relationship trouble

i have been reading a lot of these questions in this forum and i think many of you may have some good advice for me.  i just recently, in november, got out of a 3 year relationship where i was engaged.  my whole life i have jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend.  i know i need this time to be single and find who i am.  i'm only 21.  however, here's where i need help.  my best friend for the past 4 years has always been there and we had dated in the past before i got with my ex.  when my ex left, i went to my best friend for, i'll just say it, sex.  he knew i just wanted sex and we were both ok with that.  however, in the past 2 months i have had growing feelings for him.  he actually makes me happy and i know i love him...  but like i said i know i need to be single... but i want to be with him... should i wait and see if he's still around when i'm ready for a relationship or should i just be with him?  what if he's not there when i'm ready?  i know he has these feelings for me. he's my best friend we talk about everything! lol! help? any advice?

[Jaybay]

If you really want to be single and get your head back together, that means NO CASUAL SEX.  God knows there are enough serve-yourself sex toys available on the internet, so please yourself with those until you can figure out what kind of a relationship you want with a man.  You went to bed with this "friend" on the rebound from breaking up with your fiance.  Not the brightest behavior there, and certainly against what you planned to do when you broke it off with your fiance.  If you're tired of bouncing around from one man to another, you're going to have to take time off from men.  Like a year or more.  Take that time to see a psychologist and see if you can figure out why you behave this way.  Surely you know going from bed to bed and man to man generally results in messy emotional situations, and possibly deadly disease?  And no, people don't die from lack of sex either.  :-)

[dka25]

well thank you for that.  first of all, we are no longer sleeping together.  that stopped about 3 months ago.  and it was after that i started to get all these feelings for him.  second of all, i didn't break it off with my ex, he left me.  i know it was stupid to get involved sexually but we were both aware it was just a rebound sex and it was always protected.  

[truehelp]

I dont agree with jaybay on the sex toy thing but i must really say you should keep off from sex totally to be able to think well as it (sex) does affect the thinking faculty.
Really, what I think you should be doing is to find out if your true friend really want you for sex only......and since you got feelings for him, ask yourself too if that is all you too want because this count a lot but meanwhile stay off to get good result.Also if you agree with me that you enjoy his company, then why did you leave at first?.....think of this dear friend.

[mayflowers]

I don't really understand your problem.  Do you want to date your best friend?  Just tell him how you feel and see what he says.  If he says yes, great if he doesn't, move on but still be friends with him.

[jo929]

why dont you just stay away from the sex part awhile  you dont have to have sex with everyone just stay away from relationships for awhile it sounds like you are letting your hormones take over . try dating causual for awhile  also it sounds like-you need to grow emotionally some before getting involved   lots luck   jo

[Cosmogal]

Do you know if the feeling is mutual or have some kind of idea that it may be? I say go for it! You have obviously known this guy for awhile. He seems to me like he would be a perfect match for you. You don't always get second chances. If you feel like this could go somewhere, then take that chance. I wish I did years ago. You say you haven't had sex in 3 months so I think that is a long enough break. Who cares how long its been? What the heck! Take a chance girl! Go for it! Don't live life with regret! You sound like you are in love with him. I got divorced in sept and started dating my husband now in december and now we have been married 16 years. There is no wrong or right answer to when you should date again. A good man lets you be you so you shouldn't have to "find" yourself! Hogwash! Go for it before he finds someone else and your left wishing you said something.

[radhika28]

A best friend need not become a good life partner..so u must discuss everything with him first. apart from the sex part, you must check if both your views & opinions in life get along well.dont rush, but dont be too complacent to let him go away.
All the best

[girliegrl1723]

i was in a similar situation. i just gotten out of a 3 year relationship after having always had a boyfriend, ever since i can remember, i told myself i needed to be single for a while. well during that time, i met my now husband. we had sex a lot sooner than i normally would have with any other guy. even to this day, i don't know why, it just felt right. it ended up working out and we are still together and have a son. but thats just me. my point to you is, you told yourself you wanted to be single for awhile before you realized you had these feelings for your friend. like another poster said, if he feels the same way, why not give it a try. if it doesnt work out, you move on. if you never gave it a try in the first place, you would always wonder what would have been. imo.

[susieq87]

I have learned about reltionship hopping.  We leave one relationship because of a particular problem and get into another where there is the same problem or a whole set of new problems.  Find out about yourself, get some self-help books, classes, information etc.  Perhaps then decide, if you are happy alone, then perhaps you can have a relationship.