story of my life ...

[newmom1017]

Im 22 but im going to jump over a lot of my sad life to the relationship, so I move to Killeen texas at 18 with
this guy I barley knew that stayed with his dad that played pro basketball I didn't have to have sex with him or nothing he was cool one time he took me to the mall and his friend seen me and asked about me so then his friend walks up to me and ask my name, I don't give him the time of day so he spits out ill buy you that ring (because I was looking at rings) I glance at him and say well get it then, he says can I have your number, so after he keeps trying to talk to me I finally give him my number, then we start txtn and talking then hanging out and he takes me on a date.(to keep in mind I was doing my own thing and seeing people to see who I wanted) so after the date I sleep with him. We hangout a lot more and I ended up leaving the guys house (his friend) and was in the streets hanging with friends from school calling all my friends and every night I had to find some where to lay my head. So the guy that said hell get me the ring was now a guy I was depending on... he picked me up whenever I needed him bought me food and hotel rooms had a good time... then I just got tired of going place to place so I drop everything and everybody and go to Omaha Nebraska and stay with my best friend in the airforce. Being there a week I get sick so sick I couldn't take it so I went back to Killeen texas to my moms house I tell her Im tired of the streets and can she please help me and be a mother she says yes... I tell her the next day the pain is horrible and she goes and buys a pregnancy test and brings it back come to find out im pregnant... so she says I cant stay with her unless I get an abortion I say I want to keep the baby then BOOM.. im at a shelter... the guy that said he would get me the ring text my phone I tell him im pregnant and he picks me up and takes me to his moms house (he's 25 years old) so he tells his mom and dad and I ended up staying with his sister paying 100 for rent and I have a job at papa johns. he stays the night all the time with me at his sisters so one time I look threw his phone and what do I see is all kinds of females and I guess he had a girlfriend the time he meet me... i get mad and leave i stay with my homegurl and her brother then started dating her brother he was abusive then the guy that says he would get me a ring text me wanting me.. i deny him but he says sorry i go back and end up at his moms house he didn't love me so i left to my dads house in Waco texas i call him complaining all the time and one time i call he says his dad had a stroke.... (keep in mind it was only because of his dad that they helped me) so now his dad cant speak or move really... i told the guy that said he buy me the ring that it could be one other persons baby( i told him that when he picked me up from the shelter) so i have the baby in Waco and he comes to see the baby and takes us back with him to his moms house and we wait on child support to give a dna test, the test comes back negative... but hes attached to my baby and sees her as his own but he knows he has no legal rights. i tell the other guy but he didn't see her but 1 time and never in life bought anything for her. time goes by and the guy that said he would get the ring moves to Austin texas (i already got an apartment with my daughter and in school) so he comes in and recks my apartment one day because he found a mans stuff in the closet of MY house ... (keep in mind he said he didn't love me and we are not together) then i tell him i want him out my life and he didn't want that so he said he would do anything and i said marry me and he said yes i will and i say buy the ring! so i move to him to Austin time goes buy (no ring yet!) and i get attitudes when he hangs with his friends because i think hes going to talk to some sluts or something... and it came to one day i left... (seeing that i dropped everything and let him take care of me now i have nothing) i tell my dads wife to watch my baby until i get on my feet and ill pay her.(back in the streets) i start stripping then i started doing a website called backpage and basically got rich old white men to sleep with me for lots of money i didn't do it long and i was waiting on the school semester to come back around.. so after 4months the dude that said he would get me the ring reaches out to me and he miss's me he really wants me to come back i told him what i been doing and he ended up meeting up with me and we sleep together. So we ended up talking and were back together i move back in with him and when a argument came about he said i was a prostitute...2months later im pregnant again when i tell him im pregnant he smiles hard.. so i go about the pregnancy then another argument and this time he says he wanted to use condoms so it wasn't his fault (ill admit i didn't want to with him) but anyways so a lil more arguing and its me him my 2year old and me being pregnant and time goes by some more and i have the baby.. so we all live in this apartment in Killeen texas and i do still argue when he leaves i guess i don't trust him.. but i see he's getting more mad at me in the inside and he tells me to leave but then when im about to leave we talk and its better but its happened 3times already im back in school and i get hosueing money from the military $800 a month and today it was bad to were he says in front of his family that i shouldn't be able to talk sh*t because he pays for everything and has been for all the times i was with him and that i was a prostitute... because i was getting a attitude with him... and he had the never to say without him i cant do it... im to the point to where i want to leave but then again i don't he says he loves me now  and i love him but i just don't know what i should do.......

[TTinKKerBBell]

I agree with all others that You remain in school.  

I'm struck by Your articulation as You tell Your story.  You are intelligent and well versed but You do need formal education and maturity to have better opportunity for YourSelf and Your Children.

You are mistaken to think Your kids are "fine".  They are internalizing things that are not occuring to You to realize - and these things will have profound effects on their esteem.  This I know is true.  I have no doubt that You love Your Children but I say to You:  Beware and be A W A R E that the turmoil we live are what Our Children live too.  They are very young and They do not know how to interpret all that they see and hear but it is often reflected in Their behaviors as They get older.

