reasons for the silent treatment.

Ok guys i m going to make this short and i ll explain latter but why would a girlfriend give you the silent treatment suddenly,even though you and her worked things out? i am confused

[specialmom]

Oh, the dreaded silent treatment.  I hate it.  It is a very passive aggressive way to handle a partner and very detrimental to a relationship.  I guess it is better than shouting nasty things at your partner but really, is quite manipulative on its own, the silent treatment, is.

Without knowing any details, it is hard to say.  She may have really reached the end of her rope with you.  She may be mulling over the 'wrongs' she feels you've done to her and it is turning her cold.  She may like the feeling of making you uncomfortable and the silent treatment is one way----  which ends in attention for her (some that are attracted to drama go this route).  She may be very busy and just not want to deal with you.  She may not trust that you are really working on the issue and is freezing you out because of that.

But the silent treatment speaks volumes.  Her heart is a bit cold to you right now.  You probably can guess the reason better than the rest of us not knowing the problems that are going on with you two.  goodluck

[michael852]

Ok here is the story.SHe and I ve been dating for 3 and ahalf years(i knows that a long time even for me) It was long distance. But we do get a chance to meet up. To make it shorter i m going to use bullet points on this and this was brought up in our last conversation.
1 she was upset that liek 2 yrs ago i said i nvr wanted to get married(i said that bc i didnt want to scare her away,even tho i do want to get married and ii fianly told her this)
2 i was a party and got messed up really bad and woke up with my friends sister( i feel like **** for that and i had the guts to tell her about it0she said she forgive me).i have not touch a drink this then.
3 she thought i was drifing away from her,but the irony was i thought the same of her when we saw each other,misscommunication right there.
4 lack of sex on her and my part. Cant get privacy,no condoms,shes on her period.I felt like she was holding the lack of sex part on me,thats just messed up.
5 I have ocd about diseases and i thought i had something and i did not want to give it to her,she could at least appreciate the fact that i was trying to protect her.
6 when the conversation was over she asked me if we were still together bc she said she made of a mistake of wanting to break up. The endig of the conversation was fine and light hearted and on good terms.
7 she has had a struggle with depression her whole life.
8 the next night I txt her to expand on the progress she and I made the night before and she txted me back by saying her "depression"was kicking back in,so i told her i m here for you and i love you. so now i m getting the silent treatment
I read that depression can make ppl withdraw but i do no know if this is bs or truth. Whats with the 180?

there is more but  i want to make this post short

[michael852]

p.s we are both on facebook and have not changed our relationship status or unfriend each other,i do not know if thats a good thing.

[specialmom]

Well, here is the deal.  She's depressed.  That is a medical condition as you know from having ocd/anxiety.  She needs medication and talk therapy.  She may need some space.  When someone is battling depression, extra stress from a relationship makes it even harder to deal with ---  both the depression and dealing with the relationship.  

Text her that you are there if she needs you and give her some time.  

good luck

Are you seeking treatment for your anxiety, by the way?

[michael852]

Yes i am,and i even noticed it is going away on its own. I want to help her but i can not because i am here and shes is there. from the things i ve told you do you think she wants it to end or is just being angry. I sent her a hand written letter explaining how i feel,thats my olive branch you could say

[brice1967]

Depression is nothing to toy with and is very, very real.  It can lead to a lot of things and withdrawing is certainly one of those things.  I can't speak for your girlfriend, but I can tell you this about my depression disorder.

Withdrawing... as uncomfortable as being alone is for most people, it was the only place I was comfortable.  I could be alone with my thoughts and that would stew up more depression, sinking my ship ever further.
(She should seek the help of a professional, by the way.)  My disorder would get to a point where it would be make it or break it... I would somehow pull myself together enough to barely function, and that too added to the depression.  Knowing that I was not at my full potential, but not knowing how to get back to my full potential was frustrating.

Communication.... you folks seem to be lacking communication.  Say what you mean, mean what you say.  No punches pulled, and if something is wrong, tell it like it is.  That is the only way to get to adressing problems.

[michael852]

Thats what i am trying to do.I m the personality type if i have a problem i try to solve it right there in then,she is more of passive aggressive sort. I ve never seen her depression for the years i ve know her,so naturally i am at a loss. i m trying to help but it seems like i m getting slapped in the face by the silent treatment

[teko]

I think the silent treatment is more about control than anything. Unless she has depression and then she cannot help it. Its a way of coping. Its like being swallowed up in a big black hole that you cannot crawl out of. When your depressed and to the point of withdrawl (withdrawal) from others and not wanting to talk. Its real easy to get rid of the stress just to function.

Good luck with that. I have a saying for depression. It is anger turned inward. Nothing has been settled friend. Nothing. Its just easier to let it go sometimes than it is to fight it. No energy to deal with it.

[specialmom]

I also think that the 'powerless' use the silent treatment as a last resort.  Silence speaks so loudly.

However, hearing about his girlfriend's depression----  I will tell you that sometimes needing to NOT deal with a relationship/partner is a healthy thing for someone trying to get it together.  Then they can come back when they are stronger.  

If you are really worried about her though, find a way to check on her.  maybe call a friend or sibling just to have them check on her to see if she is okay. (or you could do a quick check up yourself without any expectations of actually spending time.  Just take her something she likes as a treat and tell her you hope she is okay.  If she clearly is not, get help for her.)   good luck

[michael852]

Well guys i just got txting with her and i found out it is her depression that is making her feel distant

[specialmom]

Oh, I'm sorry for her.  Depression is difficult.  Encourage her to seek full treatment for it and hope for the best.  goodluck