Aa
the son of 20
My boyfriend has a son that doesn't want his dad to have a move n girlfriend..we have been living together for 5 years..question is how do I get him to except his dad and our situation?
Out of curiousity, how do your girls regard your bf? Are they respectful of your relationship? Like it or not, your kids and his, are step brothers and sisters. Too bad that they couldn't both enjoy the extended family relationship. Again, it seems to me , if your girls are open to being respectful of your relationship, that the fact that the son cannot, is due to your bf doing or not doing something.
I too agree that your bf needs to step up and do the parenting : and that includes his not accepting rude and disrespectful behavior. Is it possible that your bf has over compensated because of him and his mother divorcing.?
As for you saying that you're not in it to " take anything"" I understand why you might feel that was necessary but the fact is that it really is not this young man's business what his dad leaves to his common law wife. whether you are together for 6 years or 60. You have a place there, whether married in a church, or civil ceremony, or simply by "common law". And as for you not getting married, to make it easier for the son. The facts then the young man could say, "you aren't my step mother, because you have no biological children". You simply cannot please everyone.
I'm wondering that your bf maybe did not take enough time one on one with his son, for him to be so defiant. Maybe your bf has not prepared his son for post secondary school. Maybe he has over compensated by not making rules and expectations as to being civil with everyone. This does not automatically mean that it is because of you, that this may not have taken place. He might have dropped the ball in some areas. And maybe if you can think of how he could better parent the son, in order to make the son happier, you could help that way.
As for you saying that you're not in it to " take anything"" I understand why you might feel that was necessary but the fact is that it really is not this young man's business what his dad leaves to his common law wife. whether you are together for 6 years or 60. You have a place there, whether married in a church, or civil ceremony, or simply by "common law". And as for you not getting married, to make it easier for the son. The facts then the young man could say, "you aren't my step mother, because you have no biological children". You simply cannot please everyone.
I'm wondering that your bf maybe did not take enough time one on one with his son, for him to be so defiant. Maybe your bf has not prepared his son for post secondary school. Maybe he has over compensated by not making rules and expectations as to being civil with everyone. This does not automatically mean that it is because of you, that this may not have taken place. He might have dropped the ball in some areas. And maybe if you can think of how he could better parent the son, in order to make the son happier, you could help that way.
"The boy has no values, he is down rite mean and disrespectful.".............Well, I am sure he is this way because he has been allowed to be this way.
Not saying this son is not wrong for his behavior, but it sounds like your bf's parenting style perpetuates this. It is more a bf problem then a problem with his son per se.
Not saying this son is not wrong for his behavior, but it sounds like your bf's parenting style perpetuates this. It is more a bf problem then a problem with his son per se.
How old are you and your bf?
I am wondering the same thing as SM. Why after 5 years is this a big problem?
I just feel there are important bits and pieces missing here.
BTW: 20 years old is a young man; not a boy.
I am wondering the same thing as SM. Why after 5 years is this a big problem?
I just feel there are important bits and pieces missing here.
BTW: 20 years old is a young man; not a boy.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, again, I have to ask you why this is a problem NOW after 5 years.
Hey doesn't complain about me..he doesn't want any woman living there cause he wants to do whatever he wants without authority..I have 2girls but they r grown and married..
COMMUNITY LEADER
I don't think it is helpful to blast the son of your boyfriend. If his parents went through a tumultuous break up, he's had some emotional baggage from his parents splitting up, etc.--- kids do act out through behavior to show their unhappiness. So, I think I'd reel in harsh criticism as he WAS a child when you met and moved in with his dad.
What life is saying is why are you living together instead of truly committing? Now, I'm not always sure if that is relevant as some people do have common law marriages with long term living arrangements. But when kids are involved, it can be a valid question.
You've lived together 5 years, why is his disapproval bothering you now? You've done it anyway for a long time.
My parents divorced when I was older (in college). I haven't always loved the women my dad was with. It took getting older to realize it is his life. Not mine. But one thing that I do really appreciate in the women my dad is with is if they are respectful to his father relationship with his child. When that is seen as an important thing (rather than the kids being an inconvenience), then I feel more at peace and open to the woman. Parents should still have one on one time with their kids--- bonding things that they do. Then enjoy family time with the new family together.
You don't mention if you also have any kids and if they live with you which is another dynamic that can make kids from a first marriage a bit uncomfortable or even hurt at times.
I'm all for peace. I think step parenting is an art. I've learned a lot from some people here as to how to really care for their partner's child while setting boundaries of their own. I think it is right to set boundaries. But also realize that the son of the man you are living with is important to him.
everyone is an adult here for sure. However, as a mother, I would want my kids to be at peace with my living situation. It's like a cloud over the relationship if that never happens.
Any reason the boy doesn't like you? I'm sure you are a great person and often when you meet a brooding young teen boy, they can dislike you for no reason or make it hard. But what are the issues that he complains of about you?
What life is saying is why are you living together instead of truly committing? Now, I'm not always sure if that is relevant as some people do have common law marriages with long term living arrangements. But when kids are involved, it can be a valid question.
You've lived together 5 years, why is his disapproval bothering you now? You've done it anyway for a long time.
My parents divorced when I was older (in college). I haven't always loved the women my dad was with. It took getting older to realize it is his life. Not mine. But one thing that I do really appreciate in the women my dad is with is if they are respectful to his father relationship with his child. When that is seen as an important thing (rather than the kids being an inconvenience), then I feel more at peace and open to the woman. Parents should still have one on one time with their kids--- bonding things that they do. Then enjoy family time with the new family together.
You don't mention if you also have any kids and if they live with you which is another dynamic that can make kids from a first marriage a bit uncomfortable or even hurt at times.
I'm all for peace. I think step parenting is an art. I've learned a lot from some people here as to how to really care for their partner's child while setting boundaries of their own. I think it is right to set boundaries. But also realize that the son of the man you are living with is important to him.
everyone is an adult here for sure. However, as a mother, I would want my kids to be at peace with my living situation. It's like a cloud over the relationship if that never happens.
Any reason the boy doesn't like you? I'm sure you are a great person and often when you meet a brooding young teen boy, they can dislike you for no reason or make it hard. But what are the issues that he complains of about you?
ur rite..I no that but the boy thinks he should have everything his dad owns NOW..I've reinsured the boy that I didn't come n this family to take anything away from him..I've tried to do the rite thing but the boy doesn't care about that..I no how the boy feels about me and anytime he is around I calm up..I've taken all I can take without making a fuss..enough is enough..I don't no all what the dad has told him but he is still mean and disrespectful to all..
You've already been living together for 5 years.
If we are not misunderstanding your post, your bf's son is 20 years old.
For the 2 reasons above, I see no reason to change your living situation. You're all adults here, it's not like you're going to scar the bf's son by living together. Your bf should tell him to concentrate on his own life instead of scolding his dad on his life choices.
If we are not misunderstanding your post, your bf's son is 20 years old.
For the 2 reasons above, I see no reason to change your living situation. You're all adults here, it's not like you're going to scar the bf's son by living together. Your bf should tell him to concentrate on his own life instead of scolding his dad on his life choices.
Tricky question as the boy has values and disrupting those could cause the lose of others. Tradition says that people get married first.
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