reasons for cheating

Query001 brought up cheats always prosper, and i answered some seem to and never regeret it and some do, but i also think that the real question is why do people cheat, and i beleive that 8 out of 10 will lie and give different reasons, i have heard most of them I may be wrong but i beleive the real reason is because they want to, some men say their wifes do not understand them, that is a good one, some women say their husbands are mean to them I will say nothing harsh, nor will i judge, i just though that these 2 questions go hand in hand this is an odd topic commitment, but there was not much to choose from I personally have never cheated, but i have heard many reasons why people do cheat, and as i say i am not hear to judge, would just like to know why  thanks  jo

[mami1323]

I think it depends on the person. Everyone has a different reason for why they cheat. I don't think there is just one answer. I don't think any answer is a reasonable one. I just think that there is no reason to do it. I think that it is selfish. I think that if you are so unhappy with the person you are with you should leave them. I think they want their cake and eat it too. They are comfortable with who their with but perhaps get bored. The other woman pays attention more, she makes him feel like he's the man. That's how I feel about cheating.

[Judy246]

There are many reasons why people cheat. Here are some reasons why they cheat:

* No longer in love or loss attraction to their partner.
* Opportunity: It just happened, right time and place and excitement of someone
  new, different.
* Feeling of power & control, risk, getting away with something, yet, have their partner
  there as a back up, if the flings doesn't last or goes wrong.
* Selfishness: Only thinking of what is best for "me" and all about my emotions
  feeling.
* Enjoys the attention, feeling that they are still attractive to the oposite sex.

The point is that cheating is a negative with destructive consequences. It's dishonest, breaks trust, selfish, lust, hurtful, opportunist and I can go on and on, so cheating is a destructive, self  serving behavior with negative consequences. No body wins in the long run and it's an experience that can cause future dysfunctional behavior in future relationships.

[jo929]

your answer makes sense  jo

[Judy246]

Thanks Jo, I hope you are doing well....Judy

[heatherlynn22]

i honestly don't think there is no good reason to cheat. if there are issues in the marriage either get counseling or a divorce. if you don't have the money for a divorce right away...keep the pants zipped up and wait until you can get a divorce. you hear all these pathetic excuses...he's so mean to me, she doesn't get me, oh well i like him better than my husband, i wanted to, he's abusive, she's a b!tch...blah blah blah. it's nothing but a pile of bull sh!t.

cheating happens when pathetic, weak people can't control themselves and give into the temptations and ruin not only their spouses lives but if they have children their lives as well.

[megochick101]

Love your answer and completely agree!! I do not think any excuse is acceptable. I've heard a lot through friends and past experience, here's some of the more messed up ones at least:

"I didn't want to hurt you and break up with you, so I figured it would just be easier if i just moved on"(yeah that was one of my wonderful ex's lucky me huh?)

"He just appreciates me and understands me so much better than my boyfriend does. and he actually shows me that he cares" (pathetic this one, from one of my former friends when she told me she was cheating on another of my friends with HIS BROTHER!!!!)

"I just don't love my gf and i don't see us staying together anyways, but I don't want to end it because then she would go psycho b*tch on me" (one of my hubby's wonderful friends, thank God he doesn't talk to that a$$ anymore!!)

My other ex had another girlfriend the entire time he had been dating me, and i had to get a call out of the blue from this woman b*tching me out for trying to steal her man, when i had no idea he had another girlfriend at all and when i confronted him about it, he just basically said, what's the big deal, we've only dated for 3 months... now there's a good catch right there!


All excuses lead to one answer that is the reason for all cheating(IMO) and that is, selfishness, cowardliness, and inability to deal with and confront problems. And just plain a$$holeness(i think that's the perfect word for it right there)

[dawnangela]

Sorry i cant agree that all cheats are pathetic weak ppl..Till anyone has been in that situation no one should judge, its not right of course and i dont make excuses but we dont know the circumstances, not all cheats are bad ppl really..

[whatiswrongwithhim]

I think that cheats do prosper as they invariably get away with it from one of the two women that they have involved. They can tell them that they are special, had another chioce but chose them so they get away with it and the woman he chooses feels a million dollars too.

[dawnangela]

Yes i agree that's one situation, but i lot dont get away with it..i guess im talking more on married couples tho..

[mami1323]

The cheater never prospers.  My fiance was forgiven for cheating but he pays for it each and every time we have an argument about me not trusting him.  Every time he works late or every time he wants to go out with friends.  He feels the mistrust and has to work even harder to prove to me that he's being honest and trustworthy.  He has to feel the guilt for what he did, he has to feel the remorse for losing out on the time he could've spent with me and his son and chose not to.  So you may think that they win out but they don't.  And as far as being the woman that was chosen, I was left with a broken heart and even though he chose me, it didn't make me feel better, it made me throw my pride out the window when I decided to work things out.  It made me question the man I was with, it made me anxious wondering if he could or would do it again.  It made me think that our entire relationship was a lie.  It made me wonder what was so good about her that he would risk our family.  It left me feeling lost and betrayed.  I will never fully get that trust for him back the way it used to be.  So please don't tell me that the cheater and the other win out, because no one wins in that type of situation.

