I am so sorry if this reads like a chapter from War and Peace - to be honest I need advice or I need an outsider to tell me to OPEN YOUR GODAMN EYES WOMAN
First of all, I have to say I am professional person, and usually will not tolerate any **** in my life, and now I think I am going crazy - do I listen to my gut instinct? Im over 30, so not too young and I really should know better, but this is turning me insane! Im very laid back and very tolerant and loving.
Let me be brief (haha its really not a brief story, but the basics are:
Been with my boyfriend for seven years - he's in the army - we live separately due to work commitments and he goes away quite a bit etc but see each other very regularly (he lives an hour away).
Let me first tell you that I adore this man and I thought he was the one! Really! Never felt like this before.
A few years ago, I found his computer open and he wasn't home - and yes my gut told me to look at it! There in front of me was his account for an adult dating site with his account, pics (explicit!) and his profile! NOT ONE but several adult dating sites!!! Arrrrrr when I confronted him at first he lied and said it wasn't him - he said he did it for '***** and giggles' as the boys in work do it too! Okay this hurt........to be honest I thought he would have deleted it, but low and behold it was there five months later.....he told me 'just don;t look at it then'!!!!! I made him delete it! Yes, I had to make him delete it!!! WTF? He showed no remorse, empathy NOTHING! I should have thought it funny that he never lets me use his computer etc and always hides it!
Then a month or so later I just finished a late shift, got to his house and he was asleep - next to him on the table was his phone it was flashing - well I just had to look at it - There were texts from another woman, however, the entry was in a man's name, but the text was sexual - I called it and a woman answered - she hung up when I asked who she was! I saved her number and woke him - At first he lied and said what was I talking about - I confronted him with the evidence and he said it was some old, ugly woman from a pub he goes to (thats news to me) who he talks to and she texts him stuff! He said nothing went on. The next day I called her - she said there was nothing sexual they are 'good friends' and she has known him for about a year. He swore he would never call etc again. Two days later he left overseas for work for eight months!! Again no remorse NOTHING! During all this, he was gambling - thought he could hide it, but he blew 30 thousand in three months on ???????? who knows......he denies having a problem and I should mind my own business its his money!!
Okay so he's away, calling me, claiming undying love, he's stupid etc etc blah blah. He returns in November and I was overseas visiting family - there is a week gap between his return and my coming back - everything is good when I return, bliss in fact- he says he can't believe how stupid he's been in the past blah blah ...then Im at his house waiting for him to come home and I'm putting new bed sheets on the bed, under the mattress is a phone bill....okay.....I take a deep breath.....and check it out......Some things didn;t add up - he made an hour long phone call at 0320 in the morning....It was a day when I was on a nightshift. I rang it...a woman answered....asked her who she was and she told me then I confronted her...she denied knowing him etc....of course!!! He came home I confronted him...he said when I left for a nightshift he went to the pub and a woman gave him her number and bet him he wouldn't call her.....so he did when he got in.....He actually told me that night he was so tired he went to bed really early!! He then proceeded to say 'its not his fault - he didn;t ask for her number' and besides 'he knew it was wrong and he never ever phoned her again after that night'! WTF??
Okay this is when you all say to me - seriously girl.....are you that gullible!! Please....thats not the end......
So last week, he's late at work......Im just getting ready for bed at his house and I drop my earring I go to look for it and - lying on the floor just under the wardrobe is his old phone (he bought a new one when he retuned from overseas last November). Of course I turn it on......Holy ****.....I wish I hadn't! There were texts from The week we were apart when he returned from overseas and I was away.........Arrrrrr........... 63 of them!!!!! I waited for him to get home then asked him who this person was....he said he hadn't a clue what I was taking about, then I showed him the phone....he proceeded to get a hammer and bash it into tiny pieces - She was a stripper he'd met on his return from overseas - two days after!! his comment was 'I just got back from afghanistan' what do you expect'!!! Seriously.....Ive waited for this man to come home on numerous occasions from being overseas and sometimes its been months and months...I've been asked out by hundreds of men and always I say no.....Okay again, he says nothing sexual went on...they just met and talked......So a few days later (id saved her number) I called her....she confirmed nothing sexual but she had met him for breakfast at his hotel and he had run some errands for her.....WTF??
IN between all this ****......I know he's been gambling....thousands of dollars......he denies it.....
So now....of course he's saying Im the most gorgeous woman in the world...he doesn't know why he's doing this etc....He is such a good liar - I mean REALLY GOOD LIAR!!
Then I sit and think about things....When I'm there his phone is always hidden....or off!??? HIs computer has a password....he has no bills in paper anymore?
Could I have been sucked in for so long?
Is he a narcicist.
Im becoming very anxious and paranoid (its really not me) I hate it!
I adore this man - WTF?
Okay....any sound advice would be really appreciated. I can't talk to any of my friends about this....they'll think Ive lost my mind....Ive always been a very loyal, kind, no bulshit person with zero tolerance of anyone who lies
x