saying she's pregnant but i think she's lying

I supposedly got this girl that i was with for a very short time pregnant back in January according to her. I'm 22 and she's 21. She said she didn't want it and had already scheduled an abortion for the following week. We were on good terms then and we were communicating through text during the week and the process of the abortion because I couldn't be in attendance. She told me how she was feeling like crap and bleeding out cause of the pills she was given. She then mentioned that she had the Nuvaring put in, which through my research they will not put in if the woman is pregnant so I don't know if she lied to me about all that.

some background on her, all of this comes from talking to her over the past 3 months or so. she is 21, has a 2yo son that she had from a marriage when she was 18. she was dating a guy at her work about a year ago but only for about a month according to her, but they continued to fool around for a long time after that. she got pregnant from him and had an abortion. but is still in contact with him and spends a lot of time with him. she says she has slept with 25 guys in her life

We had a fight the other day, i called her some colorful names and she all of a sudden brought it up saying she never got the abortion and is still pregnant and claims its mine. When I asked her to get a paternity test to prove that the child is mine she refused, and has continued to refuse. she would be 9 weeks along now. She is telling me she doesn’t want me in her life at all and barely answers my questions through text. I have talked to my mother and a few close friends who know her as well, they all think she's lying. I have save our most recent texting session, nothing before that though :/

if you need/want any extra info or clarity please let me know

[AnnieBrooke]

The number of partners she has had is not pertinent, but the fact that she seems to be telling you that she had past casual sex and an abortion from someone else's baby suggests she is either living a dramatic life or telling a lot of dramatic stories.  Accept that she is probably not being truthful.  The question is what is she being untruthful about, the original abortion she told you she had, or the pregnancy?

When did you have sex with her exactly, do you remember the dates?  Did she give you the "9 weeks along" figure or did you work that out yourself?  (Doctors count pregnancy as beginning on the first day of the last period, not at conception.)  

Thing is, when you are dealing with a dramatist, you should not fall in and play along.  She says she doesn't want you in her life.  So, walk away and don't sweat it or text her or ask her questions or anything.  If she really has a baby, it will become clear soon enough.  If it is yours, you have every legal right to get a DNA test once the baby is born, especially if she requests child support.  But I will bet you it won't ever come to that -- a woman who thinks she is carrying a man's baby will not tell him she doesn't want him in her life, she will be looking at how to have him in the child's life or at least at the issue of child support.  

Break off your desire to text her or ask her stuff, you're just playing her game.

[RockRose]

I agree with Annie,  it's unlikely she's pregnant.

And actually,  go back to google research - inserting a nuvaring contraceptive is pretty common at the end of an abortion procedure.  

[wcc963]

Thank you for the fast reply. When she went to the clinic she said the doctor told her she was 6 weeks 4 days which but the date of conception at Jan 9th according to her. I wasn't there when she went to the clinic I had to work and it was too short of notice. We had sex 3 times in the first week or so of January. January 9th being one of those days, the last time. I remeber her telling me she went to her moms during the bleeding out of the abortion. I will see if I can get in touch with her mom but have no idea how, she lives about 45min away and I've only been there once on thanksgiving so its a bit fuzzy.

I don't want to play into her game and I'm not trying to contact her after yesterday afternoon. But the thought that she might be telling the truth is eating me from the inside out. She said it was twins when she supposedly got the abortion, she said they did an ultrasound. Which from my recent research they usually don't do until about 13 weeks. So IDK what she's lying about or what she's telling the truth about and its driving me crazy.

She has been out drinking, like last Tuesday 2/5/13 when she texted me drunk. and she was pretty adament about her being not pregnant anymore and being on birth control cause she wanted to fool around more.  I also have reason to suspect she was fooling around with 2 other guys around the beginning of January as well. So there is a possibility that if she is pregnant that its not mine.

Also I'm typing this from my phone, so I'm sorry doesn't grammatical errors

[RockRose]

According to Google,  US are required for any abortion performed in Florida.

[wcc963]

Well my gut is telling me she's lying about this cause I made her mad the other night which was when she brought all this back up and was like ohh Yea I'm still pregnant and its yours. Well she said she got an US when she went and took the first pill there and the second the next day. Was texting me about how bad her cramps were and how she was bleeding and such. Then a couple days later she mentioned that she had a date to go back and make sure the abortion took. But things went south for us before that date so I didn't hear from her about the follow up visit. But the mere fact that she's told me this should make me believe that she is lying. But there is still that chance of her not lying

[wcc963]

She hasn't asked me for any money, not even for the abortion which I offered to pay half of, she said "no, its OK I'll take care of it". The other day I said if do have the twins (it was supposedly twins, she learned from the US) I want a paternity test done. She said and I'm quoting here "well I'm having it, and it is yours. Ohh and no thanks to the paternity test" but when she was mad she mentioned "you'll be getting called in 7 months for child support" but I'm sure we would need a paternity test before I'd have to pay child support. So that was another thing she Sdid that didn't add up.

