ugh

[twinsohlord]

This man or should I say boy is really getting on my nerves since we had our first fight its been nothing but fights just now I wakes him up three different times for work then he gets up all mad I'm like you tired baby (had a good night watching ESPN n cuddling)  he like no all snappy then farts n I'm like eww open the door and I turn on the air He like turn that fn air off I'm like u stink he like get up n cook me some food n hurry up I'm like please he like can you get up I don't have a lot of time so my moms starting **** n we arguing so he all shut up I can't collect my thoughts I'm like who tf are you talking to he like y'all I told him you see her starting why u yelling at me so I let his food burn n got back in my bed f u is how I feel cause  I deserve better

[twinsohlord]

3goibg on 30

[nursegirl6572]

Well, it doesn't sound like it's too late to turn things around.  How old is his daughter?

[twinsohlord]

Let's say I've been her my dad n mom was never together an I didn't act like that but then again my mom wasn't trashy as hers is oh n my bad baby do need a spank here an there not all the time but boo is bad to the bone I try n deal as best I can but if he's around she feel like she don't have to listen to me but I give her a stern look n let her know no natter what u have to listen because I'm the adult when we are alon she uses manners never tells me no and if she cries its not long or because she can't get picked up she has sharing issues tho cause she pulled my niece off my lap an said no my mama I told her no baby share but still I Dont do that crying well either you say what u want or you Dont get it from me ... But cry bloody murder and dad will hold you and until the sun comes up he'll let the house burn to keep her quite

Yes he need anger management N I jus feel like I honestly am still here for her not even so my kid can have a dad so my boo baby will have a good mom biological or not a real role model ya know

I'm doing my best I just have to show him with our kid where he went wrong with his ..

[nursegirl6572]

" I would just kind of be a bit ore sensitive to what it is like for HER.  It's hard when you are pregnant to have that kind of patience but honestly, a lot of her behavior sounds like a child in some emotional distress. "

Well said!

OP,I'm sure the child's clingy, needy behavior can be annoying, but I think SM makes a great point.  Try, instead of reacting in a negative fashion (being irritated, annoyed, mad), try to think it through, why is a young child acting out?  While no doubt some kids are just bratty, it sounds like your stepdaughter is just crying out for attention.  I'm sure she doesn't get much at all at her Mom's, so like SM said, YOU are her best chance at being "normal".  Her own Dad seems to be doing a lousy job with her.  

I'm glad she's excited about the baby.  Include her in the planning as much as possible.  If she's already feeling neglected emotionally, adding a baby to the mix is going to make that 10 times as hard for her.

Like SM said, read to her, take time to do fun things with her.  When she's being needy, set boundaries, but then follow through.  Like, "Daddy is cooking right now and the oil can burn you.  If you go and play with X yourself until he's done, then I will read you a book/play house (whatever she likes to do).  Same with the cursing...boundaries need set, and discipline needs to be immediate.  Every time she cusses, she should be put in a time out...one minute for each year (so if she's 3, it would be 3 min).  Also, be mindful of cursing in your house as well.  Whether it be your BF, you, your Mom...whoever, if anyone is swearing in front of her, it's only going to send her mixed messages.

[nursegirl6572]

"Yes we need help lots"

Yes, sweetie...you really do.  It all sounds like a big ole mess, and a very toxic environment for children.  Your BF doesn't sound like a good guy.  YOU can't make him better...he has to do that.

Please don't stay in a volatile relationship with so much drama and fighting,,,,your kids deserve better than that.  The stepdaughter's Mom just sounds like she's young and trashy.  You're smart to ignore her nonsense.

I think SM made a great suggestion about parenting classes...you cannot control what others (like the stepdaughter's Mom) do, but you CAN work to better yourself.  While you may have raised children in some capacity before, it sounds like you're just "getting by" and existing when it comes to parenting.  I wouldn't call the things you've described "good parenting"...it sounds like you're just doing what you know.  Maybe that's how you were raised as well, but trust me, there are better ways to rear children than "whooping" them and sleeping, etc.  That's not a dig at you either, you've been very honest here, and like I said, I think this is just ALL what you know.  Step ONE IMO would be dumping the BF.  

Best of luck to you.

