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to have or not to have sex
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to have or not to have sex

I have a boyfriend for almost 4 years, we had oral sex since a long time but we still not have penetration yet, there are some issues like i fell weird with the idea of penetration before getting married(considering that getting married are not on my bf plans), we try before to do it but everytime i get to nervous or it gets to paintfull. My bf started to argue with me because of this, he wants to have sex now he doesnt  to wait anymore and i dont know what to do, please help me!!!
8 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome to the forum.  Well, you've waited four years which is a pretty signficant amount of time.  It is up to you when you give up your virginity but if waiting for marriage is something you value and you've waited THIS long, I'd consider that a while longer might be worth it emotionally for you.  

However, because you've been together 4 years, that makes me think you are young OR I'd be asking why date for 4 years without an engagement.  

If you are young, I'd still wait.  Because giving yourself away because someone wants you to isn't worth it.  You do it when you KNOW it is right.  And if you aren't young and just having a super long dating period, any idea if you'll ever get engaged?  good luck
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1268057_tn?1399131913
It's not all about what he wants.

It's apparent you aren't ready for this.  Plus, you want to be married PRIOR to having vaginal sex and it is clear he isn't interested in marriage.

You need to reevaluate this relationship because it is definitely heading in a direction that you don't want.  

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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi Redhead, if marriage is not on his mind then ask yourself the question of why is he with you. To me, Its not a matter of sexual activity between to people,  but a matter of you both loving eachother and commiting to a relationship that includes marriage. Its about 2 people wanting to spend the rest of their lives together, growing old and becoming best friends to be together untill the good Lord calls us home.
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Avatar_f_tn
I never understand this philosophy.  

Oral sex IS sex.  

Apparantly many don't see this the same way I do, but in my opinion, Oral sex is every bit as "intimate" as Vaginal sex.  In fact, there is "penetration" during Oral sex.  Why would the Oral orifice be less "sacred" than the Vaginal one when it comes to inserting genitals?  Why would the Vaginal opening be more "protected" than the Oral opening?  Personally, I would NEVER have Oral Sex with SomeOne who I wasn't having Vaginal Sex with.  I really fail to see the difference of Oral/Vaginal on an "intimate" level.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Stay true to yourself.  If he's pressuring you to do something he knows you don't want to do, then he is not showing ANY respect for you.  He is after one thing or at least appearing that way.  If you do NOT want to have vaginal sex until you are married, reiterate that to him.  It may mean losing him, but at least you won't be regretting the decision to go against your principles and have sex with him later.  Besides, if you're looking for marriage and this man has already stated that's not what he's looking for from this relationship, he's stated his intentions.  It doesn't seem like that's changed.  He's being selfish and not considering you.  This is not marriage material.
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Avatar_f_tn
How old are you? How old is he?
Is saving yourself for marriage a religious thing??
With oral sex, etc… is this something you enjoy with him? Or is it out of compromise?  

One of the appealing things about sex is the vulnerability. It is a situation where you can be physically vulnerable with another person and let yourself go. It is the discomfort, nervousness, awkwardness, that makes it exciting and more pleasurable. This is why when couples say…”keep it exciting” what they are talking about is trying new things (positions, toys, environments, etc) that taking them a little out of their comfort zone and bring back some of the vulnerable/ awkward feelings.
Sex is a unique circumstance where you want to be vulnerable & share in each others vulnerability and making each other feel comfortable and safe.
The greatest intimate encounters is where both people can let go and be ‘victim’ to the pleasure.
Different sexual encounter & partners evoke different levels of how much you let go.. but the desire is to feel the thrill of embracing being exposed, nervous, anxious, etc.  
Whether it be a new partner that brings out the thrill, or trying something new with your spouse… Embracing vulnerability is a large part of sexual Intimacy & pleasure.

That being said: of your unable to be vulnerable with him, that I would not do it… Sex is not a favor or obligation…
Unfortunately, he is not going to give up on the idea of having sex… (you cant really expect that either)...
In my opinion, this isnt even about respect… actually, waiting 4 years, is a long time for a guy that is not saving himself.
I have to ask… if marriage is not on the table… why are you with him?
Personally speaking: without experiencing that deeper connection found with sex; how do you make life-long commitment (marriage)?

It may be time to ask yourself where you are going with this?

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Avatar_f_tn
I would also ask:  "if marriage is not on the table, why would one even have oral sex"?
Another question:  "Why would One perform, receive Oral Sex but feel Vaginal Sex is out of the question until one is Married?
I am NOT being facecious when I ask this!  I am sincerely sincere! Truely I don't understand!  If Marriage OR a Committed Relationship is not part of the deal - my Genitals would remain under wraps for ANY kind of stimulation from Another.  Call me "old fashioned" if You will, but ANY kind of Sex is the ULTIMATE experience that We share when BOTH Parties are Committed to One Another -  be it Oral, Vaginal, or whatever.  Many of us have become so casual about Sex that causes us to lose far too often.

Also, if one is having Oral Sex with a Man, it doesn't strike me that He's out of line for Him to want Vaginal Sex.  If I'm confused about this,  I'm sure He is also.
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Avatar_f_tn
an intimate relationship dies out without intimate progression…
After 4 years i think its time to "poop or get off the pot"….
doesnt sound like this is the right person… and if it is, than what is the problem…?
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