[TTinKKerBBell]

It sounds to me like She is enjoying the drama here.

I hope You will take this as an important lesson and will no longer be having "casual" sex.  NO birth control is 100% "safe" and Babies OFTEN are a result of "sex" - AND an abortion is not even an option for many. It is not a good idea to have sex with anyone You are not prepared to raise a Child with as Two Loving Parents.

I would end all contact with Her until/if/when She shows at Your door  with a  Baby in Her arms.  If that should happen ask for a DNA
Good Luck

[wcc963]

Well I wouldn't call it casual sex, we were working towards a relationship before I found out about the other guys in her life and how much she has sI lept around. That was when I broke things off with her, she wasn't to happy about that either but that was after we had sex and before she came to me saying she's pregnant. I'm not really in a good place financially, I make about 15k a year right now, so I don't want to just forget about it, have her turn up with a baby and the test say its mine... Cause I'd be in a bad spot money wise if I didn't prepare for it.

I hope she's just enjoying the drama. I'm sure I hurt her with the things I said to her that night so she might just be doing this to scare me cause I hurt her.

[RockRose]

wcc,  this happens a LOT.  It would be nice if when girls threaten former lovers with this kind of emotional blackmail,  you could get a court order for a blood sample to determine if she's pregnant.  It seems like that would be reasonable - with proof (texts,  emails,  hand notes,  voicemails,  etc.) that she's accusing you of fathering a baby,  seems like you'd be entitled to a pregnancy test.

Probably won't ever happen though.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I appreciate You saying that You were working "toward" a relationship BUT I still hold to my opinion that We should know someone well (morals, standards, values) BEFORE we have sex and risk making a Baby with SomeOne we aren't "sure" We are prepared to make a Family with.  By Your own admission, You didn't know some important factors about Her.

That being said, I admire Your willingness to "step up to the plate" and assume Your responsibility toward an "innocent" Child (who never asked to be placed in this situation!!)

So, go ahead, plan and save, and be prepared (just in case), BUT if this IS simply drama on Her part - then reward YourSelf with what You have managed to save.  

Further note:  "casual" sex or not - Babies Are Serious Business!! (for WAY more than 18 YEARS - College, Weddings, GrandBabies, etc., etc.)and EVERY Time You Have Sex - You ARE Risking The Creation Of A Baby.  SO!!  Choose Your Sexual Partners Wisely 'cuz a Baby can ALWAYS result!!  AND You will be "tied "to her for the rest of Your life as You will share parenting and what comes with that:  refer to my former mention of College, Weddings, GrandBabies, etc., etc.)

I am NOT criticizing You.  In fact, I CERTAINLY admire Your sense of Responsibility here.  I am only suggesting that You NOT Father a Baby that You are UNwilling to be a FATHER to.  A REAL Father requires "presence" in a Family Unit - not merely financial support.
Good Luck

[wcc963]

I think I forgot to also mention that I used a condom for the three times we had sex, yes I KNOW that no form of bc is 100% safe. I checked all three afterwards because I'm paranoid about this kind of thing(kind of ironic) I blewthem up like a balloon to see if there was a tear of any kind(maybe not the smartest idea but its done) and none of them leaked. I uderstand that sperm are very very small, if I remember correctly from anatomy class they are the smallest cell in the body so they could get through a small tear... But I know thats highly unlikely

[RockRose]

well that's an image I won't soon forget ...  

[AnnieBrooke]

RR, lol!

wcc963, you are playing into her game if you are letting this "tear you up from the inside."  She's just enjoying the drama.  Please don't let yourself be an emotional patsy and a victim, she thought of the thing to say to hit you where you live and play you like a violin.  Letting yourself be played like a violin is YOUR choice, and you're in control of it.  Just disengage.

As Tinker suggested, if you really think there is an ounce of truth in all this silliness, start saving your money.  You can have a really nice vacation on it in seven months when there is no baby.

