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what do i do?
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what do i do?

ok so i am in a relationship for almost 3 years now i have made the simple stupid mistakes throughout a few times.  I have never ever cheated on her at all.  Ive lied about honestly stupid **** that I dont know why i have and even regret when i do obviosuly when i get cought which I always do.  I currently am student teaching a few weeks back I told her I was going to school and didnt I honestly need a day to myself with other things going on and just couldnt make it there for that day.  Why did I lie and told her I went I couldnt even tell you but I did and she found out.  How did she find out you ask?  She read my email she has had trust issues from the day i met her she had a preiouse relationship that has screwed her up and I ve lied about dumb stuff which doesnt help this i know.

So any way once again this past week i did it again lied about going to school for student teahcing she found out flipped out and now says we are on a break cfor right now until we figure this out and I prove to her I will not lie about anything.  I know honesty is best for a relationship I know what i did was rwrong but she has gotten to points calling me a pathological lier which I dont think is the case and I need help.  But sometimes I want to tell her she needs help with the crap she pulls contantly checking my phone checking facebook until I deleted it checking my email..  I have change so much for her I have change phone numbers so certain people would not contact me.  I got rid of my best friend and chose her first he was a **** any way.  I have so much for her and am willing to do what ever because I love her so much but I am at the point I do not know what to do now to get her back and have this go away.  I know we both have issues but I wanna talk about them and resolve this and she just keeps telling me at this moment she needs space and hopefully we can work things out any suggestions.
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Avatar_f_tn
You are lying about stupid stuff because you fear a reaction from her about you wanting time to yourself, etc. It is easier to lie to her, than to explain yourself and risk hurting her feelings and risking the wrath that you think will follow. You two have communication problems for starters. Secondly, you need to explain to her why you do it. You know why and you need to talk about it to her. Otherwise she will let her mind go all kinds of crazy places and next thing ya know, she will think your cheating and hiding things from her which will cause her own insecurity and jealous like behaviors to follow. All set in motion over a stupid lie that you told to keep from telling her the truth due to her possible reaction to it.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for the advice I have told her that I do it because I dont want to see her reaction she has high standards for her self she is alittle older than me and is successfully already I am trying to get there so we can be succesfull together so when I do somethign dumb like take a day of school off she gets mad and says im going to fail which I no i am not I no I am doing just fine.  I explained to her I dpont want her to get mad or come down on me sometimes she even says hurtufll things and puts me down hense why I tell the lie but I do understand there are communicaitons problems and I want to resolve them thanks for the advice if you have anymore let me know thanks
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Avatar_m_tn
also who advice do you have for communicating better?
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Avatar_m_tn
What she is going through is known as hyper vigilance.  Because of the past relationship being a debacle, she is doing all she can to make sure that doesnt happen with you.  Now, since you are lying, she has reason to believe that you too are out to hurt her.

Communication is the key molax6.  If she doesn't or can't understand that you want and or need time to yourself, you'd probably better take a good long look at this relationship.  Having time to yourself is a necessity in any relationship.  Being able to have a certain level of privacy is also a must, but when you are lying you are creating doubt.  When you create doubt, you are damaging the trust.  All relationships revolve around trust.  Without trust, how can one truly go on with someone else?

In order for a relationship to maintain, she has to be able to know that she can trust you with her feelings, her emotions, her opinions, her secrets.  You do her as well.  When a relationship is based on lies, nothing good will come of it.

I will not say that this isnt salvagable.  I've done what I assumed would be irrepairable damage to my marriage but am working on straightening it out.  The truth is the path, and communication is the key.  The truth may hurt, but it hurts far less than being lied too.  If you get the opportunity, sit down with this girl...tell her the truth about your feelings for her, what you intend to do, and begin to prove your worth to her.

Lying about anything is silly man.  Youre going to get caught.  Telling one lie leads to another in order to cover for the other lie, and then youre into a tail spin and are sure to be caught.... you may or may not have blow this opportunity, but there is a lesson to learn here.  (If you lie to someone you supposedly care about, who wont you lie too?  Wait until a supervisor catches you in a lie.....  the unemployment lines are plenty long right now and its an employers market.  Once deemed a liar, it takes a long, long time of truths to remove that label.)
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