sexless

[lonelyforsex]

ok iam a 48 year old male and live with my girlfriend when we frist met she wanted sex alot and it was very good but now iam lucky if i get it at all maybe 1 time in 3or 4 mouths i have tried too talk too her but she tells me deal with it or move on what is going on i know iam not bad in bed but she just dont want sex now what am i too do iam going nuts trying too find out why this is going on


This discussion is related to Husband wont have sex with me!!.

[MaxBlast]

My live in Girlfriend of 12 years went through at last 5 years of Menopause.. It was like living with three different women.. The sex dried up, and she was sulking all the time.

Basically I'd suggest moving on.. Women with an attitude you will not change.. It only gets worst.

[awaitingpeace80]

Wow! This sounds like a stage my marriage went through at one point there was barely any sex but we addressed the issue. I feel empathy for you relationship and situation. Is your relationship with this woman healthy? Do the two of you engage in romantic activities like dates, or cuddling? Do you buy her flowers or tell her she is beautiful?

[Ashelen]

I agree, specialmom. And I do NOT agree that a woman who doesn't want sex is getting it somewhere else. at 22 I wanted sex all the time and would've thought the same though though :-). However, 3 years and 2 kids later...I know that there are complex reasons for someone to have a low sex drive and trying to get her to open up about it is your best...well, really, your ONLY option. You can't fix what you don't understand, right? My husband and I used to have sex every day, several times a day for the first few years of our relationship...after our daughter was born there was a period of about a month where we had NO sex (the longest we've ever gone)....and then when I was pregnant with my son near the end there were about 3wks where we didn't have sex. The first "break" was because of me completely...and it was due to hormones and stress. But now we're back to every or every other day, and after nearly 8 years together that's pretty good. My point is...don't give up. Women are complex creatures and sex is WAY more than physical...so if any aspect is off, it can throw off her libido..so if you can get her to become proactive in her own relationship, she should explore physical (medical) AND mental (emotional) impacts on libido and see if she can find a solution so you can have a mutually satisfying intimate relationship.

Good luck...I'm sorry she seems so hostile. I'd worry about depression.

[specialmom]

Gosh Kate, I hear ya!  I went through a period after my second child in which if my husband so much as looked at me, I wanted to run in the other direction.  It didn't have much to do with my husband.  It was all hormones, sress and fatigue.  I also had gained weight from having my kids and didn't feel too sexy at the time.  All of these types of things can contribute to a less fequent sex life.  I was happy these things all got much better for me and then found my libido again.

I still say that the sexiest thing a man can do for his partner is to do the dishes and take the kids for a couple of hours!  Warms my heart and makes me very "grateful"!

[KATE535]

Well my libido has dropped quite drastically (from every other day, to once every 1 to 2 weeks) and it has nothing to do with loss of interest in my fiance. I'm simply worn out! I have a part time job, 3 children - including a 14 month old baby, plenty of housework, the list goes on...
Is there anything going on in your partners life that is wearing her out, physically or mentally - work? has there been a stressful event, or bereavement in her family?
It could be more than just not wanting you.... although I do think once a month or less shows something very wrong.

[specialmom]

Yes, I agree with Iam1butterfly.  There can often be an issue with low libido that is medical in nature and that is worth exploring.  

What concerned me was her answer to you about the situation.  This sounded semi hostile on her part and made me think that perhaps there are issues going on in the relationship that would be worth exploring.

But making sure her medical situation is not playing a role is a good idea.

Good luck.  Sometimes through improved communication and effort on both people's parts-------- this can be made much better.  

[iam1butterfly]

You mentioned your age, 48... what's her's? Often, when a woman is Menopausal or Peri-Menopausal the libido (sex drive) wanes due to hormonal imbalances. Might this be the case with her?

[p123p456]

A lot of the time when a woman stops wanting sex with their partner it means that they're A) getting it from somewhere else or B) the relationship is over. The fact that she is even unwilling to discuss what is going on is unfair and a bad sign. I don't know how long you have been together, but it sounds like she is ready to move on and doesn't know it yet, or wants to keep the sense of security you provide.

You need to get her to talk, or else this relationship will inevitably end one way or another.

[pinkpoodle]

There are so many reasons that women with draw from sex. I have been with my boy friend for 3 1/2 years. I do not want to have sex with him any more. He has hurt my feelings so many times that there is no way I want to be intimate with him . He is so selfish that my desires have totally gone away. I am no longer attracted to him.  I am working up the courage to breakup with him.

[specialmom]

Do you think maybe she is mad that you only want to live with her at your age and not marry her?  I'm sure there is more going on than just sex and you need to investigate that.  She may be unhappy with the relationship over all, have a desire to be a wife and not a live in,  she may be depressed.  So, empathetically get to know the real reason.  good luck