Since I write all the time on the DNA/Paternity forum, I must ask.  She went in for an ultrasound on what date (in other words, the day on the calendar, such as March 1) and was told she was 6 weeks 4 days pregnant?  If you can provide that date, we can figure out whether this was in range of "sex three times in the first week of January or so" with January 9 being the last time.  It might be that this part of the story doesn't make sense medically and on the face of it you are off the hook already.  So, what is the date of the ultrasound when she was told 6w4d?

wcc, you sound like a very nice young man.  Time to do some manly standing on your own two feet in a grounded fashion.  I am sorry this woman with whom you had an intimate relationship and hopes for more, turned out to be a volatile drama queen.  Now it's time for you to learn the man lesson, of being concerned which you are as a good human being, but not being gamed.  Try to unclench your gut, the likelihood is that this is not true.  Of course you will be a good human being and do the right thing if the baby (a) exists, and (b) proves to be yours.  But don't let yourself get all squirrelly about it.  You can't know what's going on right now, live with that ambiguity as a lesson in not being too casual sexually, and in choosing your partners wisely, but at that also let go and move on with your life.

[TTinKKerBBell]

RockRose:  Me too!!  
I'm not certain what He's saying here. -  Did He blow the condoms up BEFORE He used them?? or AFTER??!! ??

wcc963:
I think You got my point:  There is no such thing as 100% safe sex.  I will stress again:  Don't be having sex with someone You aren't prepared to SHARE ParentHood with!!

My opinion is STILL:  Do Not Go Around Risking an Unwanted Pregnancy!!AND
Pregnancy Is ALWAYS a Risk if One is Not Going Solo!!

Obviously We (You and I) do not see "eye to eye" here, but, none the less, it's been fun to go back and forth with You.

I'm still wishing You luck on how this turns out.  It's obvious You are not "prepared" to be a FATHER  (which has little or nothing to do with "Child Support").  CHILD SUPPORT is a "given".  Being a FATHER requires MUCH MORE than monetary support!!

[wcc963]

I don't remember the exact date but I know it was a Wednesday cause I was in school and then Thursday (when she was bleeding out) I was at work. I'm pretty sure the date of the ultrasound was Feb 20th and it might have been January 6th that she said was the date she got pregnant. I pretty sure now that I flipped the number.

[wcc963]

I blew it up after... I'm really paranoid about this kind of thing so its nothing for me to do that to be 99% sure.

[TTinKKerBBell]

So, You're willing to blow up a condom AFTER You've used it ?!! (OMGolly!!) - so then, what's the point?...... after that point????.....if there's a hole in the condom You're okay? and if there's not, You're not?  - I'm not getting this!

If You are "that" paranoid about creating a Baby - why not avoid the situation altogether?   If it's just about "getting off" well, as I said before - You can do that solo - No risk of pregnancy - no having to blow up a condom, before OR after.

Seems quite simple to me!

[wcc963]

If I blow it up and Theres a hole we know then and there and can handle it much better than finding out weeks later. I know, but at the time I has just gotten dumped after ayear and a half relationship so I was looking for someone to take my mind off my ex. Which she said she was also trying to do so it worked for both of us. Looking back it wasn't a very smart decision I admit and agree with that, but I can't change that now, only learn from it. Which I'm sure after this I will. But I'm just concerned that IF she is pregnant that she'll do this out of spite... I wonder if she sees the financial situation she's putting herself into with not being able to work (she's a cocktail waitress at a local casino) inhaling second hand smoke all day and on her feet.

[AnnieBrooke]

Ok, let's see.  If the ultrasound was in fact February 20, here's a little list:

-  First week of January and the 9th, sex with you, with condoms.

-  February 20, ultrasound says she is 6 weeks 4 days pregnant.

6w4d counts back to January 5, which would be the first day of her last period.  Please get this straight.  A doctor or ultrasonographer begins the pregnancy count on the first day of the woman's last period, not the date of conception.  A person who is told on a given day "You're 6 weeks 4 days pregnant" by an ultrasonographer is being told she conceived about 4 weeks 4 days prior.  Not 6 weeks 4 days prior.

If her period did begin on the 5th, she would not ovulate (and conceive) for a couple of weeks after that, i.e., around the 19th.  That is out of your range.

Could have the date of the ultrasound wrong?  Did she happen to mention a due date?
____

On the topic of you playing into the drama and picking up the bait, umm ... you're still doing it.  Saying loftily "I wonder if she sees the financial situation she's putting herself into with not being able to work (she's a cocktail waitress at a local casino) inhaling second hand smoke all day and on her feet" is the comment of someone who is still trying to fight, by one-upping the person who has been manipulating him.  I mean, so what?  She is probably not pregnant, and if she is, it is HER outlook not yours to make patronizing comments about her health.  Try to let go, it will make your life easier.

