Let me just say, if you feel this way, then you shouldn't question any of these text messages or anything like that because basically you are not going to care anyway right?  

[ihavelied]

I am 40 and my children are 8 and 10 - I have never been happier in my life so I guess that it takes all sorts. I am expecting him to cheat again and have decided that if he does it again I will forgive him. I think it is easier that way so I know what do to if it happens and I dont have to spend time agonising over what to do when I find out he has cheated. He is such a great guy but is just very flirtatious by nature and very affectionate. He doesnt know it but in my own mind he has already been forgiven any more cheating.

[mami1323]

Well that is selling yourself short don't you think?  If you have no other expectations of him than why are you so worried?  Don't ask if you don't want to hear the truth or what we perceive as the truth.  I know the saying ignorance is bliss but in all honesty, where is the happiness in your relationship?  You will always wonder no matter how much you try and blind yourself and you will inevitably get hurt.  Plus, with that attitude, you are basically allowing him to mistreat you.  I don't know but it hurts to think of the man I love cuddling, kissing, making love and spending time with another woman.  I want to be his best friend and when he's carrying on that type of relationship with someone else, how true is it when he does it with me.  Trust me, I've been there and I have forgiven but I only expect the best now and if he were to do it again, I would have no problems moving on with my life.  I'm not going to waste my time with someone who doesn't give me all that I deserve.

[teko]

So, he cheated on both of you and when caught chose you, and you feel so special now and have forgiven and are so in love and, and and. How old are you? Drama here we come! Good luck on being chosen by a cheater until the next gal a little pertier than you and willing comes along. Bask in the sunshine!

[ihavelied]

I think the point is that I dont want to believe the message as we have so much to look forward to together. I guess I dont really mind if he cheats as long as I get the lions share of his attention. I dont want to have children with him etc and so long as I spend weekends with him then what he does in the week nights is kind of up to him I guess. That said, I dont want to get hurt and by forgiving him I know I have given him carte blanche to cheat again and there is no reason for me to respond differently. Until such time as he ends if with me I will be there for him and me and my children will just enjoy what time he decides to share with me.

[mami1323]

To answer your question, yes, you should believe the text message.

[mami1323]

I would worry.  He was with the both of you and basically was with her first and then began seeing you.  It sounds like he has no intentions of staying with only you if he's still talking to her.  If he was serious about being with you than he would cut off all contact with her.  I think you need to be weary of his actions.

[ihavelied]

Do you think I should believe the text message?

[wildflower77]

Sounds to me like he's still trying to carry on the affair.  Sorry, hon.

[heatherlynn22]

you already know he's cheated on you and you don't think he won't do it again? you are being EXTREMELY naive.