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should i leave my girlfriend
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should i leave my girlfriend

i have been with my girlfriend for 6 months she has a eating disorder sometimes she pushes me away but her body language is verry isolated when she gets in one of her ED moods   recently shes had a (good friend)  but never invited me round to his i had to ask to go round when i asked i was aloud but shes not talking to him now because of me getting anoyd cz the dude is a dodgy looking guy.    i always have to cheer her up an comfert her treet her with massages an all that but she never returns the nice gestures WTF i dont know what to do   shes started talking to her ex an shes deleated thare text conversations i feel like just geting up an leaveing tbh but i dont want to hirt her  ggggggggrrrrrrrrr HELP please          

she came back from her guy friends house once she went with her hare all nice when she came back it was a mess i chalanged her about it  she said it got wet because of the rain it was wet outside but it wasent raining (she traveld by taxi)  i said well it dosent rain inside an she changed it to they were watching a film an she got scared an hid under a blanket      my head says cheeet but i felt i had to try an trust her
10 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome to the forum.  Well, here is something that I really think we should all take to heart when choosing a partner.  If they have mental health issues (such as eating disorders) that they do not hande well and the relationship is very up and down---  I don't think we should ignore that and think it will just get better over time.  Eating disorders (which are psychologically based) will not get better without work  and can be life long.  Now, I don't want to be heartless and say that someone will never get better but when the patterns they have when in a relationship with someone are such that they make the other person suffer due to their mental heath issues, I would never recommend that someone stay in that relationship.  Love IS a choice and we shoud choose to be with someone that their future is healthy, that they work hard to get better, and that we have the best chance of having a long future with.

So, with that said----  you must decide if her eating disorder issues are such that they cause too much of the focus on the relationship to be about her and her problems.  I personally would not be with someone if that was the case.  Relationships are hard enough without that going on.  

I don't think you need to think she did something sexual with the guy.  BUT, she didn't want you to meet him.  Odd.  I want to show my husband off to people I am friends with.  So, I think you can have hurt feelings for sure.

But really, if you don't trust her, you can't have a true reationship.  

I think if you are not married, you should re evaluate what it is you get out of this relationship and consider you could have a more peacefu, stronger reationship down the road with someone else.  good luck
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134578_tn?1404951303
If you had a girlfriend who thought you were the best, cared about your problems, worked by your side to build a wonderful life, laughed at your jokes, and told you all the time she was happy you were her boyfriend, then possibly you two could work together on her mental issues.  Eating disorders take a lot of work, analysis, and commitment, to address, and the person who has them often goes through remissions, so she has her work cut out for her.  

But you have a girlfriend has a mental problem with no apparent treatment that is working, who pushes you away, expects you to cheer her up, doesn't say nice things to you, goes to see a male friend without you, tells you more than one story about why her hair was messed up after seeing a guy, communicates with her ex and deletes the messages, and you haven't been with her very long.  

What's the deal, are you waiting for it to get worse?
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Avatar_m_tn
the other night she snoged a dude at a party right next to me she says she cant remember an begging me for a second chance she says shes going to change the way she acts around people  i am heartbroken an i dont like giveing up but  i might just have to
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh goodness.  I'm very sorry to hear this.  Well, there are a lot of issues on the table here with this girlfriend.  I know you have feelings for her but at what point do you draw the line?  She has an eating disorder that she is not taking adequate measures to cheat, she gets drunk and messes with another person in front of you, this just not acceptable or the makings of a long term, quality girlfriend.

You have to decide what to do here but I beg you to not shuffle this under the carpet but make her deal with her issues if you decide to stay.  good luck
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134578_tn?1404951303

Better to stop now before you find her actually in bed with someone else.  Begging for a second chance?  Tell her that after you leave, if she is clean for a year and has gone into therapy for the eating disorder, she can call you next Christmas.
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Avatar_m_tn
hey guys i have given her a second cance week 3 of trying to make things rite hardly any sex an not that conversational in the house but outside shes chatty. she hasent self harmed or drank since but shes saying she thinks i dont love her she thinks am in love with another girl i slept with an she turned gay but i drill my fiancie like a porn star i dont understand if she dose want me or not but we have been getting stoned the past week she just wants to cuddel in bed but dosent put much efort into cuddeling me back
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Avatar_m_tn
pluss i still try an get my head round her kissing another guy an coming home drunk n looking dodgey
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Geez.....you must love punishment.  I am not sure why you are sticking around for all this nonsense.  Do you think you can't find someone else and/or do you feel the need to "save" this girl from herself?

It is apparent this girl didn't deserve a "second chance."  She has some serious issues that are out of your scope of help......leave this for a professional therapist to sort out.

You can't change her and she isn't interested in change.  

Move on and find a girl who is WORTHY of you because this one isn't.  Sounds like her and that "dodgy" guy are perfect for each other because she sounds "dodgy" too.  

I would assume shut this down and ends things.  
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1268057_tn?1399131913
oops.....  ends=end.  My typing sometimes.  :<)
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973741_tn?1342346373
slim, this relationship and woman sounds a mess.  Not my cup of tea.  Drama, getting stoned, disaster waiting to happen.  You need to get teflon for your heart if you are attached to this girl or lifestyle-----  good luck
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