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so depressed..it a state of transition but cant seem to make it thru th...
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so depressed..it a state of transition but cant seem to make it thru this

Im sure by now many of you have heard the problems my bf and I have been having & we finally chose to take a break where hes staying at his moms & were keeping in little contact. I saw him yesterday but he slept most of the time back here at home (he worked 48hrs from friday night till Sunday) but anyway. I cannot get him or this off my mind. I wonna cry at any moment..& alot of it is bc hes just not around and I dont have that person to share things with. What can I do?? My mom keeps saying we did fight alot, he made the mistake I shouldnt shed one more tear but thats so easy to say, it doesnt help these feelings. Before he came by yesterday..I was doing OK..not great and would get upset when Id realize Id wonna talk or cuddle or just be near him. This is so very hard and to keep going to work and continue my life a mess. Any advice to lessen the blow? I know this isnt gonna be easy nor do I know what to expect bc we havent decided to completely call it quits. Just didnt know if anyone has been at this point & knew something that helped them thru the worst of it. Thanks!
12 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there.  Well, no doubt about it, break ups hurt.  I've been through a couple myself.  I have been face down in the carpet crying before wondering if I'd ever get over it or recover.  And ya know what?  I did.  Married a great man, have kids, and it's been many years that we are together now.  We date for an important reason----  to find the RIGHT person.  And sometimes the one we've been with for a while isn't the right person.  It hurts to let them go----  but in the end, it is better because you are then free to eventually find the person that is a better fit for you.  

Things to do during the hardest part (now)----  stay busy.  Schedule things with friends and family.  Throw yourself into school and work.  Exercise every day (this is good for mind, body and spirit).  Think about what hobbies you've always wanted to try and start NOW.  (took up tennis after a bad break up and still play to this day).  Journal your feelings as an outlet of the emotion.  Those are some tried and true ways to get through this difficult time.  TIME.  That is what ultimately makes it better.  count on that---  time heals isn't just a saying.  It's really true.

peace
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5082295_tn?1371254511
One thing that also bothers me is that if this is completely over one day I Will have to date again..bc I want to b married & have kids. I'm 27 & feel like my clock is ticking n now I may have to start the whole process over yet again!
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, no.  You have plenty of time.  I married at 34 and had my first child at 38.  Give yourself some time and then begin meeting people again.  Dating can be looked at either as an adventure or a chore based on attitude surrounding it.  I fear many accept subpar relationships because the idea of dating sounds like a chore to them.  But it is a necessary process to finding the right person and if that is your goal, look at it as an adventure.  

