what does it mean when a guy says he doesn't want a serious relationship

[kris123]

I meet this guy over the weekend.  We talked every night for about a week for an hour at a time.  We meet each other for the first time at a friends cook out.  I thought that would be the best way to see how he was.  Went very well, kissed him when I left and he called me when I was going home and we talked for an hour.  I didn't hear from him yesterday till about 930 at night.  I told him that was the best time to call because I am busy with the kids.  He told me that he doesn't want a serious relationship and not looking for one and has been single for a long time.  I am confused because that is not what I picked up on Sat night.  I know sometimes men get into it and then pull away - that's the way they act.  I agreed with him and told him that is how I feel.  he said he wants to go slow and date me only.  He said we can see each other once or twice a week.  What does this mean?  He says that he was in a serious relationship and doesn't want one right now but wants to date me only?????  I just agreed that was what I wanted to.  He said he doesn't want to get married soon, but I dont' either.  he said he didn't want to live with any one either and I dont' want that either.  When he says he doesn't want a serious relationship right now what does that mean, do you think he pulled away after I saw him because we kissed and were close that night?  What the hell do I think?

[teko]

Impressed with your way of thinking as usual. Why are there not more of you to go around!

[SeriousSam]

Why should I guy want to right away get married or get serious?  He wants to take things slow which is smart, doesn't want a serious relationship right now and quite honestly NO sane person should want to rush something like that if they have kids.  Ideally on your end the kids shouldn't even really meet him until you have had six months or a year to check him out.

In the mean time except the offer of mutual adult conversation, fiendship, and entertainment.  You date people, he dates people, and only worry about excustivity if you think it might get physical.  Dating is more than just mating rituals, it is having fun and enjoying the company of another adult with or without sex and developing social skills with  members of the opposite sex.

[Hollylove32]

Amen!

[imanaddict]

Good point Judy! It IS arrogant of him to set the rules that are only beneficial to him! Typical!! LOL!

[Judy246]

Did you tell him you have children upfront? This guy just wants to date and date not only you, but others and yes, I don't think he is ready or wants someone with children or instant family nor commitment. There are many, mature, professional men, who would love you as you are with you beautiful children. I wouldn't want anyone who would treat me differently, because of my children and my children come first. (p.s. I don't have children, but if I did, they come first).

Next time, be very upfront with you and that you have children and what you want and expect. It's arrogant of this man to set rules that will only benefit himself.....he's selfish and arrogant.

[kris123]

I think you are right.  He told my girlfriends boyfriend today that he was working late and that is why he didn't call.  He calls late because I told him I was busy in the evening and couldn't talk.  I don't want to be hurt and I think all you guys are right???  I want an exciting time, you know where you talk to each other all the time, text and stuff like that - that connection.  He talks about himself a lot too

[kris123]

is it really bad to say I am busy with the kids

[iam1butterfly]

What it means is that he wants to set the tone and the ground rules of the relationship early on. So, if or when you fall in love with him, you won't make any demands on him. He may want an exclusive relationship; but, definitely not a committed one.
If you're like-minded and are agreeable to this, fine.
If not... pass on this guy and move on!

[MrS_L0PeZ]

I agree with both the above. You need to walk away from this guy right now before You end up falling in love with him. Its obvious he doesn't want a serious relationship and he's not intersted. Save yourself the oppurtunity of being heartbroken and walk away!  

[Judy246]

Also, a week of knowing this guy is nothing..walk away, before you fall in love with him and he will break you heart. He is just looking for good times without commitment, so walk away now. He also said he wanted to go slow...not a good sign and maybe see you once a week...he's really telling you "maybe" I'll see you once a week or maybe I will not call you at all.   He's not interested....walk away now.

[Judy246]

Kris, you said the words that make single men run for cover..."I was busy with the kids". I'm assuming you have children, so I mean no offense, but to a single man it means you come with baggage (my apology..it's not meant to offend ok).

This guy is not going to work out. He has given you early "red flag" warning signs by stating up front that he is not looking for a serious relationship at this point, that he has been single for a long time, etc. What he is really saying is that he is single and does not want any commitments at this point. He want to date and take charge of his life. Also, you only know him for just a week or a little bit over a week.

Make sure that you are emotionally stable and solid, so that when this type of situation arises, you can easily accept what you can't change and move on.

Just because it does not work out with him, it doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of men out there that will accept you as you are, waiting to get to know you.

Good luck

[imanaddict]

If you are looking for something serious, walk away from him now before you develop feelings. You may not be looking for something serious, then end up falling for this guy and he won't reciprocate and then you end up hurt. If he isn't looking for a relationship, I wouldn't even bother dating him. So many women fall into that trap, and have posted of their tales on this forum.

By him saying this, it also gives him a way out. It can be thrown in your face later on if you develop feelings and he doesn't. It also gives him room to date other women. I think by him saying he wants to "date only", he meant he just wants to date, no relationship.

What you choose to do is completely up to you. I just don't want you to end up heart broken. Find someone worthy of your time and don't end up stuck in a rut.

I wish you nothing but the best!!