so close but then fail

[Vixxe]

I love this guy i really do we been there alot and mostly going good. it all comes down too my family vs him.When we started dating we got in fight and then he never came to my home when he said he would.. i been fighting for 5 years to get them together again. 3 weeks ago we tryed getting my mom and dad out to dinner but they are stress for the holidays and said wait tell after the 1St i told my bf this... on Christmas he calls saying should i stop by to see me at my family i said no bc  that would of just been drama and pretending to be happy and get along when there not or just every one get mad. so i told him no he got upset and not wont every try going to my mom house bc when he wantes to they say no i dont what to do anymore. i want the to get along but there alwasys on differnt mood set on when and were to meet up and talk. but bc my bf could not come for xmas he now says he well neaver go over there and its killing me i dont know what to do. HELP

[Londres70]

Sounds like it's not worth all the drama and this relationship has run its course.

And if he is "freaking" out because your family is that different from his or is doing "stuff" that's so different from his then I would say that's another reason to end this as your family is very important to you.

[Nighthawk61]

Families often "make strange" when meeting new potential members of the group. Not to worry. The most important thing is how you two are getting along, and whether your relationship is worth working on, or not. That's what you need to concentrate on right now, and communicate to your boyfriend. Good luck, however you choose to go. You both deserve each other's best, going forward, whether you stay together or go your separate ways. Be gentle and kind. I wish you both peace in the New Year.  

[specialmom]

If a relationship has so much negative associated with it that no one---  family or either person in the relationship can forget it, it is often hard to overcome.  Only you know when the end is supposed to be but if it is volatile and you are fighting often, that is just not worth it.  You are young.  Find someone you can have a peaceful relationship with.  peace

[Vixxe]

it could be the end but u know wish it was not. but maybe this is not worth it bc family means alot to me

[specialmom]

Well, if you are fighting a lot, perhaps sort that out before trying to bring family and him together.  If you weren't getting along, you probably shouldn't have expected him to come 'face' your family.  

Do you think perhaps this relationship has run its course??

[Vixxe]

family don't like him bc we broke up alot around holidays bc he freaked out bc his family neaver did stuff like that so he said ill come then we get in a fight and he dose not come. so he is not welcome there at my moms house. family said lets meet after the 1st and talk and get him and my bf back in the family i told him this before xmas. i think he deced to do this so he does not have to be part of the family im not sure its a guess.. also even though this happen i saw him texting his ex not sure what to think im mad bc its his ex and only talks to her when we get into big fights its messed up... i am 22 so ya im young  but been with him for 5 years.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome to med help.  Well, in all honesty, you yourself jump back and forth a bit at having him around your family.  He wanted to come by and you said no.  This makes me wonder about something.  Because the situation is a little tense or hard to deal with do you tend to compartmentalize things and keep him away yourself?  Are you avoiding the getting together a little too?  I'm sure he can pick up on this and maybe has just had it with the situation.  ??  I'm not sure.

This is one of those issues that is tough because it is so much easier when family and significan other can just work out their relationship without you hoping it goes a certain way or controlling the situation.  

I'd tell your parents that you want to 'start over' and have them get to know your boyfriend.  I'd tell your boyfriend that you'd like him to give them and YOU another chance (as you yourself sound like one of the barriers).  And then let them work through it.  

However, if this is just one area you fight about and the whole relationship is volatile like this, sadly, I am not sure that this will smooth over.  And if you are under the age of 20, ditto.  good luck

[Londres70]

Well....you really haven't said the REASON why he doesn't come to your house anymore.  Something must of happened when he did.  

BTW:  How old are you two?  You sound SUPER young.  

Sounds like pieces of your story is missing.

[Vixxe]

even though my mom worked so hard on her family dinner to put a fake smile on some one who really did not want to be there and knew we are all going to set down after the 1ft to talk?

[zoe114]

I think it is great that you love your family, but which one do you care more about? You cannot make everyone happy. If you moved far away with your bf, would you all be happy in love? If so, put him first, if not move on.
My avice is not meant to be mean, just you need to think about what makes you the most happy and know that you cannot change any of them.
I think you should have allowed your bf to come over and told the family to deal with it. You put them first and your bf feels rejected. You need to decide soon who your priorities are going to be with.

[Vixxe]

he stop showing up at family stuff and we broke up on and off my family thinks any bf should love coming over to the house for dinner and stuff all the time he does not think so

[Londres70]

Well.....sorry, but your post was a bit difficult to follow.

What exactly happened between your bf and your family?