should I give up on my girlfriend

[peruvianhelp]

I have been with my girlfriend for 37 months. When I first met her i was economically good and professionally too so her concept of me was admiration and she felt in love with me right away because of those reasons and my personality of course. Everything was perfect after the second year, I picked up smoking weed again and from that moment on my life changed drastically. I started to be a different person making a lot of mistakes hurting her by lying and cheating on her. I also had problems with the police, car accidents, and basically my life turned around and I started going backwards. She forgave me many times and believed in me but i kept on making mistakes and hurting her. Last year, I basically left her alone and acted like she wasnt part of my life, I just left out the city and didnt speak to her at all after a couple of months my father came to visit me and wanted me to go back with her even tough  I told him that i didnt want to be with her but he insisted so I basically returned with her after that. we were together for a couple of months and i continued to smoke and drink and lie to her until one night i told her that i was going to sleep and just left the house at the middle of the night to a party until the next day and crashed my car drunk and the police got me and took me to the police station around 7:40 am. In that moment I couldnt call her , I just didnt know what to say so i waited until the afternoon and called her to tell her another lie but she didnt believe me and decided to leave me for good. In conclusion after this accident that caused me a lot of money to fixed my car and with the problems of the police i finally learned that i cant live like this and i cant definatly live with out her. I want to know if I should try to look for her and fight for that love that i have for her or do I just go on with my life?
I really feel she is the love of my life and that i need her with me because i love her.

[peruvianhelp]

Thank you for your comment. You see I asked her to give me another opportunity to show her with actions that I am willing to make changes and to be the person who she fell in love with. I don't expect this to be easy but I am going to put all my effort to change even tough is difficult but we'll see. Thanks again for your help.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  In all honesty, yes, I think it is too late.  I'm sorry to say that but if she were to write to me this story from her point of view, I would say that you pose a great risk to her that this could repeat.  You clearly have an addiction problem with both weed and alcohol.  You say you started smoking weed 'again' meaning this most likely wasn't the first time you gave it up and you relapsed.  You need to be in a significant rehabilitation program or you will relapse again. Currently, you should focus on sobriety rather than any romantic relationships as hard as that is to do and as painful.  

I can not encourage you to pursue her as I don't think it is fair.  Unless you are in a rehab program, there is a very strong chance you will use again and who knows, it could be even harder drugs next time.  I'm not being negative---  I hope and pray that never happens.  But there is a pretty significant risk unless you take the right steps now and then continue those steps the rest of your life.  

Focus on you and getting your life on track and she should move on to find someone without this traumatic history.  good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

I was going to suggest the very same idea.  The only way you will show her that you have changed is to actually change, to get back to the guy you were before, no drugs nor acting out when incapacitated (did you get arrested for your drunken follies?  If so, do you have to go to jail?)  If not, try to get back to be the professional success you used to be.  Then DO IT FOR A WHILE, before trying to contact her or to convince her of anything.  If you don't, she will not believe you, and frankly in her shoes I would not either. If you are facing legal trouble for your drunk-driving stunt, now is not the time to contact her, or she will assume you are merely doing it because you want someone to hold your hand when you face the music. Anyway, stay clean and improve your life for at least two years, then get in touch and tell her you did it to be worthy of her.  Then maybe she will give you another chance.

[RockRose]

Well,  you changed completely from the guy she wanted to be with,  to a guy she didn't want in her life.

Maybe if you worked on yourself for a year or two and got back to the place where she would want you back,  that might be the thing to do?  At this point,   you're the opposite of the guy she chose to be with and she's moving on.