[wcc963]

OK, its actually really funny that you mentioned the 19th. that was the day of chilli cook-off here in south Florida. she had been messing around with this guy Jesus right before we kinda got together. and she went to Chilli Cook-off with him and I didn't go. she was texting me telling me she was really drunk and so on. she gets really horny when shes drunk, and im pretty sure he was trying to get with her(I saw them making out a couple weeks before that on her car at a bar... should have ended it there and i kick myself for not). so that would have been the perfect opportunity for him... its just really nice that you happen to mention the exact day that she spent with him and was pretty wasted too. i think they slept together and its his now...

[wcc963]

she sent me a screen shot of her ovulation calender and the highlighted week was january 7-12...

[AnnieBrooke]

Ask for a screen shot of the ultrasound, and when you get it, tell me the date for sure (was it really February 20)? and whether there are any measurements and duration on it.  (Duration being the "6 weeks 4 days" remark.)

[AnnieBrooke]

[What she marked down on her ovulation calendar is not significant.]

[wcc963]

i don't think she has anything from the ultrasound and the way things are between us right now i highly doubt she'd voluntarily give me anything other than a "get out of my life"

[RockRose]

Well,  not that it means anything because she could put in any dates she wanted into her ovulation calendar,  but that means she entered about Christmas Day for the date of her last monthly period.  

So fast forward,  on Feb. 20 she would have been 8 weeks pregnant,  not 6 weeks 4 days,  as she said.

None of this makes sense.  It might be helpful for you to sit and really try to put some dates to this,  for your own peace of mind.

[wcc963]

the only times we had sex was Tuesday nights because i was off work and so was she. the only thing i had to do was school the next morning at 12:30. i remember January 9th because i was almost late to class. that morning we had sex before we left for me to drop her off. she didn't stay come over wed-sat nights cause i had to be at work the next morning and so did she... I know for a fact now that she said according to the US that "we" got pregnant in that week of January the 6-11th i don't have the texts that she sent because i thought i didn't need them anymore.

I know we didn't have sex in December, all this happened in January. and who knows she could have changed the date since i wasn't present for the US. the doctor could have said 8 weeks or 4 weeks and she could have told me what she wanted. but im sitting here thinking now and i know she said Jan 6th which is a Sunday, its possible she came over that night. i just don't remember those details that far back... there were many times that she came over that we didn't have sex and those i think are clouding the real dates but i know she said either Jan 6th or 9th for the date of conception and i flipped the number in my head. other than that i can't pin down exact days we had sex... the more i think about the dates we had sex the more i question it... but i know it was 3 times in the beginning of the year

[RockRose]

Well,  anyway,  if she got pregnant around the 6th or 9th,  (as I guess Annie said too) she would have been 8 weeks on the 20th of February.

It sounds like she herself doesn't know doctors add two weeks,  and she tried to make something up that would implicate you.

[wcc963]

the problem is it was a couple months ago and a lot has happened in between there. I'd love to have concrete dates but im sorry i don't. i even went back through 4 months of bank statements to see if i could pinpoint the date i ought the condoms and could go from there but no luck. i most likely purchased them along with other items that are making it hard to pinpoint the exact date of purchase

[wcc963]

so does that mean if she told me january 6th, not knowing the doctor was going to add 2 weeks to the amount of time, it would really put the supposed date of conception around the 19th?

[RockRose]

It could mean almost anything.  It could mean she was never even pregnant and made up the ENTIRE thing,  even the story of when the doctor said she conceived and she counted it out on the calendar not knowing it wouldn't actually ad that way in the doc's office.

It could be he told her 6 weeks 4 days,  which would have meant she got pregnant around Jan 18th  or so, as you say.

That doesn't add up either,  because if she got pregnant around Jan. 18,  she would have been having her period Jan 6 and you surely would have noticed that when you had sex.

It's all just a jumble of stuff that doesn't really add up.  

[wcc963]

well i know she told me the 6th or 9th. i know we had sex 3 times. im starting to think it was more end of December and the beginning of January not just January... im just starting to scare myself :/

[RockRose]

wcc,  since you're spending this afternoon and evening worrying about this,  just go through this forum and see how incredibly common this is.  I think I see this about once every two weeks or so on this grouping of forums.  

This isn't how pregnant women behave.  It would be very surprising if she is pregnant.  