[specialmom]

Sorry, hit send before ready.  At least you can read to her, show her that women work and pay bills, etc.  I would just kind of be a bit ore sensitive to what it is like for HER.  It's hard when you are pregnant to have that kind of patience but honestly, a lot of her behavior sounds like a child in some emotional distress.  

Your boyfriend sounds like he has a volatility problem and it would be excellent if he got some anger management sessions in.  Community centers run these.  They have parenting classes too.  I think those are so great.  I've taken a few myself to get better ideas for how to handle things and to understand what is normal and what isn't and how to address either.  

but it's hard.  Think of yourself as her only chance to be normal down the road.  

good luck

[specialmom]

Well, it sounds like you are trying and that is all you can do.  I think loving boundaries work best and it IS really hard when a child is at a disadvantage of two homes they go between and one in which the mom is basically . . ..  gross (don't know a good way to describe her bio mom.  She sounds like she does nothing beneficial with her life and just takes from the system with nothing to offer )  

[twinsohlord]

She gets tons of attention but like say he's cooking with hot grease n its popping he has to whoop her to get her out the kitchen
I can say she is use to seeing him every day cause he use to live across the street n didn't have a job +sold drugs + now he lives with me n works 9to9 with two off days and he gets her after work on Thursday and I take her home on Sunday while he's at work ...

An I'm hoping for a boy so she can still be daddy's princess but she seems to be excited about the baby cause she says baby baby e baby belly daddy baby n kisses my belly an he do give her that extra love he just been lately irritated with us both n its funny to me cause I'm sleep mostly but he has been the one doing all the cooking an cleaning I work 5-10 an get home at 11

As for her mom she teaching her curse words an even has her calling me a b i t c h which he an I have whooped her for cause she has to know its not OK an no we don't beat her it's s pop n off to the napping circle ...
Ain't no being civil with her mom she is a kid her self n so far I've done well with ignoring her and her stupidity but when it comes to my kid i dont play that talkin bout my baby cause if u love him you love him an his kids i her own mom is convinced that hr need yo get full custody of the kid his mom says never leave ur child around her she is the type to hurt a kid ... She has no GED no ambition no job an thinks that's gone work for her has never left her parents home


I told him if he go back my baby won't even be aloud to stay the night or be out of his sight cause if a hair is harmed on my baby its jail for me

An trust I try to myob but it seems I'm raising the children an I'm just doing as much as I can I've raised kids all my life cousins sisters brothers friends kids so I know I'm not doing anything wrong I don't want my step kid to end up like her mom

As for his behavior his been really out of it like I've never seen him like this I tell him if it's me leave he's like no I love you I'm just fskw lately I'm sorry blah blah n today we had a argument I keep asking for a break up he says he can't live without me claims I make him better but he's being so jerky sometimes n he hates for Me n my mom to argue bit he shouldn't say shut the fk up

Yes we need help lots

[specialmom]

I will say that I wouldn't tolerate a man telling me to shut the F up or my family but I become a mama bear myself if someone is being super negative toward my children.  

That is a good question mommyof3plus2.  So often, kids are expect to just roll with the changes the adults in their life makes. These are HARD.  I can't imagine my kids going from house to house (dads to mine and back again) with different rules, people there, etc.  Kids are very routine.  This is very hard on many kids.  They have few ways of expressing those emotions.  They need tenderness and gentle care.  

so a very good question---  she very well could reacting to changes going on.  

[specialmom]

I agree with nursegirl that this is really what young kids do.  I'm wondering if a parenting class wouldn't help all involved here understand the needs and natural emotions of children to help them better provide that nurturing environment they all really need.  Most communities offer these classes and they are a good idea.  

The best thing is for a father and mother whether they are together or not to have a cohesive parenting relationship.  I think it is common for one party of the former couple to still wish they can be a family again or together even if it is for the sake of their shared child but once they realize this isn't meant to be, it is important to put all of that 'stuff' aside and do what is right for the kid. Which is for them to get along and work together.  And for a new girlfriend or boyfriend of either parent to be very supportive of their doing the job of parenting which includes doting on their kid.  It would be a good goal for the boyfriend to work on the relationship being more businesslike and healthy with the mother of his other child.  

good luck

[mommyof3plus2otw]

Wow that's kind of disrespectful for your babies father to tell your mom to shut the f up or you! Regardless of what kind of relationship you and your mom have that's between you two and for him to curse at your mother is totally uncalled for! Are you guys living with her? And about the little girl...has she always cried like this or has it just started? It can be because of the changes she's experiencing right now

[nursegirl6572]

How old is this child?

