still not sure what to do about attraction to another man

[omlm]

I asked a question on this subject about a month ago will not much has changed.ill quickly till you what my problem is.ive been married 7 years.have a 1 and a 3 year old.have been attracted to this other man for over 5 years.
i came across this man the other week and asked if he wanted to call in for a coffee when passing by.{we live in the country}
will he did husband was away at the time.everything went fine and when he left he tried to kiss me.will something ive wanted to do for so long but i didnt i said i cant really do that.we talked for a while then he left.i rang him the next day and said we needed to talk he said he would ring me tomorrow.
he did and i decided it would be easier to talk in person so he said he would call in next week.{which is this week}
i cant get him out of my mind and i dont know what to do.me and my husband get on ok!not much love in our relationship i feel more sercuity with him.really confused any suggestions thanks

[slow_healer]

Ever hear the saying: "you don't know what you have until it's gone" ?? Be careful, especially with cheating. Once trust is broken, it very rarely ever grows back (from what I've learned).

I have been in a serious relationship and was really attracted to another man. That relationship has long since ended (for other reasons), but I remember after the breakup realizing that my ex put a lot of pressure on me to meet all of his emotional needs. I think now the attraction was so tempting because I wanted to be with someone who would be a break from my partner.

I'm not saying your situation is the same - afterall, attraction DOES happen (and is perfectly normal and healthy as far as I'm concerned). I'm suggesting that this attraction isn't going anywhere because of imbalances that may exist in your current relationship with your husband.

I don't know what kind of relationship you and your husband have, but I would recommend being fairly open with him. I would downplay what happened (with the kiss) and emphasize instead your need to be open with him about what problems or difficulties you are feeling. A relationship takes two. As long as you cannot see your husband as a friend you can confide in, you may never shake the temptation to turn to another man.

Take it with a grain of salt, and good luck!!!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

No I would not tell your husband.  But I would kick the other guy to the curb.  If he refuses to leave then I would tell.

[omlm]

thank you all for your advice.i made a mistake in the first paragraph ive been with my husband 7 years and been married 3 1/2 years sory.
My husband is good to me besides gets pretty grumpy for no reason {but we all do that.}
I dont know how i can get this other man out of my head.
i read another persons topic once and she had feelings for another man as well and told her husband and they dissappered.do you think i should do that or not say anything.{he knows the person}
thanks again for your comments.

[pixijal]

anxiousmomtobe? is right.  It is normal and ok that you would experience an attraction to another man in your married lifetime.  This does not mean that it is a relationship meant to be.  You have already made the choice to marry your husband, and have 2 wonderful children...stick with it.  Marriage isn't easy, but you have to put as much into it as you would expect to get out.  

Focus your extra thinking time and energy elsewhere, rather than the other man.  Just think: if you would put that much effort into repairing the marriage, how much would things change?  Probably a lot.  When you are lying in bed, and your thoughts are on the other man, attempt to think about what YOU could do as a wife to improve your marriage.

Your family is worth this struggle.  You have to 'redirect' your thoughts...I understand that it is difficult.  You are absolutely not the only married woman to experience this...
You cannot control the fact that you have 'fallen' for someone else, but you can control your response to it.  Best of luck!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Cut him out of your life.  He is a scumbag, as is any man who pursues a married woman.  There is nothing ahead but misery if your pursue this reckless course.

INvest the time in your marriage, your babies, you and your husband deserve it.

All of us are attracted to other men on occassion.  That is natural, but make your husband your priority.  Remember why you married him in the first place.

And take good care of yourself, are you feeling down or lacking confidence?  That's when we look at the grass on the other side of the fence.

I hope 2007 is a new beginning for you and your precious family.

[BearHitch]

Why is there no love in your relationship with your husband?  I think that you should work on those issues before pursuing another man.  This man should respect you enough to NOT put the moves on you when you are married!  Perhaps you could go to marriage counseling with your husband?  My suggestion would be to completely  cut off all contact with this other man and work things out with your husband, because you are on a dangerous road.