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Avatar universal

too fast?

Okay so my boyfriend I have been dating for almost 4 months now. He constantly bring up marriage and I really do love him. Everyone around us is that we're moving too fast but I don't think so. Call believe that when someone loves the other that they will just know when it's right and I swear to god I feel that it's right. He says that were gonna get married on 11th month anniversary. That makes me so happy but I'm afraid of how my mom will react. Is there any good ways to break the news to her? I am young but love knows no age. I need it advice on how to tell our friends and family. Thank you ( :
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Avatar universal
When I was 18 I found my husband. We had only dated about 4 months and got engaged. We did though live together from the first month on so really it already felt like we were married. I would suggest really learning each other habits because living together really does help. We were happily married a few months before being together a year and have been for 3 years now. I knew he was the one and made my choice knowing the risks and I couldn't be happier. I currently am finishing my teaching degree and him his Web design. So things can work you just have to work hard and communicate always. I wish you the best.
Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
Are you still concerned you might be pregnant, or do you have an answer one way or another now?
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13167 tn?1327194124
17 is actually too young to legally marry in most states,  so those states are forcing you to wait and use your good common sense after you mature a little more.

Really,  17 years old is too young to choose a partner.  Especially after only 4 months.

This is a boyfriend,  those are fun and engaging,  but it's totally unlikely you will end up with a long term marriage with a boy you date for 4 months at the age of 17.

Really.  I think all of us older than 30 will tell you that.

Stay in school,  start a career,  live independently,  and see where that takes you.

If you marry at 17 with a boy you've been together with for 4 months,  you are completely giving up on life.  Really, you're just giving up.

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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, good luck.  Seventeen is indeed young.  I won't bore you with statistics but will just encourage you to pursue things on your own as well even if you marry him.  By this I mean your education.  Please please please finish school, go on to higher learning whether it is college or trade school and start a true career for yourself.  

I will tell you that when I think of the heartfelt love I had early in my life, I laugh.  Pretty glad that none of those men are hitched to my side for eternity!!!  Couldn't have told me that at the time though so I won't try to tell you.  Some highschool sweet hearts go on to have great relationships for the long haul as well.  

However, if you were raped, you may have some psychological trauma that you should deal with. It may affect you in subconsious ways.  

Well, good luck and I hope your mom will support you in your decision (and sign the consent form as you are underage) as Grandma does.  Peace.
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Avatar universal
Raped*
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Avatar universal
I have decided to say yes.
I know it sounds crazy and stupid but sometimes love is. I truly with all my heart feel he is the one. We have been through so much together. He is my lover, my best friend and now fiancée. I trust him which is something I've never done in my entire life since I was right. Today proved to me that we are forever and neither of us believe in divorce. My grandmother is for us 100% . Since I've been with him I've changed so much for the better have gotten my life back together.
Also we are 17 while young and knowing the statistics,  jorge and i shall get through anything and everything together <3
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, this is a hard one for me.  I admire those that have such a romantic and sentimental notion about love.  I'm business like about the whole subject.  Maybe that is because I've loved a few men in my lifetime . . . deeply and sincerely.  I am thrilled I only married one of them, the last one I fell in love with.  The others would not, as it turns out, have been good long term partners for me.  

I'm not going to tell any grown woman when she should get married.  If you think you know him well enough to judge what he'd be like for eternity after 4 months, that is your choice.  

However, I will tell you that statistics say that the longer you date prior to marriage, the more likely you are to go the long haul together.  That is because some things that are a challenge for a couple come up over time.  We all put our best self forward in the begining.  That is just how dating and new love goes.  And over time, we get more comfortable and all of our other qualities start to surface.  We also are more likely to see our partner in different situations over time and this helps us judge what life would really be like with them.  For example, an extremely stressful situation can occur and how we handle that stress is telling for how happy we will be with someone in the future.  Some people handle it very badly and would be difficult to live with during the bad times that plague everyone in this thing we call life.  Some handle it well----  which is good to know too.  Builds confidence that we are making the right decision.  

There are a whole host of things we must learn about someone before we marry them.  We must understand their view of life, their financial habits and goals, where they are with such things as faith and spirituality, how they feel about your family and their family and what their expectations are for their involvement in your life, ideas on children and how you'd raise them, how you like to live (super clean and organized or wherever the chips may fall . . . on the floor), hobbies you'd share and what you'd do alone, etc.  It is really a lot to combine lives and when you marry, you say you'll be doing it for an eternity.  This is a VERY big deal hon.  

But see, like I said----  I am businesslike about love.  I see marrying as a forever plan of being with someone.  I want our life to be happy and want to make sure that I've covered all of my basis before I say "this is the one".  I believe and highly recommend in premarital counseling to help figure this out.  Please consider this.  

While my notion of love isn't the most romantic---  it does bring about great results in the longevity part of marriage.  See, I got businesslike after I realized I was in love.  

Because of this-----  I'd ask you------  what is the harm in waiting to marry?  What is the rush?  Would it be worth it to spend some more time making sure it will be forever bliss with this man?  

And something to consider----  if you are having to convince your mom it is okay and are scared to tell her-----  that is a red flag right there.  Why start out a long term relationship (not just you and him but HER and him and Her and the two of you as a married couple) under that stress?  

But a grown woman that wants to get engaged at 4 months and married at 11 has every right to do so.  

If you are not yet a grown woman, then you need to listen to your mother.  good luck
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Avatar universal
Wait a minute.... how old are you and your boyfriend and what is the rush to get married?  If this is "right", it'll still be right in 1, 2, 3 years or more from now.
Helpful - 0
1747349 tn?1332683680
It would be very helpful to know both your ages (your boyfriend and you). Most marriages entered into at a young age do not do well. And why is he pushing so hard for marriage? Can't you just enjoy the present and be in love without the cares and worries you will have when you get married? Keep me posted, take your time. Good luck and God bless.
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Avatar universal
I am not sure how old you and your bf/fiance are, but getting this serious after 4 months.....hmmmmm.....not too sure about how this will work out. Why was the 11th month chosen?  This just doesn't sound rational in my opinion. Why is he "pushing" marriage so quick?

Back to your question, how to tell mom, family and friends.  In this situation, just tell them like you have told us here in your post.  I don't think HOW you tell them will be the problem;  I think WHAT you tell them will be the issue; a shocker and they too will be fixated on the short period of time in which you both have gotten serious.  I am sure there will be "eyebrows" raised and plenty of "don't do it" thoughts in their heads. Nothing really to "buffer" this announcement.  If my daughter were to tell me this I would be cringing.  

Your title to your post really says it all; TOO FAST.  If you think about it rationally it is WAY too fast and marriage shouldn't be entered into LIGHTLY.  

Yes, perhaps love "knows" no age, but that has nothing to do with a person jumping into marriage after knowing the person for a short period of time.  

Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1693250592
You say you're young.  How young?  For example, could you legally marry?  Are you 14?  24?  or what?

If you're both 15, then I'd agree with the it's too fast crowd.  If you're both 20, I'd be in the group that thinks that by the time your 11th month (the proposed day of your marriage) rolls around, you should know if you want to marry him.  

At any age, getting engaged after only dating almost 4 months is a red flag.  You need time to get to know him and your responses to each other under different situations and circumstances.  4 months isn't long enough for most people, especially true for ones who are still teenagers.

Good luck.
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