should I stay or go ?

Hi all,
Before I get into this I want to tell you that my fiance is perfect in so many ways. I had two kids from a previous relationship and he had none nor did he want any until he met me. He took my kids on and bends over backwards for them and crucifies himself so they have everything they need and want. He helps me tidy the house and he even cooks (sometimes lol ) but when it comes to me and him well....
We made love 2-3 times everyday for a year and then he went onto anti depressents which cut his libido totally and while i understood this would happen as the doctor explained it I didnt mind so much but now hes of the tablets a year or more but still doesnt even look at me let alone want to make love to me. I have to beg at times as im frusterated and then I end up crying coz i no he didnt want to do it and i feel rotten. We dont talk anymore everytime i even breathe its like hes snapping at me. He says he has no want for sex but everytime we have a fight and he leaves for the night he comes back and his phone history is full of porn so if hes no want why would he be looking at porn? Iv watched porn with him and hes got pleasure out of it so do i just not satisfy him y cant he talk to me anymore? we used to be so close now its like we are always strained or tip toing around each other. We have one child together as we planned it and now have another on the way but sometimes i feel resentful as i no he only slept with me as he forgot my birthday and i hadnt slept with him for 6 months before that. I absolutely adore him and every day i try to cuddle and kiss him and keep our friendship alive and when we used to argue i used to stay and try sort it out now its just gone so pathetic from his side that i just walk into another room or go to bed.I DONT THINK HE LOVES ME ANYMORE. I think hes only staying because of the kids :( but i adore him. What do you think ? Any advice?

[remar]

Maybe you should talk to him about couples counseling. The two of you do have children together so it would be hard to give up on this relationship. I understand that. Working and having a family can be very stressful. Can you say why he was on antidepressants for a year, and why he decided to go off them?

[Londres70]

You stated your husband is taking antidepressants.  Is he also in  counseling for the depression?  

How often is he leaving the house at night?  

[TTinKKerBBell]

It would behoove You to read:  "Your Brain on Porn:  Watching Porn is indeed harmful to sexualiy between a Man and a Woman!!  It most certainly becomes a detriment!!  He becomes "addicted" to porn - this site explains it - the how/the why.  Recovery IS possible once one becomes aware.
Good Luck

[shorty1209]

He was on anti depressants coz of his own family issues came of them coz he said they helped put things into prospective n cut the stuff depressing him out of his life he doesnt go out without me unless we have a huge fight which is once every month or two I have tried talking to him he just snaps he's of the anti depressants over a year so they play no part in wars goin on I mo cos I was on them years ago the reason they were mentioned is coz he's using them as an excuse for no libido but he has libido coz he's able to *** AMD only to porn hes using them as an excuse not to come near me iv watched porn with him iv no prob with it and he knows it so y is he lyin about it n trying t hide it n y is he erasing his phone history n y is he always snapping at me even if I say nothin. Like I said he is perfect in every way its just that he doesn't come near me or want to come near me n he snaps even if I do or say nothin so as a family man he's amazing but its like he's just gone of me n just stayin for the kids

[Londres70]

"Like I said he is perfect in every way its just that he doesn't come near me or want to come near me n he snaps even if I do or say nothin so as a family man he's amazing but its like he's just gone of me n just stayin for the kids."   You call this perfect?  NO relationship or person is ever "perfect."  

I am not sure why you are staying in a sexless relationship with a man who has an obvious porn addiction.  Then, you think he doesn't love you any more and is just there for the children.  To add: you state he has used "this and that" excuse for not having sex with you.  

Bottow line:  If he isn't willing to talk to you about issues or doesn't think there are issues or doesn't want to work on issues in the relationship then leave.  

[nursegirl6572]

I have a slightly different take on it.  Antidepressants ARE very well known for causing a good deal of sexual dysfunction.  I would recommend him speaking to his doctor to see if he could try a different med.  Sometimes, a different med will make a difference.  I'm assuming he went on the ADs for an issue that needed addressed (anxiety or depression?)...so it's actually GOOD that he sought help and is on the med.

It's pretty common for someone who is suffering from a decreased libido to not be able to perform sexually with their partner, but in private, and usually a LOT of work, they can manage to orgasm.  Of course I can't be sure, but that very well could explain the porn.  If that's the case, he's not a sicko...he's just trying to do anything he can to occasionally be able to orgasm, which is really important.  I'd also be willing to bet, since it sounds like his sexual side effects are more on the severe side...that probably only 1 out of 10 of his "porn nights" end in success for him.  Again, IF that is the case, could you imagine what he's going through?

My advice is to approach him with compassion, and explain that this issue is really bothering you.  See if he's willing to talk to his doctor and first try a med change.  I also agree that couples therapy would be very helpful.  It seems like the foundation of the relationship is a good one...but that the sexual problems are driving a wedge between you.  You also have children...so it's definitely worth working on.

I cannot stress enough how common sexual problems are with ADs...there ARE options.  It's a tough thing to balance, because if he needs the medication to address anxiety or depression, then he needs it, and I would imagine that he is probably devastated about this side effect of the med.  You need to let him know that it's worth it to address this with the doctor. Don't just jump to conclusions that he's some porn addict or pervert...he's frustrated, his libido has been affected, and he probably doesn't know what the heck to do.

Before he went on the med, I'm assuming the porn issue was non existent?  You have to put two and two together.  It would be rare for an adult man to "all of a sudden" develop a porn addiction or habit.  To me, I would bet he's turning to porn to be able to "get off" at least occasionally.  That's not a reflection on you at all.  And, yes, I understand that you have watched porn together, but it just isn't that easy.  It probably is nearly impossible for him to GET an erection, maintain it, and then stimulate himself enough to be able to ejaculate.  This definitely needs addressed...both medically, and emotionally.  You two really need to communicate about this.

Best of luck to you.