[wcc963]

she sent me a picture Tuesday night saying "would i be showing this much" and its a picture of her belly with her standing in front of a mirror. but she could also just be pushing her stomach out to make it appear that shes showing

[wcc963]

i actually did read through about 4 threads about very similar to this one, but i wanted to put my exact situation up here to get direct advice. and put the details from my situation up here for everyone to help with if they can.

i understand that its common, but how many come back months later and say that she was lying or it wasn't theirs, or they had the kid and are now supporting it?

if i happened once a day(7 times a week) and 4 of them had the kid and are supporting it and with the other 3 we hear either she was lying or miscarried or it wasn't theirs. that's still not good odds. are there any stats on this kind of thing?

[Londres70]

"Well I wouldn't call it casual sex, we were working towards a relationship before I found out about the other guys in her life and how much she has sI lept around.".........ENOUGH said.  

This could be Santa Claus' baby for all you know IF indeed she is pregnant.

Sounds like a load of crap she is feeding you and you are falling for it.  Don't sweat the situation UNTIL there is a situation to sweat.  

You need to move on, put this behind you and not worry UNTIL there is something to worry about it.  

Obviously, there are MANY lessons to be learned here.  I think you know this.

[AnnieBrooke]

wcc, if a woman on bad terms with a guy learns she is pregnant and begins to figure out that he is the probable babydaddy, what she worries about then is the future of the baby and the baby's relation to the dad.  Your gal isn't doing this.

If the dad is a violent crackhead, she writes in worrying about how to keep from having to let him know he is the dad.  If the dad is a good guy and she kind of has hopes for the relationship, she writes in acting hopeful that he'll step up "for the baby" (but you can tell from her tone that she really hopes the baby will be bait for the guy to come back to her as well).  If the dad is a good guy and she wants him to be in the baby's life but not in a relationship with her, she writes asking how she can guarantee he will be a good father.  If the guy is solid and solvent, but she doesn't want anything else from him, she starts thinking of DNA tests so she can get child support.  Your gal has done none of these things.  Not even the DNA test one.

When a woman says "You're a jerk, I hate you, guess what, I'm pregnant!" she is just trying to think of the best way to hook him and hurt him that she can, to keep him feeling bad and on the string.  Don't play.  Save your money and take that vacation in seven or eight months on the money you are not having to pay for child support.

[wcc963]

every time i think she is pregnant i get a reminder and flashback to when she was telling me about what she was going through with the abortion, and how after she was telling me that she wanted to get together again and i said "no, i don't want to risk you getting pregnant again" she sent me about 5 consecutive texts saying things like "I wont get pregnant because I got the Nuvaring put in. and even if I did I wouldn't keep it because it's yours" and that was a solid 2 weeks before she brought all this up again on Tuesday night

[wcc963]

yea when i asked for the paternity test she said no, i never asked to go to the doctor with her to prove she was still pregnant but im 100% sure she'd say no to that too.

and yes i have learned A LOT from all this, and will be making sure that im much more careful in my future relationships.

[specialmom]

Well, pregnancy is one of those things that has a definate end.  I'd tell her that she can come to your house or you her's and she can take a pregnancy test in front of you.  If she refuses, then tell her that you'll talk to her in 9 months when she'll legally have to establish paternity.  

Move on and leave her alone.  Don't feed the BS.  time will tell and it is very doubtful that she is still pregnant.

PS:  Gross man, blowing up a used condom?  Yuck.  

[wcc963]

yea I understand that its a little gross... maybe a lot. but like i said before its hard for me to just move on from something that if she isn't lying will affect me for the rest of my life. im sorry but i cant just forget and move on from something like that... i fell much better about it than I did yesterday and most of it is from everyone on here who has taken time to read and respond to my problem. I haven't said it before but THANK YOU, THANK ALL OF YOU :)

she probably wouldn't even talk to me right now let alone come over or let me come over to take a pregnancy test. so that's not an option right now :/

i keep telling myself shes lying but part of me will believe shes not until i know the truth. its just the way i am :(

[specialmom]

If she is pregnant and establishes paternity, you can't walk away from it.  I'm suggesting you don't worry about it until then.  And that happens at the end of pregnancy if there is a pregnancy.

anyway, you are putting yourself in the position to be fooled.  Wait and see what happens and deal with it then.  I'm guessing that no baby is involved.  good luck

[dragonqueen1]

What great advice here on this site, I hope it helps you. My heart breaks for you that you are tearing yourself up over this. I can understand your point, but on the other hand, you got to let this go for now... This is out of your control right now and for you to worry about something that you can't control is useless energy. This girl is not normal to do this to someone. She knows you are hurting and worried and she is loving it, and that is sick. This type of girl is very common today and very sad, I feel sorry for her 2 year old, I hope she's a good mom with that much evil in her veins. Anyway, please please please get some sleep and relax and you will soon know the truth that we all have been telling you.... she's NOT pregnant and if she is IT'S NOT YOURS!!! :)   Good luck I know it will all work out for you.

