unsure

[ksanden]

last night was my worst night of fighting. my bf told me that he didnt no about us anymore. that is unsure of what he wants. he said he is tired that i get mad for him wanting to do stuff because he wants to leave and hang out with his friends. he said its not fair for him.. is it fair for me to have to stay home 24/7 with the kids with little or no help. i dont always get mad i just get mad everyonce in a while because it would be nice to have him home he works 9am to 7pm and then wants to go out, he nos at 7 our son needs to eat then a bath and then play then its time for him to go to bed. he is missing out on it. and i told him last week i was tired of him not helping me and that i want things to change i want help and i am not alone in this because it takes to two. i am feeling alone in parenting and i told him about it, well what he did was give up after that talk he gave up on us and ever since that first fight it has been not good at all we have been fighting, he told me last night to find a differnt father for our children being hes so bad and not around. he said the kids need someone better. that hurt me when he said it. he is good when hes around. i no now that i have lost him i never wanted this to happen im so tired of crying last night i couldnt stop and i didnt get much sleep. i dont want to relationship to be at the end of its rope. i want it to work, but i cant do it alone i need him to and he already said he gave up. he told me he loves me and he wishes things were better and he doesnt even no where to start now to make things better. im scared that its finilly going to end ive been seeing this for how long. i have tired everything trying to pull us back and last night i did nothing but tell him i didnt want to lose him and i cant tell him what to think. i told him i miss the man i fell in love with 2 years ago the man i wanted to marry someday and he then told me that he needs to find out his proritys out and hopefully we can get threw all of this. i dont no what to think i cant help but think hes just oging to leave i miss thedays wed stay up and talk all the time. now its gone. we are roommates. and what hurts the most i dont even no him anymore..i dont no what to do anymore i dont want to lose him but im tired.
ksanden

[ksanden]

confusied one: i ordered that book u were talking about i am going to read it thanks so much.. i have been searching for a good book on it and now i have gotten help on that so the search is over thanks..
ksanden

[ksanden]

i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has wrote on this to me. its nice to no im not alone, also last night we talked and we are going to work past this and be together and see where it goes from there. he said he didnt mean everything he said and that he was mad and was just throwing stuff in my face which isnt alright because it really hurt me. i told him i was really hurt and still hurt from the words he spoke. he said he is stress with everything and that hes going to make things better with us. he is going to try. i give him credit but im still so upset with what he spoke how can you let something go and act as though it never happened, i cant do it. last night he held me in bed and it was nice to be held again, we talked about things that we miss in each other and we are going to both work at getting it back together, i couldnt help but cry a little bit not much just because i missed being held like that. i really hope this all works out.. but thanks\
ksanden

[ksanden]

no counseling he wont do it.. he doesnt feel it works..
ksanden

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Oh my dear, I am so sorry that you are not getting along with you bf, it sounds like you have too much on your plate.

Have you guys tried counselling?

[laura1977]

email address is     l a u r a 1 9 7 7 @ s i g e c o m . n e t
take out the spaces.

[Confused-one]

If you don't mind me asking & I will e-mail if that is prefered but I really want my husband back. Do you have advise on what I can do with the fact we are not living together, he says he's "confused" ~I hate that word right now~, he doesn't talk to me much, when we see each other there's little contact ~physical~ & only if I intiate it ~which I do because I can't help it~ I wrote him a letter which he hasn't even acknowledged, I asked him out on a date he didn't respond. I don't call him or text him unless it is important &/or has to do with our son because I'm trying to give him his space but this is very difficult & it's hard to apply what I'm learning from the book lol.

[laura1977]

confused-one
That book saved my marriage a few years ago. I love that book.  I am always telling people on these forums they must get it.

