still confused

[jayt72]

This is a follow up to the previous question that I posted.  We spent all of last week together b/c of his parents being out of town, and we had a really great holiday weekend with just me, him and our kids, and it felt like we were a family again.  I brought up several times about us getting a house together, but the subject was short lived.  He recently got fired from his job, and he has yet to start looking for another one.  He is waiting on his unemployment to kick in, and it's easy for him to be out of work, because basically by living with his parents he has no expenses.  I continue to work in my career as a counselor and I have been at my job for 4 years, and so I feel like I have stability financially, but it's hard living on a single income with the economy the way it is right now.  My parents have been pushing for me to get a place of my own and show him that I don't have to live with them to be stable.  I'm just so unsure and frustrated at what to do anymore.  I know my husband loves me, but I feel like he is in his comfort zone being back at home with his parents and he is content with that.  I believe that he has forgotten that he is married with 2 children, and he is living this life of a teenager again.  I can tell that his parents get frustrated with him at times, but of course they don't say anything to him b/c it's their son.  He's not going to grow up until someone actually makes him, and I thought having a wife and 2 children would cause him to want to be a mature man, but I guess not.  I would appreciate any thoughts or ideas.

[jayt72]

I appreciate your comment AnnieBrooke.  I came to the realization yesterday that this relationship is going nowhere but downhill.  I spent a few hours with my huband yesterday, and something just told me that this is it.  I have had it with his attitude, the way that he treats me, the whole nonsense of him living with his parents, no job, no responsibilities, no sense of respect for me.  I told him last night that I have had enough and I wasn't going to call or text him anymore.  I basically told him that when he grows up and realizes what is important in his life it will be too late.  I am ready to move on with my life with or without him.

[AnnieBrooke]

What would you counsel someone else to do who came to you with this situation?  A husband who (as RockRose said in your other post on this topic) is emotionally still a little boy and is content to live with his parents and not have a job, and a partner who (in the face of reality) hopes the forms of adulthood (having a wife and kids) will magically cause him to grow up?  He's probably reverting to childhood because he is resisting the taste of adulthood that being married and having kids gave him.  I'd let your wishes go, and stand on your own two feet, no matter how much you want him to help support the family.  He'll always be in your life, since you have the kids in common, but it doesn't sound like he's going to grow up or assume a man's responsibilities at this time.