think i have already made my decision

what do you do if you love someone..and want to be with them..but dont get the love back..the relationship isnt violent..its just nice...and you want more than nice....p.s after almost 9 yrs....he has never took me for a romantic meal...what would you do?

[specialmom]

Hi there dear.  Oh, I'm sorry you are going through this decision.  I wish he'd just be the man of your dreams!  You've had a difficult few years with health issues of your daughter (hope you don't mind me mentioning that) so that perhaps making sure your partner was up to par was less of a priority.  I don't know if that is the case but you wouldn't be the first to choose a warm body over potentially no one.  

I agree with above that communication is important and would hope that you've talked about some of your needs with him.  Some men are pretty basic in terms of thinking about relationships.  They get comfortable and don't do anything different at all because they don't really think about it or see a need.  

so, if he started being more thoughtful, more romantic, more chivalrous--  would you want to continue the relationship?  Or is the thought that that just isn't him and you'd like to find a partner that these things come more naturally for??  

I do think that when we've put in our time and the relationship is just not working, it isn't working and it is better to move on generally speaking.  

peace and luck dear

[thatquietgirl]

Have you spoken with him about needing/wanting some romance in the relationship or doing something new together here or there, maybe setting up a date night?  What did he used to do when you first met that met this need of yours that he isn't doing now?  That would be my first suggestion if you haven't.

If you have genuinely made your effort to get what you need from him and he hasn't shown any effort or intent to give it to you after a while or started then stopped, I would consider if this is a big enough issue to be a deal breaker.

[specialmom]

Hi there dear.  Oh, I'm sorry you are going through this decision.  I wish he'd just be the man of your dreams!  You've had a difficult few years with health issues of your daughter (hope you don't mind me mentioning that) so that perhaps making sure your partner was up to par was less of a priority.  I don't know if that is the case but you wouldn't be the first to choose a warm body over potentially no one.  

I agree with above that communication is important and would hope that you've talked about some of your needs with him.  Some men are pretty basic in terms of thinking about relationships.  They get comfortable and don't do anything different at all because they don't really think about it or see a need.  

so, if he started being more thoughtful, more romantic, more chivalrous--  would you want to continue the relationship?  Or is the thought that that just isn't him and you'd like to find a partner that these things come more naturally for??  

I do think that when we've put in our time and the relationship is just not working, it isn't working and it is better to move on generally speaking.  

peace and luck dear

[Londres70]

If he isn't aware of your feelings, then talk with him about this.

If he is aware of your feelings, then it's time to either:

Accept that you wouldn't be getting anything more than friendship OR leave.