You were just a kid YourSelf while You promiscuously lived on the streets.  Where did that come from if not from Your own esteem issues?  Believe me, what we do - or don't do, affects our Children.  They see; They listen to what goes on around Them and They're taking it A L L in, before they even have all Their brain cells yet; L O N G before their little minds can assimilate what they "learn".

Your Mother was a stripper, You were a stripper, You lived on the streets and was promiscuous and I'm sure You don't want that for Your Own Children.  I agree with the others that You focus on School and a better life for YourSelf and Your Children.

GoodLuck

[newmom1017]

my mom kicked me out because I had an attitude problem at 16 and my dad let me do whatever wanted and made me learn things the hard way.. no one ever told me about life my mom has been abused by my real dad and my dad is an alcoholic .. I learned things from people I was around in the streets... I have came from all of that its been a year since all of the recklessness that was happening, I have understanding of the wrong iv done and will never do it again, botth of my kids live with me with this man and have been for a year now but it just has come to a little difficulty in weather I want to continue this life with him.. because I do feel I can live without anyone and just my kids now. Hes optional in my life but I don't know if he should be an option I do need better communication. maybe that's what we need to work on. But yes my kids are fine and have always been fine living with nobody but family and his family my oldest was always safe and she acts like nothing ever happened. but we have been in a stable place all together for a year. and I love my kids I have always loved them it was hard for me to get a job because I have a record from my younger days.. so I turned to the stripping, my mom was a stripper when she had us and she went to school as well.. im not saying I tried to follow in her footsteps because I will never kick my kids out and give up on them but if it wasn't for my record I would have tried even harder to get a job. but now after I get my certificate I already have a job lined up at my friends mothers company so my future is set. yahll have great feed back im glad I herd this feedback when I was going threw the bad things it helped me think things through and get a better life for me and my kids.

[nursegirl6572]

Well said RockRose!

[RockRose]

Newmom,  I wonder who taught you that you aren't worth more than this.  You are treating yourself like a prostitute,  actually,  so it's kind of no wonder this guy who offered to buy you a ring (but still hasn't) when you met him in a mall also treats you negatively.

I don't know what kind of school you're in and who takes care of your baby while you do it,  but I agree wholeheartedly with the other posters that you need to focus on school,  your babies,  and yourself in that order and stop moving around from apartment to apartment to apartment with different families and men who are not respecting you.  

Your life is just a mess right now - prayers that you can forge through this and start respecting yourself.

[nursegirl6572]

I couldn't agree more with the above replies.

You have two children to make a priority.  You're still very young and can make your life into anything you want it to be.  Stay in school, make a GOOD life for you and your kids.  

Sounds like you need to skip the dating scene for a while, and just learn how to be okay with YOU.  And I agree about your promiscuity, that will take its toll on you.  You're putting yourself at risk for STDs, and obviously, unplanned pregnancies.  Please respect yourself enough to not have sex with people you've just met, and don't use sex as a way to make money or try to keep a man in your life.  

I would also recommend some therapy to explore why you've been so accepting of these kinds of life situations.  It sounds like you had options, but you chose the streets.  I think it may help you to explore that with a professional.

Best of luck to you!

[ROSYouralright]

Men should be the very last thing on your priority list right now. The trust thing between you and ring guy goes both ways. You have both displayed 20 kinds of shady..
You are in school, That is GREAT!! An education is one thing you and your kids can fall back on. You are so young.. Believe it or not all of the sexual liaisons are going to take their toll on you... You still have a chance to do something great! Especially in Texas where their is tons of support for single moms.

[specialmom]

Sorry, I hit post before I was done.  

This is really hard.  I hope you take birth control pills now---  always.  I think I'd worry less about who you can date/live with than getting this schooling done and a good job in which you earn an income.   No, not stripping or web site sex or sex with wealthy old rich men.  A regular job where you can hold your head up high and not depend on Anyone ever again.  

You've made children with this man . . .   not one but two.  If you want a relationship with him, you have to get past all this back and forth stuff.  That it always feels like it can be over tomorrow----  that's a problem.  Don't you think your kids will feel that eventually?  Remember, they need stability.  So, figure this stuff out.  Decide if you are going to be with him to let things go that you routinely fight over if they aren't him actually cheating or abusing you . . .   and communicate better.  I've been married many years.  it's not always easy having a long term relationship but trying to respect your partner at all times, learning to trust, having good communication, affection for one another, a bond really is what a relationship needs to last.  WORK on those things if you want to stay with the dad.

But either way, get to point in which you don't HAVE to be with anyone.  That you can support yourself and have a roof over your head irregardless of the other people in your life.  This is really key.  You're still young at 22.  Make this education you are getting the priority right behind making sure your kids are safe and cared for.  There are loans, etc. and just do whatever necessary to get that done so you can improve your life.  

Very hard road you've taken with 2 kids along for the ride.  I feel for you.  my very best wishes that all turns out well for you.

[specialmom]

Oh my goodness.  The shining star in your story is that you are in school.  That is what you need to be doing.  You've had a heck of a lot of people basically taking care of you.  At 18, you were still a kid but an adult and as you know, you made some really horrible decisions.  I know you were young and maybe desperate but what your children need the most is a stable home.  Does the first child live with you or does your aunt care for him or her?  What about the second baby?  I worry about these kids in this back and forth, unstable environment with it all about 'the guy' and not all about a stable home for them.