she campares me to her ex

[scliff]

my girlfriend compares me to her ex boyfriend all the time. he was a real turn off in her life. she used to get turned off by practically everything he does and now its haunting me. if i am too good to her, i remind her of him and that puts her off. many times the things i do remind her of him and i suffer even though she says that i am nothing like her but i dont really know how and what to do. please help

[mami1323]

It sounds like she still has a thing for the ex.  Why else would someone constantly compare that person?  Even if it was her worst relationship and even if she picks at the things you do that remind her of him, it seems like she can't let it go.  She may not want to be with him but she's still thinking of him.  Either way it's not you and anything you are doing wrong.  It's her and her past issues.  If I were you I would tell her that you need some time apart so that she can get over her ex.  It would infuriate me if I was being compared to either a not so great relationship or a great relationship.

[Jennifer1987]

Wow, I wouldn't mind a fella being really nice to me lol.... I hate when people compare you to exs... Its like they seem to be thinking about them r something! My bf doesn't do that thank god, it about the one thing he hasn't done yet!

Maybe the relationship was so bad she does not want to be in another one like it??? I wouldn't say it to my fella though. It is really annoying and kinda upsetting..tell her you dont want her to do it anymore that you dont like it!

[yukiko4711]

Mm, I may not be a psychological expert, but your girlfriend seems to be having issues with separating her past relationship with the one she has now.
I know everyone will reflect on their past relationships so they know what they wish to avoid and what they prefer in a partner. But the past should be evaluated and then left where it belongs...in the past.

You should not feel like you cannot be yourself and there should be nothing wrong with treating her with love and kindness. It seem she may be comparing you a little too much with her previous boyfriend if it has caused you so much stress to always be worried about what you say and do.

Have you confronted her about how you feel?

If there is to be any respect and love in this relationship compromising and understanding need to come from both of you. She needs to realize that her lingering on a previous relationship is bring down her current. How you feel and how she affects you is just as important as how she feels and how you affect her.

This seems like something both of you will haveta sit down and have a serious talk about. Going into detail and sorting out feelings seems to be the best option (in my opinion).

If she is not understanding and willing to budge on the issue of her "old boyfriend', i consider that a red flag. Not a lot of good can come from her constantly flashing the 'ex-boyfriend' line. Just make sure you tell her how you feel and all the stress it's causing you. Hopefully, the openness will help ya'll move forward from this.