[wcc963]

well the night we had the fight she threatened me by saying "they'll be calling you in 7mo for child support" yet she said no when i said i want a paternity test. its really starting ti sink in that she's just flat out lying. but i also thought that she might do this, establish paternity and im out child support. but i don't think already being a single parent that she or her support network wants her to have 2 more kids

[wcc963]

I think I'm going to go to her parents tonight after I get off work. I think will give me a definite answer

[specialmom]

If she'd only be 9 weeks and the pregnancy would have been semi unwelcome, be prepared that her parents know nothing about it.  You'd get the ball rolling for answers, I guess.  good luck

[wcc963]

When she told me she was pregnant she said she told her mom. When she claims she was going through the abortion and cramped up and bleeding she said she went to her parents so her mom could take care of her. So unless everything she's told me is BBS her parents sound know. But either way I should get an answer our as you said get the ball rolling towards one. Should be an interesting night

[specialmom]

Yes, after this though-------  please try to remove yourself from the drama.  If she is indeed pregnant, you aren't a couple.  You'll just wait until she gives birth and do what you've got to do.  And if she isn't pregnant, this is not worth so much of your energy.  Try to just make this your last effort and then wait.  good luck

[RockRose]

I hope you post back with how the meeting goes.

[wcc963]

If she is pregnant and keeping it, I'll wait til the paternity test results are back. If not she's never goons hear from me again.

Yes I will post back after the meeting tonight.

[wcc963]

She just texted me today saying she had an appointment today, heard their heartbeats... She said she's 2 months and 1 day today 3/15/13

[RockRose]

I'll wait to hear what her parents say.  Honestly,  I think that's the best thing in the world you could do - either 1.  she's pregnant and telling the honest truth or 2.  now her parents will know she's a manipulative liar.  

Either way,  you'll know tonight.

I'll pop the popcorn.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

OMGolly wcc963!!  

The way You have "obsessed" over this is more than a LITTLE "unreal" for a Guy who is "willing" to have sex with an insignificant someone - when Pregnancy is ALWAYS a possibility (underline ALWAYS!!).

I still say - You ought to stop having "Sex" UNTIL You are ready to accept what can result from having "Sex".  "Sex" (Personally I prefer to call it "making love" with SomeOne You are in Love WITH) is initially "meant" for creation (i.e. sperm and egg meet and sometimes they Merge to Create Life) - the "feel good" part is a BONUS and meant for Us to share with Significant Others Who We would be "okay" with and if ,in fact, a Pregnancy should result.  Don't "practice" making Babies with SomeOne You don't want to make a Baby with!!

Masturbation was "created" for Good, Solid Reason: as Masturbation is ALWAYS "safe"

STD's and other sexual diseases were "created" 'cuz We were not not meant to "sleep around" and have "casual" "sex".

Initially, We were meant to hold sex as a "sacred" Expression of Love and as a way to Create Life.  (Babies happen!!)

I know I sound "old fashioned" to You - but, I would bet that "sex" (lovemaking) is much more meaningful and satisfying when One doesn't share this MOST intimate act with UNsignificant others.

I say this in all sincerity.  (and I hope She is NOT pregnant)

[Londres70]

It will be interesting to know how this will turn out.  

[wcc963]

I see your point and respect your view on this subject. Yes most people today, even some from the past generations, will probably see your view as "old fashion" but the truth is your right. Accidental pregnancies happen much much more in todays society than in the past. But it is what it is, times change and if I get out of this with or without children I will be adopting that old style. This has scared me enough that I never want to go through this again.

The reason I'm obsessing over this is because if you haven't worked out yet I'm no where near emotionally or financially ready to have one kid let alone two. I'm just scared for myself and for the kids, I woldn be able to support them by myself but wouldn't feel right abandoning them with her crazy ***.

[wcc963]

What about the 2 months 1 week... How does that work timeline wise?

[RockRose]

Nobody talks like that,  wcc.  Take a scroll through the pregnancy forums on this website - women who are pregnant count weeks and days,  not months and days.

[AnnieBrooke]

Two months one *day*, you said originally, not two months one week.

No doctor would tell someone they are "two months and one day."   That is because a month, how long is that?  30 days?  31 days?  28 days?  29 days in a leap year?  It sounds like she is making up numbers for your edification.  A doctor would have told her in weeks.