peace and luck dear
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1696489_tn?1370825574
I don't know of any adult who has not had this happen at least once.  I have been with my husband for 17 years.  The first few years were tough, with each of us testing what the other would put up with.  My first mistake was listening to my mother (really).  She was not helpful, and only put negative thoughts in my mind about my husband after we broke up the first time.  As it happened, we both just missed each other so badly 2 weeks after we broke up that we quit caring what anybody said, and got back together.  Same thing happened again a year or so later.  I have no idea why i listened to my mother again.  I know she meant well, but she was not objective about it.  Once more, hubby was the bad guy, and once again, we couldn't stand being apart and got back together.  Mom continued to have negative things to say about this man i was (and still am) in love with.  One day when he wasn't around (she never said anything bad around him) she said something or other, and I decided I had enough.  I love my mom, and we are Christan people, and I reminded her that she was not behaving as a good Christian when it came to my husband, and that I would no longer put up with her negativity.  I love my husband, and I accept whatever faults he may have.  He does the same for me.  Neither of us is perfect.  And we are in love.  Thank God, Mom thought for only a moment before realizing I was right, apologized profusely, and has been nice in every possible way since.  I don't know if this is helpful.  It just happened to me.  But maybe something here will shed some light on your problem.  God bless - Blu
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5082295_tn?1371254511
Yes this is very helpful thank you! & I do think my mom doesnt she how hurtful and wrong I can be..Im her child its to be expeced. Im just still at a stand still. Bc everything I think I miss him it always comes back to...why? The past few months have just been awful. & I dont know why my bf cannot see all the insane things he has done! Like we go outta town (have lived with my parents for bout 8 months) & the entire time in the room hes on his phone...same w the beach. We did exactly what he wanted..it was valentines weekend..I got a romance room...rose petals on the bed..champagne, chocolates...& he walked by and said oh nice. & didnt take a 2nd look. I had to clear the bed to sleep. (not to mention we didnt have sex that weekend) I think Im holding on to the Jason I had 6 months ago bc I think hes gotten to comfortable w the Sara (me) who puts up w anything and will shut up when he gets mad to avoid confrontation. Ah this is so hard. I know I really have to pick & chose what to listen to from my mom bc she does not know the ends & outs of every aspect of our relationship. I know shes trying to help but she doesnt even think I should be upset bc we argued alot. But thank you that really reminded me I cant  listen to what everyones telling me...esp if its not 1. neutral & 2. positive..so thanks again. Would explain it all but it would probably be a book! lol
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5082295_tn?1371254511
Oh yeah may want to add he moved in within a month...which was at my parents (I lived here thru college & was staying just still I found a job) & the relationship was perfectly fine till the past couple of months...so Im sure being here isnt helping but its def not the whole reason. Plus he is now making enough money (he even said I didnt have to work if I didnt want to..but i do bc hes so stingy w his $$) to move out on his own or us both..yet hasnt mentioned it & hes staying at his parents..(sleeping in his car at night there) Yet also Idk his plans on that bc he hasnt said during our convos since he left friday (its tuesday now)
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Avatar_m_tn
You don't Need to be in a relationship.  It might suck to break up, but it sounds like you have been in a relationship or relationships for a long time and think you need one.  Take some time to yourself and relax for awhile. Do things you like to do and have some fun.   I understand some people want a relationship badly, but when you break up its probably better to Do You for awhile.
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5082295_tn?1371254511
I know its so fresh..only a couple days and theres no complete answer from either of us if we want to break for good. The main reason I want a relationship is bc I want to get married & have kids & feel Im getting older (27) & im gonna be like 80 before I have kids. & yes I would much rather be in a GOOD relationship...& this one isnt cutting it. Yet having this time to myself has felt somewhat good...then I realize hes not here & things are just so weird..kinda clueless at what to do sometimes. I do need to find myself & freakin remember what I like to do by myself. But thanks for the comment I needed to hear that!
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973741_tn?1342346373
psychdegree, I really believe that when someone strongly desires being with someone, they eventually are.  You just have to ward off any desire to be with someone so badly that you jump into the first thing that comes your way.  Take some time and heal and then you'll meet someone to start dating again.  good luck
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5082295_tn?1371254511
Oh most def! If me & him are seriously..eventuality done I will b single for a while & remember what my real standards r. I may feel my clocks ticking but marriage is forever..which that's n the back of my mind anyway bc this ring came off my finger to quickly..even tho we were waiting on his divorce for the actual engagement.
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5082295_tn?1371254511
Well guess I'm gettin to that stage I hate to hear other girls say. Why haven't I heard from him or what is he doing..night time is the worst. I need help I feel at a lost or dead end bc there's hardly no communication. Except hey have a good day etc. He will eventuality have to talk to get all his crap if were done. But I've now chose that he can work around me when tht time comes. I hate all this confusion & wish some kinda answer from either end to happen. Guess ill wait it out but this is hard!!!! :(
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480448_tn?1403547723
I think you need some closure.  This uncertainty and unfinished business is only adding to your stress level.

I REALLY think you need to move on and focus on YOU.  I think there are some issues you need to address, emotionally.  I feel pretty strongly, from what you've said that this doesn't look like it's going anywhere good, so why not take the control, and end it?  I know it's hard to do...and you will be sad and mad, and will grieve the realtionship, but then you will heal.  You can't heal when there's all of this uncertainty hanging over your head.

That's my opinion.  Wish you the best.
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