so i started dating this guy mike i really really well i love him and sometimes like when we first met he is the sweetest most amazing perfect guy i love then other times he makes me feel like i am worthless. i am not perfect by any means but i feel like he just wants what he wants and doesn't really care what i want like if i am agreeing with him hes nice if not hes not idk like i get soo hurt sometimes he says stuff like im a ***** and i repulse him then he will at other times tell me im beautiful and he tells me he doesn't mean the bad stuff he says to me he is just upset when he says it but i am really hurt by it and i cant stop thinking about all of it like i dont want to go around anyone so he cant call me a ***** and i feel so dumb because i ate alot the last two day because he said i should eat more then he said i was repulsive tonight and i want to just take back all the food i ate and exercise until i pass out! i dont want anyone to think he is a bad person he is not i could be just being dumb or to touchy i got out of a very very bad relationship and well every relationship i have ever been is been bad bad i am afraid he hates me and i dont know what to do i want him to be the perfect mike he was and is still sometimes not this one and i feel like its all my fault but i dont know how to fix it or what im doing to make it this way please help me before i ruin it
Hmmm, what would you be ruining dear? This sounds like it is beyond ruined, but abusive. He's busy trying to tell you what to do, calls you names, makes you feel worthless then apologizes about the "bad stuff" he does or says, yes I would call that abuse; typical abuse pattern.
You are in an emotional abusive relationship. It is NOT your fault he is this way, however, it would be you fault if you stay in this relationship.
Are those your children in the photo? If they are, they don't need to be exposed to this unhealthy relationship.
Have you had problems with abusive relationships in your past?
Just think you deserve better. You will NOT change him no matter what you do. He would have to admit he has a problem and then seek some sort of therapy for this, however, I don't think he will do this.
It is not your clothes, your hair, the way you look, your weight, etc.; it is HIM dear.
I so agree with Londres70 but I would like to add:
You need to look within YourSelf (therapy!!) to realize why You keep attracting to:
"very very bad relationships" and
"every relationship I have ever been in is bad bad" and
"I think he hates me and I don't know what to do".
These are very, very disturbing comments from You and from what You've said it seems to be a pattern for You. You need to learn why You take this direction. This is not a healthy relationship and You need to remove YourSelf.
These days, I'd never say change is impossible. The relationship sounds at the very least verbally/mentally abusive. And from your description, it seems as if you end up in relationships that are... as you said, bad.
One question I have right off the bat would be, why would you expect this guy to change? Secondly, what would you be willing to change or do to get yourself into a better situation? Also, how long have you been dating this guy? Are you living together?
No blame here, okay? I assume that you have some self esteem issues or a low self worth. Bad relationships will do that, but there could have been other issues somewhere down the line. Exercising until you pass out is a bit of a problem, especially if you think it is necessary to keep somebody around who is abusive.....
I'd suggest you speak with your health care professional and seek the assistance of a mental health therapist/counselor... look into various programs in your area, and just work on you and your problems. If those are your kids in the pic, they deserve the best you there is, and you certainly owe them that. Get help for your issues and distance yourself from bad relationships.
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