Just ask her to send you a copy of the ultrasound that says on it the date of the ultrasound, the crown-to-rump measurements of the embryos, and the number of weeks and days of the pregnancy, which are all printed right on the ultrasound.  Also ask her for her doctor's name and the name of the medical facility where she had the ultrasound.

Frankly, I wouldn't go see her parents.  If she's been lying to you she might have been lying to them, and you do not know what kind of a tale she is spinning about you.  You might be highly unwelcome.  You also don't know if, should they say she's pregnant, someone else might be the father, and so there is the possibility you will learn she is pregnant and at the same time learn nothing.  It is undoubted that you showing up will just stir, stir, stir the pot.

You say you're obsessing over this because you're not ready to be a parent.  But you are not listening at all to the advice of any of us, that tells you pretty universally that you are probably not a parent (or going to be).  This makes me feel like you're kind of stimulated about the whole hot mess, maybe because you don't have much else to think about?  Please, dear boy, let loose.  

As specialmom says, "please try to remove yourself from the drama.  [Even] if she is indeed pregnant, you aren't a couple.  Just wait until she gives birth and do what you've got to do.  And if she isn't pregnant, this is not worth so much of your energy."  It TRULY is not worth your upping the drama by showing up at her parents' house for a come-to-Jesus meeting.  All that will do is cause fireworks from her.  I am beginning to wonder if that's in fact what you want, to make her mad and embarrass her in front of her parents.  In other words, she scares you with a pregnancy threat, you retaliate by pretending to be all confused so you can show up and get her in the stinkhouse with her mom and dad.  Try to figure out why you are upping the ante in a game you should not be playing.

Take care, I think you should chill.

[RockRose]

Annie,  I almost always agree with you but in this case,  I think it's a great idea to go see her parents.  

That's a stand-up thing to do,  IMHO,  and admirable.  If I had a daughter who sounds like her,  and some young man came to my home and said she's claiming she's pregnant and I want to know what the truth is so I can begin to prepare to take responsibility,  I think I'd give him a hug and kiss.  

Either she IS pregnant (unlikely) and he needs to get his ducks in a row or she is lying and it's time for it to stop.  

IMHO.

[RockRose]

Actually,  had she not sent that text from today,  I think I would agree just to back off and let things ride.  As it is,  she's going to keep coming after him with more and more "evidence" and taunting him.  It's time to find out,  it seems.

[AnnieBrooke]

Maybe.  But I think that if she is pregnant, she got pregnant on or around the 19th, from earlier statements and analysis we did, meaning that someone else is the dad.  So, what good does it do for freaked out wcc963 to come by and say, "Is she pregnant?"  Mom and Dad might not know, or they might think wcc963 is the dad when he is not, or they might have been fed a pack of lies and be ready to shoot wcc963, or he might look like money from home to them ("Look!  A sucker who will pay for the baby!") and not ask too many questions.  It seems like a phone call would be more appropriate if Dad owns a shotgun.

But of course there is also the argument that wcc is very, very upset about this and wants to know, and is putting getting her into trouble with Mom and Dad a distant second to his burning need to know.  I just wonder what useful he will really learn.

I guess at least he can hear if she really stayed with Mom after January 9 when she supposedly had a pill-induced abortion.

[AnnieBrooke]

wcc -- if  you do go, or if you do call, my suggestion is to go over a timeline with them and check each thing.  "She told me she was staying with you on the 9th because she was bleeding from a pill-induced abortion, she says now she is pregnant, she says it is twins, she says I am the dad ..." and let them react to each thing before you go on with the next one.  You might find they have a different picture somewhere along the way that it would be useful to explore.

[Londres70]

Perhaps her parents should know what their daughter is doing and then maybe, MAYBE the truth will come to light.  

What is surprising to me is that there is MORE birth control available nowadays, but more unplanned/unwanted pregnancies.  

[RockRose]

wcc,  I hope the evening went okay for you and you got the answers you were looking for.  

[wcc963]

ok, so i went to her parents house. both remember me from thanksgiving which i was surprised because her mom was a bit drunk that night. her dad was on the way out to work when i arrived and i just got down to it.

i explained that their daughter was claiming to be pregnant and saying i was the father, she(the daughter) said she told you(the parents) about this and that she was going to have an abortion. as it turns out she never told them the whole truth. the day of the abortion she told her mom she wasn't feeling well when she went to their house, but nothing about being pregnant. her mom was real cool about it, and called her. had a short conversation with her on the phone and the last thing she said was "are you going to have a baby?" me and my mom, who went cause we were going out to dinner for my birthday after o_O I know crazy right... but after her mom asked her the question we all heard her say a definite "no" now her mom says they're really close and she doesn't lie to her but she did about the abortion when she said she wasn't feeling well.