[Confused-one]

I know what you are going through I think. My husband & I are separated right now & I feel as though I am dying inside. My true & honest advise to you ~which I found out too late~ is try to find out what he misses from you. He already knows you want him to spend more time at home so I would say let that go since that seems to be angering him & to a point hurting his feelings ~& yes I know yours are hurt too but you said you want to try to fix this~ if he says he misses you holding try to hold him more, if he says he misses the little things you used to do for him try to find time to do them again, try to focus on his needs & not bring up him not being around & if does stay home instead of going out with his friend mention it! tell him how wonderful it was to have him home ~don't say finally-you can think it but don't say it out loud lol~ I have been reading a book called The Five Love Languages
it really makes sense. I wish I had read it sooner, I might have been able to save my marriage. I hope this helps & I am here to talk if you need it. I know this is hard & I will try to help in any way that I can *hugs*

[Avas Mom]

i thought i was with the "one" too until after our baby came. Oh then everything just got worse. i also am so glad i have my daughter but sometimes i wish i never met my bf! I have(4) cats too and thats one of the reasons i dont want to leave bcuz alot of apts dont accept cats and id miss them

[ksanden]

i would have all 3 of my cats there all mine but my black in white one was a present to my bf lol... but theyd all stay with me. i wish men were like women but then i think about that again and some times thank god there not. im so tired of men. if he leaves me im done with all relationships. i gave him all i could give anyone i dont wnat to go threw it all over. i dont want to put my kids threw my relatioships to find the right one. i thought this whole time i was with the one, my one and only, but after having baby it change for the worse here i thought it would be the same or better and its only caused pain. i love my son i do not regret him he is my mericle baby and i am thankful my bf gave him to me but i wish things with me and my bf we different.. thanks ladys.
ksanden

[bedtimestory]

Sometimes it helps to cry. Just ask yourself why you are crying. If it is because of him and him only then stop, get a napkin, dry your tears and think he doesn't deserve your suffering. Be strong now hun. You have your kids and they come first...right?

Sometimes we wish our men were like us but they function differently and unfortunately some of them act immature and irresponsible and that's when they start telling you their feelings are no where to be found. Do you honestly think he is putting your kids first? Cuz I don't think so. He just thinks of how he feels and what he wants. He doesn't even help you with the kids so it's like he has no responsibility whatsoever. You know it is not fair. No matter how much you love him your kids should come first...not him. Like I told ya..look for distraction....a job...I would leave him if he kept acting this way........take your cat with you. You'll see you'll get through this hard moment. Everything eventually changes.

[bip]

I really think your bf has alot of growing up to  do.  He cant deal with things you have 2 children and he cant deal with it..You been going through this to long......Its very hard raising children but he needs to help to.   He sounds like he is not listening to you.  I told you before I been through all this in the past and its hard........Hun dont cry I know it hurts you.  I know you love in deep inside and you care for him but one of these days you are going to get sick of it........ask these quiestions to yourself..

1.Does he love me?
2. Am I happy with him?
3.Does he care?
4.Does he help me with the kids?

It you say no @ least 3 to them you are not HAPPY and you need to make changes.....Hey Email if you want to talk more.

[ksanden]

i wish hed confront life with a better attiude, i really think he is just thinking about himself  right now and being immature. but its his feelings from what he says. he said the reason for the talking that has stop is because i get mad when he talks to me now. alot of the stuff he says comes out like i wanna fight or i m getting bashed down. who wouldnt get upset. thanks... tjs crying..
ksanden

[bedtimestory]

I really think he is stressed out and that's why he talks about his insecurities. I have never seen or known about a case like yours but I can only tell you to follow your heart. People here have spoken with you about talking to him and you did it. We have also told you to try to bring the passion back and you obviously did it by what I read in your posts. I would tell you to give him time. However though, there is a child in the middle of all this and he needs to have responsibilities as father.

Get a job hun so you don't depend on your boyfriend. There are plenty of women out there with up to 3 kids, working to have a decent life with their children and I honestly believe you can do it. You are a healthy young woman and I'm sure you could be capable of getting a nice job. See there is nothing wrong with being a stay home mom but with your situation, which seems to worsen instead of improving then I say give him the time he so much wants but don't free him from his responsibilities with his kid.....and get a job. You know when you keep yourself busy time passes really fast and you don't even notice it. Eventually you'll feel better about all this and will hopefully confront life with a better attitude thinking that maybe he is just not into you and that you and your baby deserve better.

Hopefully this crisis is not permanent and maybe.....just maybe he'll realize he is not acting cool. By what you tell us here he sounds immature. Is this the case?

I don't know what else I'd do in your situation but I can totally understand what you're going through dear. Good luck.