[Judy246]

I agree with Mami, cheater never prosper, because it's just a matter of time that their conscience will catch to them and a lot of cheater are not bad people, but they do make bad choices for self serving purpose and it is a no win situation. The "ex" will go back and forth to the women, who both still love him and will fight back and forth with words, etc while the guy is going to both women. If he loses one it will troble him on the long run and the new g/f will not trust and be stuck with a man who she knows is high risk for infidelity. This goes both way male or female cheater. Most people in sometime in their life have either been a victim of cheating or have been on both side as myself. Either way, the key to a relationship is communication and trust and once both have been broken you have a dysfunctional person and relationship.  Judy

[whatiswrongwithhim]

that is very magnanimous!

[whatiswrongwithhim]

I think that may be true but if he truly cared he wouldnt have done it right?

[mami1323]

I don't think it's as simple as that.  There are many reasons why people cheat.  I think what he did was selfish and immature but I don't doubt his feelings for me.  It took a long road to rebuild the relationship and I do believe people can learn from it.  But everyone's relationship and experience with infidelity is different.

[kittypower420]

I have had doubted my husband with cheating on many occasions. I have been open to him about how i felt and thought but that only brings more hard feelings for me and him. It came to a point where we almost call it quits. The reason why i thought for example; He used to go to a friends house a lot and now the person whom i thought my husband had the hots for is now a friend of mine. Since i've been going to her house lately, my husband had suddenly stopped going to her house. He goes to express how much he really hates her guts and that she too opinionated. Maybe he just wont admit that yeah maybe, he had found some sort of common interest with her. Oh and by the way, he doesn't want me going over there too much now.

She is in a relationship... which made me feel like an *** because I have completely judged my husband and her in a bad way. Supposedly her man and my hub are friends. I didn't think that him and her would go any further physically, but i had thought that he goes there because he liked her company more than me.

I just wondered if husbands do actually confess their infidelity to their wives? In the past my hub had gone to a strip club but didn't actually tell me a year later. Sometimes i just wondered if he is hiding anything and just wont fess up because he knows how much i would feel about it. I almost feel schizophrenic. Oh god i really want to stop being so insecure.'

Why do i come up with thoughts like these? its not like I want to cheat, its just not my nature.

[mami1323]

I always say go with your gut.  If you feel like your husband has or is cheating then most likely it's the truth.  But in all honesty, I don't feel like most men will confess.  I think they wait until they are caught.  The ones that do confess, I give them a lot of props because it's really hurtful to tell the one you love that you were unfaithful.  I think sometimes ignorance is bliss.  When I found out I was crushed and wished I could go back and not know but the signs were all there so I couldn't avoid thinking that he was doing it.  I'm always here if you would like to talk.

[lovemykids465]

I agree with mami. Ignorance can be bliss. My husband had an emotional affair but ended it before I found out. I actually wish I did not know. I think he would have eventually told me later on and I probably would have handled it better but what is done is done. I too wish I could go back and change time but we can't. Maybe, Kittypower, your husband is not physically involved with this woman but they can have an emotional connection which is just as dangerous. Have you tried talking to him about it?

[whatiswrongwithhim]

I think that it is better to know that to be deceived.
That is the worst

[kittypower420]

Its hard to even think that my husband has cheated before. I would just like to ignore because I have those feeling where it seems that my intuition is strong. When that happens I usually will let my husband know. I get reminded by him that if I think and feel different about him like him being a cheater then he said that it would be better off if i had just left because after all what is the point in a relationship when there is no trust. I agree to that for sure... i just think sometime my feelings get in the way too much i guess.

[whatiswrongwithhim]

so did he cheat on you then?

[mami1323]

She's not sure, she doesn't want to know and honestly, if I could've avoided the incredibly heartache that came with knowing, I would rather not have.  Although, looking back now, it's probably best that I found out because who knows where our relationship would be if he didn't get caught.  He may or may not have ended it, he may have developed even stronger feelings for her and perhaps have left me.  Perhaps I avoided more drama by finding out, but it does take a long time to heal and it can be done.  I think after all we've been through our relationship is 100 times stronger than before.  

[lovemykids465]

I know my husband said he was glad I found out because even thought it was over the guilt was eating him away and he still had to face this woman everyday at work.

[kittypower420]

I can't say that he actually cheated on me because I have no sort of proof. I can only assume when he has been gone for a long period of time but how can I know if I am right with my feeling getting in the way too. But if he ever did, I am happy woman to have known the truth.

[mami1323]

Gut feelings are usually correct.  But until you have the proof, there is not much you can do.