A young child with new family structures and siblings on the way needs reassurance and told MORE often how important he/she is and how much she is loved, not reminded constantly that she has to share her daddy.

Sounds to me like the poor girl just wants her daddy, and everyone is making it hard for her to HAVE him.  

[twinsohlord]

She's very in need of attention but not from me just him n I do deal with crying for just because you CNT have pop or get picked up and he can tell she's jealous cause even with her mom she would hit her if she's near him she knows not to hit me I'm the only real rule enforcement but if we are sleep and n he's in the middle shell pick at my hand if its on him or start crying to make him get up n he gets mad if I'm in the middle she just lays on me so she can be next to him cause I've told her u have to share daddy not just with me but with the new babies too and he's told her daddy loves e(me) so be nice if u love daddy n she gets it but still tries to get her way she's really smart cause she knows who she can n can't get with that crying ... N he's become very angry since his bm tried using their child to break us up she's used her for so much like she will call n say the baby been calling you all day when its really get n sends a bunch of texts calling our baby retarded and telling him he has his family an he don't need her kids

[nursegirl6572]

"No she cries for nothing she's old enough to say I pee or poop dear she may not be mine but I'm sure I know her well cause when its just me n her she don't do that cause she knows I Dont care about crying I tell her hush or its nap time n she shuts her face she knows if she cries loud enough he's going to pick her up  ... Yes he told us to shut the f up"

What a disturbing, toxic environment, all around.  It sounds like your stepdaughter is VERY VERY young.  She craves attention, that's what young children do.  It makes me sad that everyone is just trying to "shut her face".

Sigh.

And your BF sounds like an abusive.....well I can't say the word on here.....

[twinsohlord]

No she cries for nothing she's old enough to say I pee or poop dear she may not be mine but I'm sure I know her well cause when its just me n her she don't do that cause she knows I Dont care about crying I tell her hush or its nap time n she shuts her face she knows if she cries loud enough he's going to pick her up  ... Yes he told us to shut the f up

[BradleaMarie]

But you need to make sure they're not "crying for No reason" you can't just let them sit there and cry all the time. Check the diaper make sure they're not hungry and /or check if they're feeling Okay.

[mommyof3plus2otw]

Wait so he told you and your mom to shut up?

[twinsohlord]

I can't deal n its even worse when my step kid is here he acts like we get on his nerves so bad I know she irritates him with her jealousy and crying for no reason but then he gets mad at me for saying just ignore her sometimes if you always pick her up then or she's going to do is keep crying every time she know that you're going to f****** pick her up N he's gets mad cause I just ignore them both cause if I do her hair n she starts crying I turn up the tv or if he's trying to cook n he's like can you get her I'm like no let her cry she's doing it on purpose n when my baby gets here let it cry

[KaliBrooke]

My bf farts rudely too..and they smell down right awful! I have to grab the febreez and chase him around the house with it. He thinks it's funny...but I'm obviously not laughing. He tries to demand me to do stuff for him too. Like I will make his dinner plate for him and then bring it to him, then I make mine and as soon as I sit down he wants me to get up and get him something else. He doesn't do it meanly like yours but he does it in a childish way. I have a look a give him when I'm done with his attitude/child play and then he will usually stop. I call him my overgrown man-child. (:

[syddie50]

Ugh my husband only gets like that when he's really hungry or really tired :P it drives me crazy I can't stand him when he gets up for work at 5 in the morning.  But even If he's being a butt he always shows in some way he loves me.
When your man starts acting up ignore him. It's not worth the fight trust me! Just make his food and go on with life he was probably just hungry. Men are over grown babies. So simple to understand lol (:

[twinsohlord]

He works all day then wants to lay up under me after work like we was never mad I do appreciate that he comes home every night bit still I deserve to have a complete happy day

[victoriamichelle1010]

My bf talks to me like that as a joke but i still dont let him. Thats rude, disrespectful and unneeded. Sorry hes acting like that. Maybe he just needs a night out or something... my bf gets moody sometimes so he goes out and does a guy night. It helps both of us to get away from each other for a little.