but that was a no. she has been texting me and not giving me a definite answer. always avoiding the questions. she wanted everything to happen on her terms, quoting "my terms or no terms, end of story" i replied "end of story" lol if she ever wants to talk, shes going to have to come to my house on my terms. but again, thank you for everyone for taking time out of your day to respond to my problems. im glad i found this site (by accident really) but everyone here has really helped me a lot.

i may not have seen eye to eye with everyone or thought the same ideas were the best thing to do but im glad i go to see both sides of the coin before making my decisions. some of you may think that im just young and dumb and didn't listen to you but u have been reading and re-reading every response on here as they were posted and having it influence my decision or at least take into serious affect and talk over with my mom before proceeding. so again, thank you everyone for your help and support.

I'm 95% sure im not going to be a dad, and that shes not pregnant. but i will check on her in a month or so just to be absolutely sure (see her and look to see if she's showing)... but for now i have told her to stop texting me and leave me alone.

[wcc963]

oh and to your statement about the 2 months 1 week... according to the calender im sure she meant 9 weeks (which would have been Wednesday according to her)

[nursegirl6572]

Quite a tale.

I have a question...why would you check on her in a month?  She blatantly lied to you and was dramatic about it to cause stress for YOU.  She's not pregnant and I'll bet never was...I bet there was no abortion, no anything.  She sounds like an attention seeker, and a liar.

Stay AWAY from her comepletely...dont call her, text her, answer any attempts she makes to communicate with you.  Be DONE with this.  To continue to want to contact her or "check on her" is just odd, IMO.  She's NOT pregnant.  You HAVE to let this go.  People have been telling you that all along, yet you've been keeping this going...you claimed because you wanted to know if you were going to be a dad....well you know now...I think YOU kind of like the drama too, personally.

If her parents knew NOTHING about any of this, when she said she told them about all of it, she's 200% a liar, and nothing else.  With all due respect, you'd be absoluteLY FOOLISH to go anywhere near her, she cannot be trusted.  Next, she'll claim rape, and you'll be in jail.  Someone who lies about big things like that has an issue...for your own safety, stay away!!

Good luck!

[Londres70]

Ditto Nursegirl.  

I am not sure why you won't let this go.  You got the answers you needed.

Is there something I am missing?  

Move on and be done......that's what a rational person would do.

[RockRose]

I thought this was how this would end up.

wcc,  if it will be any comfort to you read through the STD and HIV forums on this webpage.  There are so many people who had a brush with a chance they could have caught an STD or HIV and they can't let it go no matter how many tests and evidence there is that they're clean.  They get a test and are flooded with relief only to have the doubt creep back and then become full blown again in a matter of days.

This has grabbed hold of you and won't let go.  Somehow (I don't know how) you're going to have to come to the realization that this is no longer a rational fear - you've become stuck on an irrational possibility.

And read The Telltale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe in the meantime. It's short and a very clear image of someone who lets fear take over.

Best wishes.

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with Londres and RR above very much!!!

The other thing I didn't mention, is, it would be nearly IMPOSSIBLE for you to have gotten her pregnant with an intact condom in place.  You'd have a better chance of winning the lotto while getting struck by lightning.

[wcc963]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have since deleted all our text conversations, but saved all the screenshots ofthem just in case. Deleted her number but not before I remebered to block it. But whatever she's out of my life... As for forgetting about it, that will take a little time. Still was on my mind today but I was much better about it, still some doubts though :-/ I'm sure those will go away too.

One last question. I know all women are different but at the supposed "2months 1 week" or 9 weeks according to her time table. Would she be noticeably showing? I saw her last night before I went home and she was wearing a sweatshirt but looked the same... This one is just out of curiosity cause she sent me a picture of her stomach on Tuesday night but I think she just pushed out her stomach for the pic to scare me

[Londres70]

Good heavens.....let it rest.

If you can't find yourself getting over this you should really talk with someone professional.  

Sounds like you have some kind of anxiety issue, i.e. OCD.  

Let this go before this drives you insane.

[RockRose]

wcc,  no, it's not likely that she would be showing at 9 weeks.  

It's good that you deleted her contacts from your phone,  etc.  

I think you can rest assured she's not pregnant.  Best wishes.

[wcc963]

that was truly my last question and I was just curious. thank you everyone for your help and support. it may seem that i didn't always take your advice but i did think about every point made here very carefully before choosing my path. this was a hell of a learning experience that i don't want to go through again.

thank you all again for your help and support